Thinking about Baby #4

[Anonymous]

I can’t help but think about having a 4th almost everyday. Yes I am very grateful and blessed to have 3 healthy children and that I should be happy and move on but while I’m still in relatively in childbearing phase, I can’t help but think about it. My partner is a clear NO and everyone around me says NO which is also a bit frustrating to hear. I just don’t know if I should just work on ending this chapter and grieving that or just pursue it at some point?

[Anonymous]

Pursue what? Your partner does not want any more children. You already have three. I'd seek therapy if I were you for your "grieving."

[Anonymous]

Children are a double opt in. Partner no, means no. I would focus on doing what you need to do to move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children are a double opt in. Partner no, means no. I would focus on doing what you need to do to move on

+1

All this other stuff and other people aren't relevant. Your husband is a no, so it's a no.

[Anonymous]

Jesus christ, one person says no it's an automatic no. Don't you love your current children enough? They aren't good enough for you?

[Anonymous]

Your partner says no so that’s final.

FWIW we almost had four. But my kids are tweens and teen now and it’s best we didn’t. The logistics of activities is no joke, even though I limit each kid to two activities a season (usually an instrument and a sport). Four kids would require an au pair until at least two can drive unless you say no to everything and that’s not fair to the kids.

[Anonymous]

I wanted 3 and we had 2 because my partner was a hard NO for a third. End of story. I got over it. I was just telling someone last night I am glad we stopped at 2. My partner was right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your partner says no so that’s final.

FWIW we almost had four. But my kids are tweens and teen now and it’s best we didn’t. The logistics of activities is no joke, even though I limit each kid to two activities a season (usually an instrument and a sport). Four kids would require an au pair until at least two can drive unless you say no to everything and that’s not fair to the kids.

That’s helpful - thanks

[Anonymous]

My partner is a clear NO

I would not even consider a dog if my partner was a clear NO. This is a human being ffs.

[Anonymous]

Please don't litigate this personal family matter with "everyone around you". The mailman, the PTA, your neighbor's dogwalker don't need to weigh in on this.

Please heed the sensible advice here to accept the bounty you already have. Don't play into the empty-chair nonsense.

[Anonymous]

What exactly is driving you to want another child? I have never understood mass reproducers.

[Anonymous]

The only person I know who went for #4 had twins. She says 5 kids is too many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only person I know who went for #4 had twins. She says 5 kids is too many.

Maybe theyre all boys and she wants to keep going for a girl? Those are the only people I know iwth 4/5/6 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is driving you to want another child? I have never understood mass reproducers.

It's fine if a couple wants and can raise 4 children or more. It's also fine if they want none or one or two or three.

The only relevant question is if both want a child. Here, he doesn't, so they shouldn't.

[Anonymous]

It's biological - the urge to reproduce. Tell your husband that it is a natural urge and you can't do anything about it. Or go on birth control and that will suppress the hormones behind the urge.