Close friend had a party and didn't invite me. How do you deal with the hurt feelings?
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Anonymous
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This friend spoke to me a few days ago and was on the phone for a long time but never mentioned anything about it. This morning I get a text from another friend asking me why I wasn't at her party yesterday.
Apparently it was to celebrate a milestone in their family and some friends whom I introduced to her were invited. I feel so hurt and not sure where to go from here. The friends I introduced and her were getting closer lately but to shut me out makes me sad. I feel like I have lost the friends I introduced and her all in one go. |
Anonymous
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It think the long phone call was a way for your friend to keep the friendship alive. I don't think she wants to ditch you, but evidently, she can't handle too many at dinner all at once.
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Anonymous
| I'm sorry, op. |
Anonymous
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Wow that’s awful, especially if you introduced her to the friends. I’m sorry, OP. If other mutual friends ask why you weren’t there I would just be honest and say you weren’t invited and had no idea it was happening.
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Anonymous
| I had a similar thing and it was awkward as hell with people asking why I wasn’t there. I don’t know why I wasn’t invited (it was a very big party), but assumed she had a reason and it was a clear sign that I should reevaluate. I pulled back after that. We are still friendly, but not close friends anymore. |
Anonymous
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This has happened to me. It turned out her husband doesn't care for my husband. Really sucks when people only want to socialize as couples.
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Anonymous
OP here. Our husbands get along great as well. |
Anonymous
| I really don’t like it when people omit the intermediary, the introducer. Seems rude to me. You are the connector. |
Anonymous
| How big was the party? Lots of people, or mainly just family and a couple of friends? |
Anonymous
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I’d send a text to say you’d like to talk to her but don’t want to put her on the spot. But you feel like maybe there is some distance between and you want to see if you’ve done something/can apologize/fix things.
Maybe it’s an oversight. Maybe her kids don’t like yours. Maybe you have gotten annoying. Maybe you accidentally said something hurtful about her and her family. Maybe your friend is an insensitive jerk. We have no idea what’s going on and apparently neither do you. So ask with an open mind. |
Anonymous
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I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve had it happen and it feels horrible. I am no longer close with those people. If it were me, I would be straightforward and ask why I wasn’t invited and express how it made me feel. That’s what I did and was given some lame excuse which is what lead to me distancing myself from those relationships…some of which were 25 year old friendships. I then started to evaluate the friendships and realized they had been unkind to me in many ways over the years and I was always overlooking the behavior.
I would suggest just asking why. The answer may speak more than their words. |
Anonymous
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Op, I am the friend in this scenario. About two years ago, I slowly started fading a longtime friend/relative. I know it hurt her, but telling her why would hurt her even more. Simply put, I had outgrown her, but more specifically, I don't respect her or her choices. I find her integrity and morals to be low. I feel like I made the right choice by not explaining.
Sometimes, just accepting something and moving on is best. I do agree that it sucks that she stole your friends. |
Anonymous
You should explain this to her. It's awful of you to just ghost her. You're just as bad. |
Anonymous
Not that PP, but if the judgement is that morals and integrity are low, I don't think having a conversation about it is going to fix anything. |
Anonymous
| maybe she doesn't think you guys are as close as you think. |