My husband/wife blames me for everything

[Anonymous]

I can’t help but notice a clear difference between the advice that a woman is given regarding a certain complaint compared to a man who makes the same observation.

If a man asks “why does my wife blame me for everything” the vast majority of responses are telling him hat he must be doing something wrong and that he should prioritize her feelings over his own and start working overtime on giving himself to her because she is just a human with struggles and she needs support.

If a woman asks “why does my husband blame me for everything” then the responses are almost 100% about how he must be abusive, dtmfa, DARVO, and she doesn’t need that crap in her life so she should leave him.

This is a clear bias that should be al pledged. This is real.

Don’t take my word for it. Just type that phrase into google for yourself and then search again after switching genders and see the difference with your own eyes.

[Anonymous]

Ever wondered why such a bias exists?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ever wondered why such a bias exists?

Obviously because humans like to stereotype individuals based on perceived group characteristics. What else would it be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ever wondered why such a bias exists?

Women are wonderful effect and societal propensity to coddle and indulge women?

[Anonymous]

I typed them into google and this is what I got:

“When your wife blames you for everything, it often indicates she is unhappy with the relationship, is unable or unwilling to take responsibility, or is using blame as a defense mechanism to protect her self-esteem. This behavior is a form of blame-shifting that can stem from deep-seated issues like insecurity, past experiences, or a need to feel in control. It can also be a sign of poor communication, emotional abuse, or a relationship that is in trouble”

“ Your husband may blame you for everything because he is deflecting from his own insecurities, stress, or unhappiness, or he is using it as a defense mechanism to avoid responsibility. It can also be a sign of deeper issues like narcissistic tendencies, poor communication skills, or an inability to manage his own emotions. In some cases, blame can be a form of emotional manipulation, also known as gaslighting.”

Overall pretty similar. You’re probably falling for selection bias, and only hearing the things you want to hear.

[Anonymous]

Google AI might be reflecting your own searches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I typed them into google and this is what I got:

“When your wife blames you for everything, it often indicates she is unhappy with the relationship, is unable or unwilling to take responsibility, or is using blame as a defense mechanism to protect her self-esteem. This behavior is a form of blame-shifting that can stem from deep-seated issues like insecurity, past experiences, or a need to feel in control. It can also be a sign of poor communication, emotional abuse, or a relationship that is in trouble”

“ Your husband may blame you for everything because he is deflecting from his own insecurities, stress, or unhappiness, or he is using it as a defense mechanism to avoid responsibility. It can also be a sign of deeper issues like narcissistic tendencies, poor communication skills, or an inability to manage his own emotions. In some cases, blame can be a form of emotional manipulation, also known as gaslighting.”

Overall pretty similar. You’re probably falling for selection bias, and only hearing the things you want to hear.

Are you aware that you just posted an AI summary and not an actual human perspective. Try reading the reddit results for real human examples. I am talking about human perceptions and dynamics here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t help but notice a clear difference between the advice that a woman is given regarding a certain complaint compared to a man who makes the same observation.

If a man asks “why does my wife blame me for everything” the vast majority of responses are telling him hat he must be doing something wrong and that he should prioritize her feelings over his own and start working overtime on giving himself to her because she is just a human with struggles and she needs support.

If a woman asks “why does my husband blame me for everything” then the responses are almost 100% about how he must be abusive, dtmfa, DARVO, and she doesn’t need that crap in her life so she should leave him.

This is a clear bias that should be al pledged. This is real.

Don’t take my word for it. Just type that phrase into google for yourself and then search again after switching genders and see the difference with your own eyes.

Because most women here are bitter and divorced/remarried, married late in life, etc. and couldn't/cannot make relationships work due to their demeanor and poor personalities.

[Anonymous]

You just need to read some men's boards to balance it out. There are some forums out there with lots of posts by unhappy men where the threads all sound exactly the same as here.

They blame the women for everything, see the women as bad and men as just trying to do their best. They feel unappreciated and unsupportive and they highlight a lot of unhealthy and unkind things the women in their lives do, usually portraying themselves in a good light.

It is the exact same as the most of the threads here except with the sexes reversed. Here the women blame the men for everything, see the men as bad and women as just trying to do their best. They feel unappreciated and unsupportive and they highlight a lot of unhealthy and unkind things the men in their lives do, usually portraying themselves in a good light.

