I feel both overwhelmed/overstimulated and also lonely/bored at the same time

[Anonymous]

It sort of feels contradictory and I don't know what to do about it.

Two busy teens in HS and a husband that works a lot. I feel like a task rabbit, constantly doing chores, errands and driving. The overstimulation makes it hard for me to try to combat my boredom because I just want a break. But then I also feel bored and lonely. It makes no sense. I just feel bleh and sort of irritable.

Can anyone relate?

[Anonymous]

100%

One of my solutions is to carve out time that I won't do any chores/appointments etc. and pick something fulfilling to do. If I don't plan it ahead of time, it won't happen, but if it's on my calendar I'll do it, and can usually get something out it

[Anonymous]

Yes. I feel like all I do is make food all day-breakfast, pack lunches, first dinners, second dinners and drive people places.

[Anonymous]

You are bored because you're not doing anything to fulfill YOUR interests. Go to a movie, go do something with a friend, go see a play, go to a museum, sign up for a class you're interested in, etc.

You're lonely because your family is viewing you as someone who gets things done in the house, but not as a person.

[Anonymous]

Get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a job.

Have one. Any other brilliant insight or just here to criticize?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are bored because you're not doing anything to fulfill YOUR interests. Go to a movie, go do something with a friend, go see a play, go to a museum, sign up for a class you're interested in, etc.

You're lonely because your family is viewing you as someone who gets things done in the house, but not as a person.

1000

[Anonymous]

+1 for carving time out for yourself. I hike or walk every week with a friend. Teens left at home during the day/early evening can figure out how to take care of themselves. I also leave my house and go to a coffee shop nearby at times when I just want peace and quiet. I may read for an hour and then get back to it. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a job.

Have one. Any other brilliant insight or just here to criticize?

Do you like your job? I felt like how you did until I changed jobs to one that I enjoy and stimulates me.

Otherwise, what can you get off your plate so you have more time for the things that rejuvenate you? Can you kids step up more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a job.

Have one. Any other brilliant insight or just here to criticize?

Do you like your job? I felt like how you did until I changed jobs to one that I enjoy and stimulates me.

Otherwise, what can you get off your plate so you have more time for the things that rejuvenate you? Can you kids step up more?

I am a teacher. It’s fine. I am not a classroom teacher so it’s better than most - I teach EL across a couple elementary grade levels. It does take a lot of patience some days but the hours are good and I don’t bring much work home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sort of feels contradictory and I don't know what to do about it.

Two busy teens in HS and a husband that works a lot. I feel like a task rabbit, constantly doing chores, errands and driving. The overstimulation makes it hard for me to try to combat my boredom because I just want a break. But then I also feel bored and lonely. It makes no sense. I just feel bleh and sort of irritable.

Can anyone relate?

Do you not work? Maybe get a part time job or something to keep yourself busy then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I feel like all I do is make food all day-breakfast, pack lunches, first dinners, second dinners and drive people places.

This is my life. Plus filling containers. Emptying containers. Hunting containers down in cars and backpacks. Washing containers. Hoping they air dried overnight because I hate drying them.

[Anonymous]

My life got a lot better when both kids started buying lunch at school and when my older one got a car. Both kids doing their own laundry since they were tweens.

Maybe there are some shortcuts or breaks you can give yourself?

Women have slid into being both breadwinners and taking care of most of the house and kid stuff. It’s a bit of a scam and we need to push back more.

[Anonymous]

I can relate. This is especially true for me because I got downsized. My kids being older means they're out more (you said yours are busy), and although I do NOT miss their needing my attention as often as they used to, and me feeling desperate for downtime, I also feel a little listless. I feel better when I have time to connect with my spouse, who, after all, I married because I enjoy them so much. Do you get time with your husband?

I also wonder if some of what you want is a feeling of being needed and enmeshed in a group. Your job sounds not too taxing but also maybe you don't have quite enough adult engagement? Maybe I'm reading into it because of my own work situation, and not everyone needs that, but I do.

I have gotten a little better at finding things that engage me--I always want to have a book, series, or podcast that I'm into. There are numerous social action things I can get involved in -- working at a food pantry or the Free DC movement. Even an online class in a topic I'm interested in, once a week, makes me happy for that hour. Again, this is true for me, and I'm not sure it would work for you, but I mention it in case it's helpful.

[Anonymous]

OP (and others who feel this way), I think one thing that can really help-- as the immediate PP mentioned-- is to find an activity (ideally a group one) where you are feeling engaged and valued, and you're having fun. I'm going to be posting this on Off-topic too, but I'll share below the information about an upcoming program (starting this Tuesday) with a local chorus that is a wonderful way to get out of the house and carve out some time for yourself, separate from work and family. I first checked out this group at this time of year (over a decade ago) for the holiday program, when I just needed to get away from my little kids and do something for ME, and now all this time later I'm still a member; it's one of the most important things that I do for myself. I've made great new friends, get to feel creative and to laugh and to contribute each week to something beautiful, and I am a different person than the mom and wife and worker that I am the rest of the week.

***
Celebrate the season with the Capital Accord Chorus’s free Sing for the Holidays program which runs from November 18 to December 13 in Silver Spring. Past guests have had a lot of fun joining us to bring joy to our community.

Learn a few of our favorite holiday songs and perform with us in up to three December shows if you like — no long-term commitment is required! Come sing, celebrate, and maybe find your new musical home with the Capital Accord Chorus!

We welcome women and nonbinary treble-range singers (soprano, second soprano, alto) to sing four-part a cappella harmony in the barbershop style. We are especially looking for singers in the low alto range.

You’re invited to:
🗓️ Rehearsals: Tuesdays, November 18, 25 and December 2, from 7:30–9 p.m.
Performances: December 6, 9, and 13, followed by a chorus party!

📍 Location: Margaret Schweinhaut Senior Center, 1000 Forest Glen Road, Silver Spring, near Holy Cross Hospital and the Forest Glen metro station.

Please register at https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdkKKfU_uxeVQKWJx1pZ2pfiQyH0GDagDBMimiMVoOwtBx8_Q/viewform
For more information about us, check out our website www.capitalaccord.org as well as our Facebook and Instagram pages. If you can’t participate this season, you're still welcome to visit the chorus on a Tuesday night whenever it works for you; just check our website first to confirm that rehearsal is on as usual.