If you made new close friends after age 45

[Anonymous]

If you made new close friends after age 45, how did you meet them?

I have tried everything over the past five years: meetup groups, book club, boutique exercise studio, religious congregation, inviting moms from school out to do things, taking hobby/interest classes and nothing works. I've made a few acquaintances but no friends. And these friendships are always one-sided, with me doing all the inviting and no reciprocation/them not having an interest in keeping in touch. I can't remember the last time someone invited me to do something or texted me to see how my week was going.

Where can a 45 year old married mom make new friends? Ideally they would be in a similar life stage/similar kid ages, but I'm open to single/non-parent friends as well.

I thought meetup groups would be the answer, but that hasn't worked out for me (and I'm in several groups). Moms from school have no interest in being friends with me.

I'm going to look into a weekly knitting circle, but the one I tried a few months ago was only women 70 and older.

Would love to hear thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Through kids' sports.
Sorry, that's all I've got!

[Anonymous]

Instead of looking for new venues to make friends, you need to examine why you can’t make friends with the resources you have.

What exactly do you mean by friend? Do you mean a BFF who you text every day and hang out with every other day? Most people don’t have time for that.

Are you approaching only people that have been in the community their whole lives and have a built-in instead of friends and a lot of close family nearby? Or the one that just had the new baby and has three kids under five? Could it be that maybe you are just in a community that does not match your vibe or personality type?

You may need to adjust your expectations. Define exactly what you are looking for in a “friend,” and also what your own personality is like, and maybe we can help you.

[Anonymous]

I walk with people. Do you do drop off or pick up with your kids from school? Find a mom that does it at the same time and see if they want to do a walk after drop off or before pick up maybe once every week or two. Or during your lunch break, or during your kids' sports practice. People usually say yes to a walk. It's low commitment, exercise, and everyone feels good after. Aside from that, I feel like all of my other social groups are heavily organized by me... I feel your pain.

[Anonymous]

I’m around that age and have made new friends at work recently. I have struck out everywhere else - meetups, kids sports, community service orgs.

[Anonymous]

A couple of them are moms of my kids friends.
One used to be a coworker

[Anonymous]

I think a more relevant metric than your age is the age of your kids. I think that's a bigger driver in determining friendships. I am mid-40s with elementary school aged kids. The majority of my friends in my daily life are about 5-10 years younger than me (parents of kids friends) or 10 years older (friends who never had kids). I also approach it like dating if I think I might like someone I will give my number/ask for theirs then start randomly sharing silly things. I also probably throw out 5-6 invitations to do things for every 1 invite that gets a yes (and half the time that gets rescheduled). I really try to pick on vibes of whether the person is not interested in friendship/not a good match or if they are genuinely busy and if the latter I keep asking. I just happen to be more organized and driven and people really appreciate it and I've helped some groups of friends gel this way. But it is work!!!

[Anonymous]

At 45 we moved so I was starting from scratch but I’m very outgoing. We had a bunch of neighbors of a similar age with kids the same age as ours and that helped. I then got involved with our kids schools, sports etc. I also got involved with the town government and a local non profit. Within a year I knew a ton of people many of whom became good friends and still are many years later. I took on meeting people as a mission as I was new to the community. You really have to work hard at it.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried volunteer-based socializing vs just social groups? I feel like it's easier to create connections to people when you are volunteering for a cause whether it be PTA, your local civic association, etc. And if you take on a leadership role in those organizations, even more so.

[Anonymous]

I made a new friend online through genealogy. She's probably around 80.

Don't rule out the knitting circle ladies.

[Anonymous]

Pickleball

[Anonymous]

I think I have made about 6 new good friends since 45.
3 from grad school - shared interests and activities and a lot of time together
1 is an ex work colleague - we kept in touch after I left the job and ended up vacationing together and are now good friends.
1 friend of a friend - I went to a dinner at a friend's place and met another woman there - she and I chatted awhile, had a couple things in common, met up on our own to do a shared activity (mountain biking) and have been friends since.
1 friend of a friend who moved to my area - another friend messaged me and put me in contact with a friend of hers who was moving to my area. I reached out to see how I could help, we met up for coffee - she didn't really know anyone else in the area so I included her in some of our activities and over time they became good friends.

[Anonymous]

We are in the process of making friends w/ the parents of our daughter's new best friend. They are lovely people and we all just liked each other immediately. And both couples are clearly interested in making friends - which helps tremendously.

Other than that I make new friends through the singing groups I'm in. Tons of my friendships (old and new) came to me that way.

[Anonymous]

I'm 46 and have made four new friends lately. Two of them I would say are on the track to being close friends eventually.

I met one because a co-worker's sister happened to move a few blocks from me so I hung out with him when he was here visiting her and I have invited her to join our social group.

I met one because they are dating a friend of mine and I imagine they will get married (second marriage).

I met one because my friends met him and now he's part of our social group.

I met one playing pickleball in our neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in the process of making friends w/ the parents of our daughter's new best friend. They are lovely people and we all just liked each other immediately. And both couples are clearly interested in making friends - which helps tremendously.

Other than that I make new friends through the singing groups I'm in. Tons of my friendships (old and new) came to me that way.

If half the couple is uninterested in making friends do you write off the other friendly half? Because that keeps happening to me. I meet a woman and she wants to double date with our husbands right away.