Bright 8th grader avoiding work and getting Cs/Ds
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My eighth grade DS is quite bright, but not motivated to work and earn good grades. Eighth grade has gotten hard and he is pulling Cs and below. Generously perhaps he is overwhelmed and doesn't know how to get himself out of the hole, but he is sloppy and avoids putting the work in.
Random example - he had a test today, told me it was a quick "do now" type quiz and that there was one Quizlet to study, which I helped him with. He got in the car after school and said there was a lot more on the test than he realized. I just looked at Google classroom, and farther down on the page there was a whole second review document, which I hadn't seen! ARGH. Either he didn't know it (sloppy) or he lied about it in order to be done. Routinely, he'll either lie, or he'll avoid looking about how much homework he has, especially if there's something else he wants to do. Last Saturday I absolutely lost it and made him come home from a friend's early because he had a much longer math packet than he had admitted. We look at his powerschool and Google classroom every night, but not everything is on there, and it's more playing catch-up. I know he cares, and when he sits down to work, he does really well. No ADHD signs. I don't know if he's just feeling defeated, so won't try? I don't know. It's just awful and really starting to harm our relationship. We can't go on like this for four more years, and next year it's going to start to really impact his life options. Anyone been there who can provide any thoughts on how to help him (and me) get out of this mess? I would have absolutely died of shame to be so underwater academically. Not to mention my old-school Midwestern parents would have grounded me for life with these grades. Please help! |
Anonymous
|
Go on an online tutoring platform like Wyzant and find well-performing high school seniors who charge lower rates.
Choose one tutor for each major subject, and have your kid meet regularly with each of them to talk through what their class is covering each week, their study plan, when the next quiz is, and when they plan to study. Ideally the sessions would be on the weekend, to lay out the plan for the week. Once your student gets into the habit, they may be able to do this on their own. The student needs to improve organization and executive-function skills as the courses become more challenging in high school. The 8th-grade teachers may be intentionally structuring their classes to highlight areas where students lack organizational skills. The kids that are still in high school are a good resource for the study skills. Best of luck! |
Anonymous
| How much time is he spending on his phone? Social media? Any signs of depression? Why do you think he has no motivation? |
Anonymous
|
You need a full neuropsych workup to ferret out learning disorders. He could have any number of them. You say it’s not ADHD but there are many types and parents are too close to the subjects to be neutral. It could be executive function. It could be an anxiety disorder. It could be dyslexia. You need to do this now. Your school or pediatrician should be able to recommend good testers. We used Daisy Pascualavaca in the Foxhall
Medical bio, DC. |
Anonymous
|
He doesn’t seem to care. What does his other parent have to say.? Have you spoken to any teachers ?
Socializing and hanging out def needs to stop until those grades improve. |
Anonymous
|
A very similar dynamic for me and my now sophomore in HS.
First, idk if yours have any advanced classes, I suggested mine dropped most of his and our lives became much easier. Probably not the answer you want to hear but I thought I’d share. Second, we make a to do list on the whiteboard. Yes sometimes we BOTH miss assignments! Some teachers aren’t very organized themselves. It’s ok to catch up sometimes. Third, he is making progress as he gets into the habit of doing homework. He was always the type that struggled with anything “hard” so now he is developing those muscles little by little. Finally, I second a thorough evaluation if you can afford it. best of luck to you and your DS. The key thing is to try and not be so upset with all this. The key for me was letting go of the fact that he won’t be all AP or honors. |
Anonymous
|
You say "no ADHD signs" but every single thing you mention in your post is an ADHD sign: the "sloppiness," the missing half the assignment, the avoiding looking to see what the assignment is, the evasion and lying, the focus under certain conditions.
I'm not saying he has ADHD, I can't know that, but he sounds like a lot of kids with ADHD. |
Anonymous
When my son, who has a learning disability, was in 8th grade the team told me that 8th grade would be a big step up. Elementary school including sixth grade is about learning facts and practicing writing and typing. Eighth grade they need to use abstract thinking. It’s not all black and white. Students with poor executive functioning, on the spectrum or have a large gap between performance IQ and Verbal IQ can have difficulty at first through no fault of their own. He needs to be tested for a learning disability. |
Anonymous
|
This sounds so much like my DS, also 8th grade. However, we saw glimpses of this in earlier years and got a full neuropsych evaluation.
Is this brand new for your DS? It turned up higher end of aversfe IQ but slow processing speed and LDs. ADHD—which is almost entirely self/teacher/family reported was not as clear. We are just settling into his 504 and implementing some general strategies. It still feels like a bit of an uphill battle, in terms of missed assignments/study materials that’s happened here too—even when I was monitoring. Canvas seems straightforward but each teacher uses it differently enough that it’s deceptive. And some teachers are not organized or abuse it (my older type a / straight a DD has teachers extend due dates on the fly —eg 8pm the night before it’s due) I’d work with DS on a system or checklist to minimize. Also connect with his teachers. Good luck! You are not alone. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like a kid who needs to be grounded and have his phone taken away until he brings his grades up. He needs to realize his job is school and he needs to focus only on that. |
Anonymous
+1. He sounds exactly like my son with ADHD, who lies in the moment because it’s easier. And if not ADHD your son is clearly struggling with Executive Function issues (task initiation, planning, etc). |
Anonymous
If your child was struggling to swim would you throw him in the deep end until he was swimming well? No, you would give him swimming lessons. This sounds like a kid is missing (or still developing) certain skills and needs help, not punishment. |
Anonymous
Disagree. Everyone wants to find an excuse for why kids aren't trying, they have ADHD, they're autistic, they have anxiety, their pet rabbit died. Sometimes kids just need to get told what to do, and have strict parents. Enough with the coddling. It's not that this kid CAN'T. He WON'T. That's unacceptable. |
Anonymous
| But C’s are not bad grades. Remember: a C simply means average. |
Anonymous
| First of all, I would meet with he teachers and ask for their advice on where your DS is missing he mark. Next, I would make his assignment book my priority to help him get organized. |