How to build in respite care

[Anonymous]

My only child has ASD level 1, as well as anxiety, ADHD, and other challenging diagnoses. We’ve seen growth but it’s slow going and the kid is 12, almost 13, and we are approaching our 50s with no ability to go out on our own. When she was younger we could do babysitters. Now the typical neighborhood sitters would be the same age as our daughter. I always thought eventually we’d be bringing her with us to see plays and movies, but she finds it too overwhelming. In a few years I think she’ll be able to stay alone but for now she’s not. She gets too worried. And I feel so stuck at home.

My parents live two hours away and are frankly too old to be effective with a challenging teen. My husband’s job involves occasional travel and there are times I really need another person to help with pickup if I have a late meeting.

We sometimes send our daughter on a sleepover to a friend’s house but I think we need more options than that.

We could use a third, paid, responsible adult in the mix. Someone mature enough to drive, chill enough to be acceptable to my child, and able to rotate in to give us some relief. I’d be happy to set it up so we have a bimonthly date night every other week, so they’d know our house and routine and then could pay extra if they need to work during the week.

Where would you go to look for somebody suitable for a gig like this? Do any universities in the Maryland suburbs have education programs where we might find a special ed major? What would you pay hourly for this kind of support? More than $25 per hour? My child would likely either be masking heavily and chatting them up throughout the first view visits - or might squirrel away in their iPad. It wouldn’t be hard but we would need someone understanding.

Thanks for helping me figure this out.

[Anonymous]

I’d ask a single person working in special education—a paraeducator, ABA therapist, teacher, or tutor. You may be able to find someone on Care.com.

[Anonymous]

That’s a lot of anxiety for an ASD level 1 kid. Is she getting therapy and medical oversight? Medications can sort of help. My family found success in a drug not typically used at all for anxiety, but I won’t argue with its effectiveness and it took a long time to find it.

I would ask for a re-evaluation because she doesn’t sound level 1. The benefit would be Medicaid waiver services if her behaviors interfere that much with her daily life.

[Anonymous]

For what you are asking at least $35, maybe $50 an hour in my area.

Ask at school, see if any teachers or IAs would be interested.

[Anonymous]

Care.com and let her have the iPad so the caregiver finds it easier.

[Anonymous]

Maybe Jill's House would be right for you. We also do summer camp for respite. Look up the resources in your county. Try to make it some kind of learning experience rather than just straight babysitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe Jill's House would be right for you. We also do summer camp for respite. Look up the resources in your county. Try to make it some kind of learning experience rather than just straight babysitting.

If I remember correctly, Jill's House is for children with severe intellectual disabilities. It doesn't sound like OP's daughter is in that category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For what you are asking at least $35, maybe $50 an hour in my area.

Ask at school, see if any teachers or IAs would be interested.

$50 to hang out with a 12 year old who will either want to talk or hang out on her iPad? That's taking the SN tax entirely too far.

I'd post on your local college job board for a college student who will seem like a big sister to your kid. I would guess $20 or $25 an hour, plus their transportation to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s a lot of anxiety for an ASD level 1 kid. Is she getting therapy and medical oversight? Medications can sort of help. My family found success in a drug not typically used at all for anxiety, but I won’t argue with its effectiveness and it took a long time to find it.

I would ask for a re-evaluation because she doesn’t sound level 1. The benefit would be Medicaid waiver services if her behaviors interfere that much with her daily life.

This is so wrong and ignorant.
Tremendous anxiety is a part of ASD Level 1, it just might be more severe than in an non-autistic person. Nothing here indicates anything more than ASD Level 1 and anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For what you are asking at least $35, maybe $50 an hour in my area.

Ask at school, see if any teachers or IAs would be interested.

$50 to hang out with a 12 year old who will either want to talk or hang out on her iPad? That's taking the SN tax entirely too far.

I'd post on your local college job board for a college student who will seem like a big sister to your kid. I would guess $20 or $25 an hour, plus their transportation to you.

DP. The OP says she wants someone with special ed experience. $50 isn't crazy for that, although does seem a bit high. But I think that's overkill.

The OP is making this more complicated than it needs to be. There are adult babysitters out there. If the child is really ASD1, she doesn't need anything more than a warm body that isn't so young as to make it awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For what you are asking at least $35, maybe $50 an hour in my area.

Ask at school, see if any teachers or IAs would be interested.

$50 an hour is ridiculous! The kid would be no trouble at all.

[Anonymous]

I always had really good luck on Care.com and Urban Sitter. You have to spend a lot of time clicking through all the profiles. But there are a surprising number of middle school teachers, special Ed teachers, coaches, experienced nannies, who are looking for night and weekend work. Definitely some flakes but you can sense that in phone interviews.