The forums here and the places where men post and vent about their partners and relationships and women in general are pretty much mirror images of each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just need to read some men's boards to balance it out. There are some forums out there with lots of posts by unhappy men where the threads all sound exactly the same as here.

They blame the women for everything, see the women as bad and men as just trying to do their best. They feel unappreciated and unsupportive and they highlight a lot of unhealthy and unkind things the women in their lives do, usually portraying themselves in a good light.

It is the exact same as the most of the threads here except with the sexes reversed. Here the women blame the men for everything, see the men as bad and women as just trying to do their best. They feel unappreciated and unsupportive and they highlight a lot of unhealthy and unkind things the men in their lives do, usually portraying themselves in a good light.

The forums here and the places where men post and vent about their partners and relationships and women in general are pretty much mirror images of each other.

Then that means that both are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Social media is destroying the fabric of humanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just need to read some men's boards to balance it out. There are some forums out there with lots of posts by unhappy men where the threads all sound exactly the same as here.

They blame the women for everything, see the women as bad and men as just trying to do their best. They feel unappreciated and unsupportive and they highlight a lot of unhealthy and unkind things the women in their lives do, usually portraying themselves in a good light.

It is the exact same as the most of the threads here except with the sexes reversed. Here the women blame the men for everything, see the men as bad and women as just trying to do their best. They feel unappreciated and unsupportive and they highlight a lot of unhealthy and unkind things the men in their lives do, usually portraying themselves in a good light.

The forums here and the places where men post and vent about their partners and relationships and women in general are pretty much mirror images of each other.

So where are the balanced people who do not make broad gender stereotypes reside? I need to find those people. Any hints?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I typed them into google and this is what I got:

“When your wife blames you for everything, it often indicates she is unhappy with the relationship, is unable or unwilling to take responsibility, or is using blame as a defense mechanism to protect her self-esteem. This behavior is a form of blame-shifting that can stem from deep-seated issues like insecurity, past experiences, or a need to feel in control. It can also be a sign of poor communication, emotional abuse, or a relationship that is in trouble”

“ Your husband may blame you for everything because he is deflecting from his own insecurities, stress, or unhappiness, or he is using it as a defense mechanism to avoid responsibility. It can also be a sign of deeper issues like narcissistic tendencies, poor communication skills, or an inability to manage his own emotions. In some cases, blame can be a form of emotional manipulation, also known as gaslighting.”

Overall pretty similar. You’re probably falling for selection bias, and only hearing the things you want to hear.

Are you aware that you just posted an AI summary and not an actual human perspective. Try reading the reddit results for real human examples. I am talking about human perceptions and dynamics here.

Yes, I am. The OP literally says “type it into google and see for yourself!” So I did.

Like I said. Selection bias. You said google it, google didn’t confirm your belief, so now you’re saying to seek out different websites that DO confirm your beliefs. Rather than taking an objective look at everything.

Like PP said, there are plenty of forums where the opposite is true. And there are plenty of people who do see nuance. You’re choosing to focus on what you want to hear.

[Anonymous]

Some of us married and dated partners with serious mental health problems, which they hid for years.
I worked with a colleague who would scream, bully, and intimidate. Ten years into working with them, I'm told they have ADHD/ASD. Now I feel bad that they have it and they have to live with it. Their private and professional life is a mess. The abuse I have to take is nothing. I would never want to switch places with them.
Imagine living with someone and not knowing that they are indeed differently wired?
Doesn't make the bullying ok, but explains.
I have never been treated badly by mentally healthy grownups continuously. They recognize bad behavior and apologize. They try not to repeat it.
We are giving everyone benefit of the doubt, and go on and on how we are all different while putting up with abuse that is normal for one person.
My partner locked me out of the house for example. Who does that! They were called 'home' soon after. Whose job is to recognize mental health problems and fix them before it's too late.
I get crap at work for not shutting the co-worker down for their behavior (stopping the bulling). Not sure why they think I can change who they are.

[Anonymous]

There are people like this. My Ex-gf has dismissive personality and never takes accountability and comes close and beg when I am detached. After seeing these cycles a couple of times, I broke up with her. She has ADHD, thyroid issues, Type 2 and other hormonal issues. Always staying angry and snappy is not a way to live and she started taking it out for me for no reason and that was enough for me. I feel sad for her on what she must be going through inside and all the shame that she is carrying and not taking accountability.