Teenager and quitting a sport before he starts

[Anonymous]

Hi, I could use some advice. My son is 16 and just moved to a new school. His choice, went from private to our in boundary school. He has always played sports but was stressed out and unhappy at his last school and didn't play anything last year. I told him if we made the move (which involved a lot of hoops, time and continued tuition money) that I required him to play a winter sport. He was happy to do that and even practiced pre-season while still at the old school. Now that he is at the new school and the season has started, he wants to quit. Says he made a mistake telling me he would do it and is begging me not to make him.

I know in my mom heart that he needs to do this. He is an athletic, smart kid. Not lazy, but will take the easy way out every time if its an option. He is not letting it go and trying to play on my every emotion, saying it will make him miserable, etc. I still think he has to complete the season. At this point, he hasn't even started the season.

I know the new school and course load are a lot of change but I also know he needs to meet people and feel like he is a part of the school. This is the best way for him to do this and he also made a commitment to my husband and I if we let him change schools. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Is the issue that he has to play THIS specific sport because he said he would, or you want him to play the sport because you're convinced it's the only way you think he'll meet people and feel like part of the school?

If it's the first, stand your ground. If it's the latter, there are TONS of ways to meet people and feel a part of the school. Open your mind.

[Anonymous]

Is there something going on that you're not telling us? Why was he stressed out such that he refused to play sports last year? Why is he continuing to refuse to play sports now? Is there ADHD, autism, anxiety, etc, going on? Is he just completely overbooked and you're being too pushy? Something else?

[Anonymous]

I switched school districts in 9th and joined a sport to meet people. I will say I hated it because the girls and the coach all knew each other, every stereotype of mean girl behavior happened the first week and it got worse. It was not the sports experience you read about. I did make plenty of friends, in other clubs, another sport, orchestra, so if that sport isn't working out, encourage him to join something else.

[Anonymous]

Season hasn’t even started yet, I would not make him. But I don’t force my children to do sports they don’t want to do for the heck of it. Midseason I would make him finish.

[Anonymous]

I told him to play a winter sport. There are 3 for him to choose from but only one that interests him. I think my concern is that he is kind of a quitter historically. He does have some anxiety but he also plays it up to get his way and I feel like its time for accountability. But yes, maybe I am just frustrated and disappointed in him and should go easier. He is not a club joiner...he has said that before and also not liked them and quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there something going on that you're not telling us? Why was he stressed out such that he refused to play sports last year? Why is he continuing to refuse to play sports now? Is there ADHD, autism, anxiety, etc, going on? Is he just completely overbooked and you're being too pushy? Something else?

Last year he didn't make the team in his sport that he has played for years. Super competitive school and he knew it was a possibility but he was crushed so I didn't push him. Now he is left with sports that are no cut because he doesn't have experience but he is very fit and athletic so he will be more than fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told him to play a winter sport. There are 3 for him to choose from but only one that interests him. I think my concern is that he is kind of a quitter historically. He does have some anxiety but he also plays it up to get his way and I feel like its time for accountability. But yes, maybe I am just frustrated and disappointed in him and should go easier. He is not a club joiner...he has said that before and also not liked them and quit.

What is it you expect him to learn from this experience? I don’t see the end goal here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him to play a winter sport. There are 3 for him to choose from but only one that interests him. I think my concern is that he is kind of a quitter historically. He does have some anxiety but he also plays it up to get his way and I feel like its time for accountability. But yes, maybe I am just frustrated and disappointed in him and should go easier. He is not a club joiner...he has said that before and also not liked them and quit.

What is it you expect him to learn from this experience? I don’t see the end goal here.

Because he needs to do something. He needs to meet people and be part of things. Sports are the way he can connect. He most likely wouldn't join a club. AND because it has taken a ton of time for us to get this change in place for him and that was a firm part of the agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, I could use some advice. My son is 16 and just moved to a new school. His choice, went from private to our in boundary school. He has always played sports but was stressed out and unhappy at his last school and didn't play anything last year. I told him if we made the move (which involved a lot of hoops, time and continued tuition money) that I required him to play a winter sport. He was happy to do that and even practiced pre-season while still at the old school. Now that he is at the new school and the season has started, he wants to quit. Says he made a mistake telling me he would do it and is begging me not to make him.

I know in my mom heart that he needs to do this. He is an athletic, smart kid. Not lazy, but will take the easy way out every time if its an option. He is not letting it go and trying to play on my every emotion, saying it will make him miserable, etc. I still think he has to complete the season. At this point, he hasn't even started the season.

I know the new school and course load are a lot of change but I also know he needs to meet people and feel like he is a part of the school. This is the best way for him to do this and he also made a commitment to my husband and I if we let him change schools. Thoughts?

He needs to do it or explain himself. It sounds like anxiety and the imposter syndrome we all have that makes us not want to show up. It is never as bad as your imagination. Bribe him at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told him to play a winter sport. There are 3 for him to choose from but only one that interests him. I think my concern is that he is kind of a quitter historically. He does have some anxiety but he also plays it up to get his way and I feel like it's time for accountability. But yes, maybe I am just frustrated and disappointed in him and should go easier. He is not a club joiner...he has said that before and also not liked them and quit.

Just tell him he doesn't have to do the sport as long as he joins AND FOLLOWS THROUGH with some other organized school activity. Student gov't, yearbook, theatre, whatever.

[Anonymous]

He agreed to play the sport so I am inclined to insist that he honor his promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him to play a winter sport. There are 3 for him to choose from but only one that interests him. I think my concern is that he is kind of a quitter historically. He does have some anxiety but he also plays it up to get his way and I feel like it's time for accountability. But yes, maybe I am just frustrated and disappointed in him and should go easier. He is not a club joiner...he has said that before and also not liked them and quit.

Just tell him he doesn't have to do the sport as long as he joins AND FOLLOWS THROUGH with some other organized school activity. Student gov't, yearbook, theatre, whatever.

The problem with this is that I can say with 90% certainty that he will promise to do this because it will deliver the immediate reward of not having to join the sport but would also not follow through or put any effort into a club. He has never done a club thats not sports related...just has no interest. I think its the fact that he is kind of a haff-asser to begin with and I just need to see the follow through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He agreed to play the sport so I am inclined to insist that he honor his promise.

hmm. was the deal that you would only allow the school change if he played a sport at the new school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He agreed to play the sport so I am inclined to insist that he honor his promise.

hmm. was the deal that you would only allow the school change if he played a sport at the new school?

That was a part of it, yes. He didn't make enough connections at his first school which was part (not the only part) of the problem so yes, I do not want this to happen again. If I thought he would join yearbook, debate, or a club that met more than once in a while that would be fine but he will not. I was very clear that he needed to play a sport if he moved and he was in complete agreement. Easy to say then, harder now of course.