I feel weak-is it normal?

[Anonymous]

I am the poster who still hasn’t confronted spouse after it became clear that he has been cheating for a while and has denied before. I saw some attorneys but now I am feeling so weak. I was convinced that this life is not for me but the idea of breaking the family and the life I have known just breaks my heart. He leaves for a work trip soon, and has been around me for the entire weekend and the day. I feel like I am spiraling..

[Anonymous]

Please don't start new threads - just add to the one you already started. No idea what you're talking about. But if you want to stay with a cheater and let your kids find out their happy family was a total lie their whole childhoods then stay. You want to teach a son to marry a woman who won't leave him when he cheats? Stay. You want to teach a daughter to let a man treat her like crap? Stay.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's normal to be distraught at the prospect of divorce.

Just keep focused on what you need to do to protect yourself.

Don't be too clingy to the house. Focus on what is emotionally and financially the best thing to do for you and your kids. Kids can thrive in a variety of settings as long as they are loved.

Have you been to chumplady.com? It helps some people.

[Anonymous]

You are not breaking up the family and the life you’ve known. HE did that by his actions. You don’t need to take ownership of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not breaking up the family and the life you’ve known. HE did that by his actions. You don’t need to take ownership of that.

^^ read that again. Do not let him project: HE did this to your family, not you

[Anonymous]

You still need to plan that divorce.
Those feelings are expected and won’t go away as you’ve been lied and cheated on.

Zero excuses.

[Anonymous]

Approach this like the rest of your life is at stake. Because it is. Get a good lawyer and LISTEN to them. Get a good therapist and process your feelings with them (not the lawyer).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't start new threads - just add to the one you already started. No idea what you're talking about. But if you want to stay with a cheater and let your kids find out their happy family was a total lie their whole childhoods then stay. You want to teach a son to marry a woman who won't leave him when he cheats? Stay. You want to teach a daughter to let a man treat her like crap? Stay.

It’s only that black and white if you want it to be.

Relationships, love and marriage are complicated. Go see a therapist who can help you sort out what you want out of all three and then talk to your husband and determine your path forward.

You feel weak now, but you are getting stronger. It sucks, and I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP think and act like a man. I am telling you from experience. I have zero regrets breaking up my "family" when my ex wife cheated. Your life will be better off and with minimal cooperation with your hopefully ex-husband your kids will be okay. Put your kids center stage and you f will find solutions. Don't listen to the people here who are stuck and using their kids as excuses for still staying married to a piece of sh**t cheater.

[Anonymous]

Go visit 2 websites:
1) www.chumplady.com (get a copy of her book, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life)
2) www.survivinginfidelity.com

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't start new threads - just add to the one you already started. No idea what you're talking about. But if you want to stay with a cheater and let your kids find out their happy family was a total lie their whole childhoods then stay. You want to teach a son to marry a woman who won't leave him when he cheats? Stay. You want to teach a daughter to let a man treat her like crap? Stay.

Wow. Have a little empathy. Finding out your husband is cheating and realizing that you may need to break up your family is traumatizing. Way to blame the victim. Yes, she has to figure it out at some point, but she’s trying… For example, by posting on DCUM and asking for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't start new threads - just add to the one you already started. No idea what you're talking about. But if you want to stay with a cheater and let your kids find out their happy family was a total lie their whole childhoods then stay. You want to teach a son to marry a woman who won't leave him when he cheats? Stay. You want to teach a daughter to let a man treat her like crap? Stay.

This.

[Anonymous]

I think there are some women (and men) who just cannot be single or alone. They are not independent, but codependent. She should just wait until he decides to leave her (which seems likely) and get a good settlement.

[Anonymous]

OP, please seek your own therapy. DCUM can be great (been here for 15 years!) but problem here are going to project their own experiences on to yours.

I’ve personally met people who have cheated, and happily stayed together and people who are in miserable marriages with no cheating. And lots in between.

There is no right or wrong, and there is no shame for however you choose to move forward for you and for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Cheating is not the reason for divorce. Nothing will change for the better for your kids or you on the other side. You’ll meet even worse men who were divorced by their wives for that same reasons on the other side- cheating , abuse , financially unsound.
Better to stay and try repairing what you have. Particular if he’s a good father and provider