Needing to change expectations (vent post)

[Anonymous]

I'm starting to think I should accept the fact that things (academically) won't improve for DC (13/8th/new 504 for dysg/dyscalc/low processing speed but normal+ IQ). The accommodations likely are not going to change the fact that there is high likelihood of 1-2 failed tests that end up tanking a quarter grade.

They used to love school but this year has just been one setback after another so they don't like it anymore (who could blame them). I feel like there is nothing to advocate for, no reason to get info from teachers. Summer is likely going to need to include a chunk of remediation and/or pre-teach. I used to check their grades daily but don't want to bother anymore.

I'm just tired and burned out and wanted to put this somewhere. Any positive thoughts or helpful ideas are welcome.

[Anonymous]

It was like that for my oldest and honestly never got better. I think 8th grade was a pretty low point and HS, until he was eligible for vo tech, was also tough because at that point, he couldn't even join clubs or activities because he couldn't meet the academic requirements. I wish I had some ideas of how to help, but I don't. We were just lucky to get a spot in vo tech because that made him want to go to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was like that for my oldest and honestly never got better. I think 8th grade was a pretty low point and HS, until he was eligible for vo tech, was also tough because at that point, he couldn't even join clubs or activities because he couldn't meet the academic requirements. I wish I had some ideas of how to help, but I don't. We were just lucky to get a spot in vo tech because that made him want to go to school.

Wow I wonder if that’s something you could adjust in the IEP? My son loves sports and is pretty good at them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was like that for my oldest and honestly never got better. I think 8th grade was a pretty low point and HS, until he was eligible for vo tech, was also tough because at that point, he couldn't even join clubs or activities because he couldn't meet the academic requirements. I wish I had some ideas of how to help, but I don't. We were just lucky to get a spot in vo tech because that made him want to go to school.

Wow I wonder if that’s something you could adjust in the IEP? My son loves sports and is pretty good at them.

It was not - I tried that. I had thought that the academic excellence criteria applied only to sports, but found out it also applied to club activities.

[Anonymous]

Are you at public or private? Private is the worst. Its such a pressure cooker and they think that extra time is some great accommodation. Extra time isn't going to help my kid who can't memorize 5 pages of random facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was like that for my oldest and honestly never got better. I think 8th grade was a pretty low point and HS, until he was eligible for vo tech, was also tough because at that point, he couldn't even join clubs or activities because he couldn't meet the academic requirements. I wish I had some ideas of how to help, but I don't. We were just lucky to get a spot in vo tech because that made him want to go to school.

Wow I wonder if that’s something you could adjust in the IEP? My son loves sports and is pretty good at them.

It was not - I tried that. I had thought that the academic excellence criteria applied only to sports, but found out it also applied to club activities.

That really sucks. I would probably raise a fuss about that. I get that certain clubs might have an academic achievement component but not all.

[Anonymous]

I think there is some adjustment of expectations that happens. I certainly stopped expecting that my kid would turn in all homework, and I accepted it would impact his grades.

One thing I didn’t change is the expectation to have a future - whatever that might be for him. I thought he was capable of college and consistently explained that college was more than academics. It was a chance to experience a new part of the country, make new friends and expose oneself to all kinds of careers and learning that weren’t available in HS. I made it clear that highly ranked colleges don’t matter, and grades during college don’t matter much either. We also talked about non-college required career options, and I made it clear that that would be fine too.

I think the most important thing I did was consistently nurture my kids interests - talking to them about stuff they were interested in, signing them up for new things they wanted to try. That’s so important for kids with ADHD.

And I changed my concept of my role. I am not the enforcer or pusher. I am here to expose my kid to a variety of opportunities, to give them options for support and to encourage them and love them through successes and failures. And, the most important thing I could teach them is that failure is common and part of the learning experience.

Ultimately, he found his path and is in college and doing fine and happy, which I really had doubts about given that, in true ADHD fashion, we were scrambling about the last few weeks of school trying to make sure he would graduate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was like that for my oldest and honestly never got better. I think 8th grade was a pretty low point and HS, until he was eligible for vo tech, was also tough because at that point, he couldn't even join clubs or activities because he couldn't meet the academic requirements. I wish I had some ideas of how to help, but I don't. We were just lucky to get a spot in vo tech because that made him want to go to school.

+1 to vo-tech. It was the difference maker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was like that for my oldest and honestly never got better. I think 8th grade was a pretty low point and HS, until he was eligible for vo tech, was also tough because at that point, he couldn't even join clubs or activities because he couldn't meet the academic requirements. I wish I had some ideas of how to help, but I don't. We were just lucky to get a spot in vo tech because that made him want to go to school.

+1 to vo-tech. It was the difference maker.

Op—thank you—what field ?

[Anonymous]

Hmmm our mcps school has never mentioned this disqualification for clubs and has actually recommended my kid participate. I wonder if it’s school specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm our mcps school has never mentioned this disqualification for clubs and has actually recommended my kid participate. I wonder if it’s school specific.

I would guess it is a private school or maybe one of the academic teams, like math counts or science olympiad.

[Anonymous]

Get transition services written into the IEP the day they turn 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was like that for my oldest and honestly never got better. I think 8th grade was a pretty low point and HS, until he was eligible for vo tech, was also tough because at that point, he couldn't even join clubs or activities because he couldn't meet the academic requirements. I wish I had some ideas of how to help, but I don't. We were just lucky to get a spot in vo tech because that made him want to go to school.

+1 to vo-tech. It was the difference maker.

Op—thank you—what field ?

Mine did automotive tech and then got a full scholarship to Montgomery College even with his bad grades. My friend’s kid did HVAC and got an apprenticeship right out of HS. I also know some kids who did the hospitality program but I don’t know what they did after HS.

A bonus was that mine made long term friendships at vo tech.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you at public or private? Private is the worst. Its such a pressure cooker and they think that extra time is some great accommodation. Extra time isn't going to help my kid who can't memorize 5 pages of random facts.

OMG this. It's either, extra time will solve everything or we'll make it as inconvenient for everyone as possible to get the extra time.

[Anonymous]

HVAC