What is appropriate notice for a family wedding?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I suppose I could have kept this more general, but the question specifically relates to notice for close family members expected to participate/attend. I have 3 DCs. Two are already married with kids, the third just got engaged. We are beyond thrilled. DD wants a big summer wedding and I assumed it would be summer 2027 because many of the venues book up early. But they are in their 40s and want to try for kids and found a venue for a weekend in June 2026. The issue is that many of our family members need to travel in for the wedding, and it's not much notice to me. One of my other DCs actually lives overseas with their family right now and they were just back this past summer for another family event, I'm dreading telling them because I know they were not planning to come back again next summer. My sister (DD's godmother) is scheduled to have knee replacement surgery in the spring which could hinder her attendance.
I'm not sure how we can fit in a shower between now and then either, because people will need to travel for that as well..... Obviously they are adults and can do what they want but I expect to contribute a small amount, roughly what I gave my other DCs, does that give me any say in the planning? |
Anonymous
| I think it's plenty of notice. Maybe everyone won't be able to come but there is never really a perfect date that works for everyone. And, I wouldn't be making my plans around a shower. I had no idea that people were actually expected to travel to go to them. |
Anonymous
| Send the save the date asap and you are fine. I think I have received save the dates up to 9 months in advance- 7 isn't terrible. Your daughter has a very good reason for getting married this summer and her family should be thrilled for her. I can't imagine your child who lives overseas would expect the wedding to be planned around when they last traveled here. |
Anonymous
|
7 months is plenty of notice. Also - your kid is 40. She can handle this. A quick “you might want to let folks know of the date and city ASAP since I know summer is busy for people” to your daughters is a kindness. Then butt out.
Also - some people might opt not to come. That happens and it’s okay. |
Anonymous
| No 40yr old (or not many) want to wait 1.5 years to get married. Let them do it their way and get on with life. |
Anonymous
| Plenty of notice. Do they even want a shower? And no, don't give money if there are going to be strings attached. |
Anonymous
|
If they are in their 40s and want kids and aren't trying until aftr they are married, they need to get married ASAP. I don't know how far into their 40s, your DD is but fertility only heads in one direction as you age.
You seem to be focused on all the wrong things - them getting married is far more important than the venue or other material things. It isn't their resonsiblity to plan their wedding around their siblings international vacation schedule. And if people can't come because they can't make travel plans in 6 months, then they can't come but most people can arrange travel in that amount of time. Showers are a bit passe - especially for 40 year olds. Showers were about making sure young adults who were about to get married had the basics to live independently. She and her partner probably will have too much stuff together vs not enough. You don't get a say. Your priorities for this wedding are completely different than your daughters. |
Anonymous
| It's enough and it's not your problem anyway. If people can't come, they won't come. |
Anonymous
This. Six months is plenty. Even with 18 months' notice, some people would not be able to come. Like the knee surgery is what it is. If your DD wants a kid, she needs to get to it. And moms are not supposed to throw showers. And if a shoer doesn't fit in, OH WELL. I mean FFS, she is 40. Does she not have kitchenware and towels? A shower at that age sounds a bit taky anyway. I was 32 when I got married and was very embarrassed by the notion of a shower and only invited about 12 people, all local except for my MIL- and SIL-to-be (3 hour drive) and my SIL (2 hour plane ride) and I stressed she did not need to come (but she did). |
Anonymous
| Just tell them you’re not coming because 7 months is too short notice. I’m sure they’ll understand. |
Anonymous
| 7 months is perfect. Send out save the date christmas cards. |
Anonymous
She's 45 so I recognize time is of the essence. Maybe she won't want a shower, they cohabitate and have a lot of stuff, but we had a shower for other DD and DIL so it only seems fair. Showers are always well attended by the aunts and cousins and lots of fun. I don't want to deny her that because she's older when getting married. My other DC isn't going on an international vacaction, they are in the military. I'm nervous they won't be able to come or won't be able to bring their kids. But whoever said I need to let DD handle the communication has a good point. |
Anonymous
| Oh one more thing, should I tell them to send physocal save the date cards or email? EMail is faster but tacky I think? |
Anonymous
| A year. And if they want to get pregnant now they should go for it. |
Anonymous
+100. I got engaged in January and married in August. It was no big deal. Some people couldn't come. Oh well. We wanted to get married and didn't want to be be engaged for forever, so we did. And I was 29! If I had been anxious about having kids, I would have probably hit the courthouse and called it a day. |