How to appropriately decline this invite?
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Anonymous
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My DH has a close colleague, someone he speaks with multiple times daily, in both a professional and friendly basis. They also occasionally golf or get together at a sports bar to catch a game with other colleagues. DH and I have gone to dinner with him and his wife once, we attended a housewarming party at their new place, and chatted with them at two separate events other colleagues were hosting. I don’t really know her/them on a close, personal level. So much so that when I received the invite to her baby shower, I had to remember who “Mary Smith” was.
How should I tactfully decline? Am I overthinking this? The RSVP is a public site accessed through QR code and others have already declined, leaving cutesy messages with solid sounding excuses. My excuse is that I just don’t want to go. I don’t really know her and definitely don’t know her friends. I have no problem sending DH with a really nice gift. So, what am I writing on this page that everyone will see? Help! |
Anonymous
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You could simply thank her for the invite but that you have a prior commitment already planned for that day.
Keeping it short ➕ simple is best in a situation like this. |
Anonymous
| With the level of detail provided, you may have already communicated your true feelings! That is, unless you aren’t local. Ouch. |
Anonymous
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"I'm so sorry I won't be able to make it - so happy for you on this next exciting chapter in your life!"
Something like that. |
Anonymous
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You plan to send your DH with a gift?
Sounds like a guys and gals shower. I would go, just like you went to the housewarming. It won't kill you to go to the party. |
Anonymous
| Was your dh invited (coed shower) or did you just mean that you would have him drop off a gift? If your dh was also invited, then he definitely should go. You could RSVP that he can come, but unfortunately, you can’t make it, but really, if your dh got invited, this party is obviously not just her friends. If you were the only one invited, you say you’re so sorry you can’t make it, but you’re excited for her and her dh. |
Anonymous
Sorry, I meant I’ll send him to work with a gift. -OP |
Anonymous
You think she’s the only one in the area having a wedding and inviting colleagues’ wives? |
Anonymous
| Just make up an excuse (it can be "Unfortunately I can't make it that day!") write a nice message and send a gift. You can text her once or twice with well wishes. |
Anonymous
| She may not have that many friends. I would try and go at least for an hour. You could say you have plans at X time but will try and stop by and say hello. Then have one drink and a snack, drop off gift and call it a day. |
Anonymous
| That’s weird she would invite you, if you don’t know one another that well. |
Anonymous
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"Thank you so much for inviting me! Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend---best wishes to you!
And then send a gift. |
Anonymous
| Crazy to me that you, as an adult, would need help politely declining an invitation. |
Anonymous
| My rule of thumb is that if it is more trouble to come up with an excuse than just to go, just go + try to enjoy yourself. |
Anonymous
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Maybe she thought you both had moved or were moving from the spouses of husbands/acquaintances zone to her actual friend level. I give her credit for trying to make and establish friends. I know the refrain on DCUM is that everybody already has enough friends and stop trying to befriend us at soccer games, back to school events, blah blah etc. A shame.
If you don't view her as a friend, potential friend, by all means, decline. It's the thought that counts. |