Fiance made a troubling comment

[Anonymous]

Last night we were talking about a singer who has been with her boyfriend for 10 years. She has a teenage child from a previous relationship and a 3 year old boy with her boyfriend of 10 years.

Her name came up in discussion last night because she has this one song that my fiance likes.

When he mentioned the song I said you know speaking of her the news is reporting that her and her boyfriend of 10 years broke up since he refuses to marry her. This has been a point of contention throughout their relationship.

My fiance proceeds to say that she doesn't seem like the marrying type. He then says she shouldn't have broken up with him because now she's less valuable since she's a single mom with kids.

I was really offended when he called this woman less valuable due to being single with kids. I expressed to him that I was offended by his comment.

The weird thing is when my fiance and I met I was a single mom with two kids so that makes it even more hurtful to hear him say such a thing. And now I'm wondering is this how he thinks about me?

Do you think I am overacting to his comment? I woke up this morning still thinking about his words from last night. How would you handle this situation if it were you?

[Anonymous]

when my fiance and I met I was a single mom with two kids

You still have two kids, right? You still ARE a single mom, right?
He's only a boyfriend, right?
What IS your end-game with this man?

You shouldn't be hoping to stay with him, in the hopes of getting married. I'm not saying you even should get married a second time, not saying that should be your goal. Are you financially independent? Not reliant on him? You need to be.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever been married?

[Anonymous]

I think it makes sense. Majority of people would agree. The only thing that is weird is why he told you.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

To answer the above questions yes I am still a single mom of two kids. My kids are from a previous relationship with a man I was not married to. He proposed but I turned him down due to some concerns I had with the relationship.

My current fiance and I got engaged 3 years ago with the intent to get married however I am concerned about some behaviors and comments I am seeing from him lately.

To answer the other question even though he makes more than me no I am not financially reliant upon him. He makes about $230k annually and I make about $100k. We also purchased a house together locally as well as a condo overseas. So far that's the extent of our financial entanglements.

[Anonymous]

Sounds entangled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

To answer the above questions yes I am still a single mom of two kids. My kids are from a previous relationship with a man I was not married to. He proposed but I turned him down due to some concerns I had with the relationship.

My current fiance and I got engaged 3 years ago with the intent to get married however I am concerned about some behaviors and comments I am seeing from him lately.

To answer the other question even though he makes more than me no I am not financially reliant upon him. He makes about $230k annually and I make about $100k. We also purchased a house together locally as well as a condo overseas. So far that's the extent of our financial entanglements.

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

[Anonymous]

Sounds messy. You've lived your life rather messy. The word "messy" could be substituted for "not the marrying kind". imo

[Anonymous]

Do you have an actual wedding date, or the two of you just using the term "fiance"?

[Anonymous]

We do not have a wedding date. Our finances during the past 3 years of our engagement have been tied up in the condo being built over seas. We had to pay cash for it as there were no financing options available and things moved slowly in the country that we purchased in.

[Anonymous]

The two of you seem like you are compatibly dysfunctional. Enjoy each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

To answer the above questions yes I am still a single mom of two kids. My kids are from a previous relationship with a man I was not married to. He proposed but I turned him down due to some concerns I had with the relationship.

My current fiance and I got engaged 3 years ago with the intent to get married however I am concerned about some behaviors and comments I am seeing from him lately.

To answer the other question even though he makes more than me no I am not financially reliant upon him. He makes about $230k annually and I make about $100k. We also purchased a house together locally as well as a condo overseas. So far that's the extent of our financial entanglements.

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Purchasing real estate is way better than having kids with someone you aren’t married to. Especially since the boyfriend earns way more than her.

[Anonymous]

If you have been engaged for three years, what is the point of being engaged?

And why on earth did you purchase real estate with a person you are not married to?

Op here. I think the point of engagement is to show that there is a serious intent to get married. Obviously some engagements can end without marriage.

Why not purchase real estate? Better than throwing money away on rent. If we decided to sell at least there's equity earned in the property.

[Anonymous]

OP - yes, that’s how he thinks about you. Period.
By the way, was the cash paid for the condo mostly his ? If so, take it as a fair settlement for your time with this jerk and move on
I wouldn’t marry him if I were you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The two of you seem like you are compatibly dysfunctional. Enjoy each other.

+1