Applying Out: Did School Treat DC Differently?

[Anonymous]

For families who have applied out—did your child’s school or teachers treat your DC any differently once they found out?

And if your DC didn’t get into another school and ended up staying, what was the experience like afterward?

[Anonymous]

Depends on your school, but I think this is more common than you think. Especially around here. I wouldn’t expect any drama over it. Most educators really do want kids to be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on your school, but I think this is more common than you think. Especially around here. I wouldn’t expect any drama over it. Most educators really do want kids to be happy.

Agreed. And if you end up staying, they'll likely just be glad and move on.

One suggestion: if you have an older kid, give them some simple guidance about how to discuss this at school. It doesn't need to be a massive secret, but you don't want them walking around (for example) comparing their current school to the others you're considering – especially if you like your current school and might stay. Kids also don't always understand that admissions are selective, and it sucks to tell your friends you're going to School A and then you don't get in.

[Anonymous]

Don’t trash your current school to your kid. They stop engaging and sometimes become disruptive.
Sometimes kids don’t gel with their class or need a bigger environment. Teachers see that and will support a change that is better for the student.

[Anonymous]

We applied out, and the school could not have been nicer about it. It helped that we proactively reached out to the HOS to discuss the "why" behind it. No reason not to address it up front -- you'll need the school's help with transcripts etc.

[Anonymous]

We applied out after 8th grade, in a school that went through 12th. It had been clear starting in 7th that the school wasn't a good fit and we had many conversations before we applied about ways that my child could be supported. Those conversations continued after we applied out, although were no more productive. I was sad when no one said goodbye or we wish you the best or I'm sorry we couldn't make it work.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion no one minds if you consider other schools and decide to stay as long as you don't trash the current school. If it's like "you are a terrible school and you hate my child and are inadequate and can't help them, we're going somewhere that appreciates my special snowflake" and then you stay, there honestly will probably be a bit of "haha I guess everyone else thinks your special snowflake is just a normal kid after all" behind your back.

If it's just like "we were considering Other School for the stronger science program but we decided Current School was a better overall fit" then it's whatever and no one should be weird about it.

[Anonymous]

This may come off rude but I don't intend it that way. As a teacher, it really doesn't matter to me one way or another if your family decides to apply out. I have a lot of students and they who come and go for various reasons which frankly, are none of my business. I really don't think you have anything to worry about in that regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may come off rude but I don't intend it that way. As a teacher, it really doesn't matter to me one way or another if your family decides to apply out. I have a lot of students and they who come and go for various reasons which frankly, are none of my business. I really don't think you have anything to worry about in that regard.

+1. Some won’t even know, and the rest are focused on a hundred other things.

If staying is a solid option, proceed like that’s the plan. The only way applying out can become an issue is if your child starts disengaging (or speaking poorly about their current school) because they think they’re on the way out.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks. Helpful perspectives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may come off rude but I don't intend it that way. As a teacher, it really doesn't matter to me one way or another if your family decides to apply out. I have a lot of students and they who come and go for various reasons which frankly, are none of my business. I really don't think you have anything to worry about in that regard.

I'm also a teacher at an independent school and I would say parents, be warned. I have seen a current school give a highly unfavorable recommendations of a student whose report cards indicate no behavior problems and the students sailed through the shadow day with no problem. We denied entry to the student over this negative recommendation letter and I couldn't help thinking the teacher wrote negatively about the student out of spite. It was so over the top but my school took it seriously.

[Anonymous]

I was actually surprised that our k-8 gave leads in the musical to kids who were applying out. I absolutely do not think they should be treated poorly— and I doubt any classroom teacher would do so— but I also think that pause should be given to allocating one-time opportunities and leadership roles to families with one foot out the door.

[Anonymous]

Applying out isn't a bad thing or end of the world. Our family did so because our older DC wanted a larger peer group. While we loved the school, it was detrimental socially, so we had to do what was best. DC was starting to not have much in common with the same 20-30 kids from Preschool/Kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was actually surprised that our k-8 gave leads in the musical to kids who were applying out. I absolutely do not think they should be treated poorly— and I doubt any classroom teacher would do so— but I also think that pause should be given to allocating one-time opportunities and leadership roles to families with one foot out the door.

Why? My participation in this year's play isn't impacted by whether I'll be at the school next year. Unless punishment is your goal.

[Anonymous]

We applied out many years ago after one year in preK. It was clear the school was not a good fit. I would say things got a bit colder once we did so. The last month or so was quite awkward but not unbearable.