Unsure what to do: DC6 apparently "bullied" another kid

[Anonymous]

This is our first time navigating this so I am looking for some strategies apart from what we plan to do.

DC (first grade, age 6, autistic) reportedly is "saying mean things" to their table buddy. The teacher shared that this has been reported twice by the other child's parent. The teacher shared the words used by my DC, but I have never heard them use these words at home (not swear words, not epithets), and the teacher shared that she had also not heard the interaction, but wanted to let me know. Teacher says the other parent is reporting my child for bullying.

I do not want any child to be hurt by my own, so I'd like to address it. Beyond explaining kind/mean words to my child, and reinforcing kind language and behavior, is there much else that can be done? I had no idea that DC even knew these words and their receptive language isn't the strongest, so I'm not even sure they fully understand what I'm trying to explain.

[Anonymous]

OP based on experiences I have had, I wouldn't explain too much before you understand what happened and what your kid was/is thinking. I'm not saying you shouldn't address the bullying reports. I'm saying that until/unless you get more info, your attempts could backfire.

With my ASD kid, I never got a full story in one single conversation. I had to ask multiple times, and approach the subject from different angles.

[Anonymous]

What are the next steps on the school's end-- anything?

I would speak with whoever's in charge of your DC's IEP and see what support they can provide. They may be able to more subtly observe the table group to figure out what's going on, and work with your son on pragmatic speech and social skills to address this specific concern.

Get as many perspectives as you can. Sometimes kids will report what *feels* true to them, but don't have the full information or the perspective to give an accurate report.

[Anonymous]

What exactly did your child say since it wasn't swear words or an epithet?

Was it something factual that hurt the other child's feelings like your teeth are crooked? So not nice to say but is factual?

Was it something meant to be hurtful?

Without saying what your child is saying it is hard to really know what is going on.

And really if the parent is reporting this to the teacher but the teacher never hears it and the student hasn't gone up to the teacher and told the teacher, there is a whole other layer of not really knowing what is going on.

In the short term the simplest thing to do is ask they are no longer seated near each other.

[Anonymous]

Is this something you could reach out to the other parent about? In a “I want to take this seriously but due to language difficulties my kid can’t communicate exactly what happened, what are you hearing?”

[Anonymous]

Is the teacher changing up the seating? That seems like an easy first step here. These two kids need to be separated.

Then, see if your kid acknowledges saying any of it. As an example, I got a call from another mom telling me my kid screamed “I hate you” at her child in 4th grade. This seemed very out of character for my kid. At that age, I wasn’t ever hearing her use the word “hate” - not even I hate broccoli kind of stuff. My kid also wasn’t a yeller at all. I talked to my kid. She told me what happened. I called the mom back who spoke to her kid again and her kid admitted that my kid had not screamed she hated her. I’m sure the truth is in between what both kids said. My kid did apologize for her part in the situation.

Of course, you need to coach your kid on kindness. But don’t overreact here. These kids are 6 and you may never know what really happened. The teacher is going to have to manage this “on the spot.”