Did you stay at the house?

[Anonymous]

After confronting for cheating, did you stay in the same house? If the spouse denied it, what did you do?

[Anonymous]

What does the cheating have to do with staying in the house?

[Anonymous]

Yes because I figured out what I wanted from that point on by myself before I confronted him. I realized I would never, ever get emotional connection ever get again and wouldn't count on it. I couldn't get divorced and committed to making the marriage work in one way or another. So the confrontation was calm, rational and straightforward. There's no use getting emotional, angry and upset. What's done is done and you need to deal with your emotions on your own. You will also have serious leverage going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Yes because I figured out what I wanted from that point on by myself before I confronted him. I realized I would never, ever get emotional connection ever get again and wouldn't count on it. I couldn't get divorced and committed to making the marriage work in one way or another. So the confrontation was calm, rational and straightforward. There's no use getting emotional, angry and upset. What's done is done and you need to deal with your emotions on your own. You will also have serious leverage going forward.

Did you file for divorce? Did you end up staying at the house or did he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Yes because I figured out what I wanted from that point on by myself before I confronted him. I realized I would never, ever get emotional connection ever get again and wouldn't count on it. I couldn't get divorced and committed to making the marriage work in one way or another. So the confrontation was calm, rational and straightforward. There's no use getting emotional, angry and upset. What's done is done and you need to deal with your emotions on your own. You will also have serious leverage going forward.

OP here: did the marriage end up working? What did you say? How long was the cheating going on for?

[Anonymous]

I gave him 30 days to move out and didn’t talk to him at all during that time. I did bring another man by to help me move furniture around during that time.

He denied it, I showed him proof, he said nothing. PP is correct, you really need to have zero emotions. When you’re upset, they know they can manipulate you.

[Anonymous]

You need to play the long game. Get evidence nailed down, then interview lawyers, THEN decide what to disclose based on your lawyers advice. Don’t do anything rash or driven by emotion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Yes because I figured out what I wanted from that point on by myself before I confronted him. I realized I would never, ever get emotional connection ever get again and wouldn't count on it. I couldn't get divorced and committed to making the marriage work in one way or another. So the confrontation was calm, rational and straightforward. There's no use getting emotional, angry and upset. What's done is done and you need to deal with your emotions on your own. You will also have serious leverage going forward.

OP here: did the marriage end up working? What did you say? How long was the cheating going on for?

Well it was 2 years ago and it's still a work in progress but it's not the same and it never will be. The cheating was going on for several months with someone he knew from his past. The cheating combined with some emotional abuse he put me through in the early years of our marriage has made me just over it. So I approached the topic with a tired, "not that I expect much of you" matter of fact demeanor and layed it out. He didn't deny it and felt badly but what else is new. We do have a civil marriage but pretty much lead separate lives. I've gotten closer with my friends, pursue my own interests and bond with my son as much as I can. I don't want divorce because it would be extremely difficult financially and since I have newfound "freedom" I'm not necessarily craving that either. Maybe we will change it in our later years but right now it's fine.

[Anonymous]

If he cheated and/or wants divorce, he moves out of house. I put his stuff on the driveway and told him to come and get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he cheated and/or wants divorce, he moves out of house. I put his stuff on the driveway and told him to come and get it.

Good way for you to get arrested. You can't evict someone that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Yes because I figured out what I wanted from that point on by myself before I confronted him. I realized I would never, ever get emotional connection ever get again and wouldn't count on it. I couldn't get divorced and committed to making the marriage work in one way or another. So the confrontation was calm, rational and straightforward. There's no use getting emotional, angry and upset. What's done is done and you need to deal with your emotions on your own. You will also have serious leverage going forward.

OP here: did the marriage end up working? What did you say? How long was the cheating going on for?

Well it was 2 years ago and it's still a work in progress but it's not the same and it never will be. The cheating was going on for several months with someone he knew from his past. The cheating combined with some emotional abuse he put me through in the early years of our marriage has made me just over it. So I approached the topic with a tired, "not that I expect much of you" matter of fact demeanor and layed it out. He didn't deny it and felt badly but what else is new. We do have a civil marriage but pretty much lead separate lives. I've gotten closer with my friends, pursue my own interests and bond with my son as much as I can. I don't want divorce because it would be extremely difficult financially and since I have newfound "freedom" I'm not necessarily craving that either. Maybe we will change it in our later years but right now it's fine.

OP: sorry to hear that. This is the state of my marriage except that I haven’t confronted him yet-i get to spend all the time I want with my son without worrying about shared custody and other financial issues while living my own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Yes because I figured out what I wanted from that point on by myself before I confronted him. I realized I would never, ever get emotional connection ever get again and wouldn't count on it. I couldn't get divorced and committed to making the marriage work in one way or another. So the confrontation was calm, rational and straightforward. There's no use getting emotional, angry and upset. What's done is done and you need to deal with your emotions on your own. You will also have serious leverage going forward.

OP here: did the marriage end up working? What did you say? How long was the cheating going on for?

Well it was 2 years ago and it's still a work in progress but it's not the same and it never will be. The cheating was going on for several months with someone he knew from his past. The cheating combined with some emotional abuse he put me through in the early years of our marriage has made me just over it. So I approached the topic with a tired, "not that I expect much of you" matter of fact demeanor and layed it out. He didn't deny it and felt badly but what else is new. We do have a civil marriage but pretty much lead separate lives. I've gotten closer with my friends, pursue my own interests and bond with my son as much as I can. I don't want divorce because it would be extremely difficult financially and since I have newfound "freedom" I'm not necessarily craving that either. Maybe we will change it in our later years but right now it's fine.

So you're ok with him being with other women while you stay married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Yes because I figured out what I wanted from that point on by myself before I confronted him. I realized I would never, ever get emotional connection ever get again and wouldn't count on it. I couldn't get divorced and committed to making the marriage work in one way or another. So the confrontation was calm, rational and straightforward. There's no use getting emotional, angry and upset. What's done is done and you need to deal with your emotions on your own. You will also have serious leverage going forward.

OP here: did the marriage end up working? What did you say? How long was the cheating going on for?

Well it was 2 years ago and it's still a work in progress but it's not the same and it never will be. The cheating was going on for several months with someone he knew from his past. The cheating combined with some emotional abuse he put me through in the early years of our marriage has made me just over it. So I approached the topic with a tired, "not that I expect much of you" matter of fact demeanor and layed it out. He didn't deny it and felt badly but what else is new. We do have a civil marriage but pretty much lead separate lives. I've gotten closer with my friends, pursue my own interests and bond with my son as much as I can. I don't want divorce because it would be extremely difficult financially and since I have newfound "freedom" I'm not necessarily craving that either. Maybe we will change it in our later years but right now it's fine.

So you're ok with him being with other women while you stay married?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does the cheating have to do with staying in the house?

How do you know if he is continuing the cheating and living with the same person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave him 30 days to move out and didn’t talk to him at all during that time. I did bring another man by to help me move furniture around during that time.

He denied it, I showed him proof, he said nothing. PP is correct, you really need to have zero emotions. When you’re upset, they know they can manipulate you.

Do you own the house by yourself? I'm confused why does he have to move out of a house you guys both own.