15 year old quit everything - worried

[Anonymous]

My teen sophomore literally does nothing and I am concerned. They used to play sports, play an instrument, do scouting, and do theater/acting, and enjoyed them all. Normal happy well rounded teen. This year they have stopped doing all of it. Quit sports after we spent $1000 on a club team - just refused to go and we aren’t in the position to physically force them. Quit the instrument and refuses to play or go. Quit scouts saying it’s not fun anymore. And no longer wants to audition for any theater or acting programs or projects.

My kid has become a quitter.

I wish I could say they are focusing on schoolwork but they are getting Bs and Cs and an occasional D or F.

All they want to do is sit around, play videogames in the computer, eat, and watch TV.

I am very concerned about their mental health and well being - even though they seem perfectly content and happy doing nothing. I am worried about college admissions. I don’t want an adult sloth freeloading and loafing around but at this rate they won’t get into college.

Has anyone else gone through this? DC already sees a therapist but refuses to talk or engage with the doc and just sits giving one word answers.

[Anonymous]

No advice. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Your first mistake was letting them get out of the commitment to the sport
That is if they wanted to play before the $1000 commitment

A job to pay you back if they signed up if you forced then then that’s on you

Lots of 15 year olds go through this but it doesn’t happen in a vacuum . Their interests change or something with friend group

Video games are fine

Schoolwork issue is more of a concern

[Anonymous]

Is your 15 year old a boy?

If so, yep, me too. He's still going to stuff but gives 0 sh&t about anything. It's so hard to engage him about anything.

I finally got him motivated to make money to buy his own phone. So I'm paying him to cooperate / do things outside of "just" school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen sophomore literally does nothing and I am concerned. They used to play sports, play an instrument, do scouting, and do theater/acting, and enjoyed them all. Normal happy well rounded teen. This year they have stopped doing all of it. Quit sports after we spent $1000 on a club team - just refused to go and we aren’t in the position to physically force them. Quit the instrument and refuses to play or go. Quit scouts saying it’s not fun anymore. And no longer wants to audition for any theater or acting programs or projects.

My kid has become a quitter.

I wish I could say they are focusing on schoolwork but they are getting Bs and Cs and an occasional D or F.

All they want to do is sit around, play videogames in the computer, eat, and watch TV.

I am very concerned about their mental health and well being - even though they seem perfectly content and happy doing nothing. I am worried about college admissions. I don’t want an adult sloth freeloading and loafing around but at this rate they won’t get into college.

Has anyone else gone through this? DC already sees a therapist but refuses to talk or engage with the doc and just sits giving one word answers.

How sudden was this change? And have you actually asked your DC "Why have you lost interest in all of these things? What changed for you?" That's a really important question to know the answer to before giving advice.

That said, without knowing more about what your teen's explanation is, my advice is to start by talking to their pediatrician and school counselor. Get each of their views on how "normal" or not this is, and more importantly their take on reasons this may be happening. Also school counselor may be able to direct you to a couple of your DC's teachers who may have specific thoughts about your DC's shift.

[Anonymous]

They sound depressed. If they won't talk to the therapist they have, find a different one. I know that's hard, but keep trying. Also try talking to them yourself, and find out if the school has seen anything.

My older sister nearly died from a suicide attempt at 15. I'm the one who called 911 and waited with her while she seized on the floor until they came. Yes, I'm saying this to scare you...but also to let you know that it's okay and smart to be overly-concerned at this age.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The sport was crew and involved getting up at 4 am before school for 5am practice and DC started refusing to go and I couldn’t physically drag them out of bed. I have my own job and another sibling to get to school in the mornings. I don’t think DC fully understood the commitment involved. There were 3 instances when I was the one up at 4am driving other carpool teammates to practice when my own child refused to go. I can’t do that.

[Anonymous]

Depression? Does the kid hang out witg friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They sound depressed. If they won't talk to the therapist they have, find a different one. I know that's hard, but keep trying. Also try talking to them yourself, and find out if the school has seen anything.

My older sister nearly died from a suicide attempt at 15. I'm the one who called 911 and waited with her while she seized on the floor until they came. Yes, I'm saying this to scare you...but also to let you know that it's okay and smart to be overly-concerned at this age.

Yeah, I would be concerned about mental health over future considerations like college admissions.

[Anonymous]

Stop buying them junk food, only feed them actual meals, take away the screens, take the door off their bedroom until they come out regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They sound depressed. If they won't talk to the therapist they have, find a different one. I know that's hard, but keep trying. Also try talking to them yourself, and find out if the school has seen anything.

My older sister nearly died from a suicide attempt at 15. I'm the one who called 911 and waited with her while she seized on the floor until they came. Yes, I'm saying this to scare you...but also to let you know that it's okay and smart to be overly-concerned at this age.

+1
This is good advice. Speaking from similar experience with my kid, something is going on with your DC. They need help navigating it. Keep trying.

[Anonymous]

It could be depression.

It also could your DC recognizing that the UMC/aspiring class rat race for teens is unhealthy for some kids and they have a better quality life not competing in it.

[Anonymous]

Try talking with him to find out what’s going on and ask if he’s like you to find a different therapist.

Tell him fine not to do crew but you need to find a physical outlet because it’s an important part of being healthy. It’s fine if he doesn’t want to continue with the instrument, scouting etc but he needs to either find a volunteer gig or get a job. Video games are not allowed on school days.

Something must have happened to result in that kind of abrupt change. Find out what that something is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The sport was crew and involved getting up at 4 am before school for 5am practice and DC started refusing to go and I couldn’t physically drag them out of bed. I have my own job and another sibling to get to school in the mornings. I don’t think DC fully understood the commitment involved. There were 3 instances when I was the one up at 4am driving other carpool teammates to practice when my own child refused to go. I can’t do that.

To be fair to your kid that schedule blows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be depression.

It also could your DC recognizing that the UMC/aspiring class rat race for teens is unhealthy for some kids and they have a better quality life not competing in it.

This is what my 15 year old openly tells me.

As for school, I found attractive female tutors keep him engaged on subjects he's struggling with. He's super shy with women so I hope him conversing in even a nerdy way with a woman helps him feel more confident in real life.