Household Rules when Family Visits

[Anonymous]

When family visits your home, which household rules do you think are appropriate to ask guests (including relatives) to follow? How do you handle it when your family’s parenting style or values differ?

Minor things, like asking guests to take off their shoes, feel easy to enforce. The same goes for big, clear boundaries, such as not bringing a gun into the house. But what about the gray areas?

For example, my husband and I don’t allow spanking, but my brother spanked his child during a recent visit, which really upset our kids. Would you say something in the moment, ask that discipline be handled privately, or insist that your house rules apply to everyone while they’re in your home? Or take another approach entirely? My husband leans toward talking to my brother before the next visit, while I tend to avoid confrontation...so I’m curious how others handle situations like this.

[Anonymous]

My house, my rules. I don't want anyone spanking or smoking, if they don't like it, hotels are always available. Basic etiquette requires that one remains a guest in another's house, which means you don't get all comfortable and start yelling at your wife and kids. You should talk to your brother yourself, you're an adult. If you don't, he'll never respect any of your "house rules". He obviously knows you're a pushover and does whatever he wants.

[Anonymous]

You sound too controlling to have guests, pay for their hotel room.

[Anonymous]

It depends how long your list of rules are.

[Anonymous]

I would not be spending very much time with my brother who thinks hitting a child is ok.

[Anonymous]

On spanking talk in advance explain it upsets your kid do your discipline in private.

[Anonymous]

I hate staying at other peoples houses. Always prefer hotels.

[Anonymous]

i thought this was gonna be q’s about screentime or bedtime.

No one would be welcome in my house that thought it was appropriate to hit (or threaten to hit) anyone else. that’s not a grey area to me. I wouldn’t allow my children around people who think that hitting is appropriate.

I’d like outlaw yelling, but husband and I come from loud families and that seemed to be something not worth fighting about.

[Anonymous]

It would never occur to me that a guest would spank.

Shoes off is a rule we have for immediate family and children but don't hold adult guests to, especially elderly ones.

One controversial rule I do uphold is no cellphones at the dining table or during meals, except if someone needs to keep it in their pocket to be able to answer a call like an on-call doctor or someone waiting for communication from a babysitter. I sometimes let people know as we are sitting down, but thankfully only need to enforce it with my adult siblings who are phone addicted.

[Anonymous]

OP MYOB.
Your husband should talk to his brother.

Anyways, No pets are allowed in our home or overnight guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate staying at other peoples houses. Always prefer hotels.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP MYOB.
Your husband should talk to his brother.

Anyways, No pets are allowed in our home or overnight guests.

Correction - you talk to your own brother on that.
Don’t dump that on your husband

[Anonymous]

This is your brother, not a guest. He parents his way, you parent yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate staying at other peoples houses. Always prefer hotels.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

It's done out of your house. He certainly could have done it outside, and your kids not witness it. But then again, they are going to learn that parents parent differently.