Friend Group Dinners At Restaurants You'd Never Go

[Anonymous]

If a friend in a group of friends suggests a meet up at a restaurant they know you don't like, do you just not go?

For instance, Sarah texts our group of 7 women suggesting a friend dinner. Everyone agrees on 7pm on December 5th. Then a bunch of restaurants get suggested, including a seafood restaurant. You are allergic to shellfish and don't care for fish.

Do you just decline the get together or do you eat a huge lunch and then just get drinks or a small salad?

Are you right to be put off by this when everyone knows your allergy?

I'm trying real hard to not be offended here.

[Anonymous]

Get a salad. It should be about the company, not the meal.

[Anonymous]

It's a problem if it's a regular occurrence, and I would reevaluate my participation in the group if it is.

If this just happens to be the restaurant the group chose this time, NBD. Even seafood restaurants usually have a non-seafood option. Order a cheeseburger (or whatever), make sure the waiter knows about your allergy so the kitchen can avoid cross-contamination, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Did you reply that you don't eat at seafood restaurants due to your allergy?

[Anonymous]

Text back to remind all that you are allergic and then list your top three choices. Then see what the group decides. Then go from there.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be put off, people forget. I don't expect that me and my allergy are at the forefront of everyone's mind.

I just got a salad as I've found it's easier to prevent cross contamination with cold items. At the restaurant, friends remembered the allergy and felt bad. It was NBD. Like another PP said, it's about the company and not the meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you reply that you don't eat at seafood restaurants due to your allergy?

I think the answer to this is key as to whether you have a right to be offended. People usually don't remember other people's invisible health issues. If I thought the restaurant posed a risk to my health I'd bow out. Otherwise, I'd go and find something that isn't seafood to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a salad. It should be about the company, not the meal.

+1
There are so many food intolerances these days it's hard to remember and plan around. If you can find SOMETHING at the restaurant to eat, go and be quiet about it. Don't be that person. I have a lot of tolerance for people with something like celiac. You don't like fish? Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you reply that you don't eat at seafood restaurants due to your allergy?

OP here. I didn't reply at all because I don't want to make this about me. But Sarah knows my allergy and has seen me have an allergic reaction to a crab dip (thought it was artichoke dip) at a wedding a few years ago. I had to take a benadryl and go home.

I just would never suggest a place that I knew wouldn't work for someone. It seems deliberate.

[Anonymous]

As soon as it was suggested (you said a bunch of restaurants were suggested) you say “oh, would prefer not Casa Larla because I’m allergic to shellfish. Any of the other options sound great!”

So why didn’t you speak up then??

[Anonymous]

Is it an airborne allergy? Then be offended. If not, then eat shellfish. They have other things on the menu. Even at Red Lobster!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As soon as it was suggested (you said a bunch of restaurants were suggested) you say “oh, would prefer not Casa Larla because I’m allergic to shellfish. Any of the other options sound great!”

So why didn’t you speak up then??

+1.

I have strict dietary preferences but don't expect people to remember them-- even people who have known me for 15 years. People forget, and a lot of people have some food-related thing these days. Just advocate for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you reply that you don't eat at seafood restaurants due to your allergy?

OP here. I didn't reply at all because I don't want to make this about me. But Sarah knows my allergy and has seen me have an allergic reaction to a crab dip (thought it was artichoke dip) at a wedding a few years ago. I had to take a benadryl and go home.

I just would never suggest a place that I knew wouldn't work for someone. It seems deliberate.

Ridiculous main character syndrome here thinking it is deliberate. Several years ago you had to take a Bendryl? Yeah, people won't remember that. You weren't airlifted out by helo to save your life from airborne exposure to save your life or even need an epipen. Drama queen. Order something else.

[Anonymous]

I would rather be reminded beforehand than pick a place and then realize why one of my friends is having the salad and breadsticks.

It is about the company and taking care of each other.

[Anonymous]

I would not say anything, go and order something that you can eat, and enjoy time with friends. If someone asks why you aren't ordering the king crab, you can say you are allergic, but do not make this about you. Don't waste your energy feeling hurt for something that was very likely a harmless oversight.