Dating must-haves, wish lists and dealbreakers

[Anonymous]

Some of these posts about relationship incompatibilities like the one on early birds and night owls and vegetarians/vegans and meat eaters are really eye-opening. People want to find someone they are attracted to, similar values, available, feel the same about kids or not kids, and more but then there are these more lifestyle issues like sleep schedules, approach to food, approach to fitness.

I feel like the list of what many people will not compromise for is really long. How many people who meet your criteria are you actually meeting? I just can't believe there are that many people that would generate that spark who also happen to be compatible in all these other ways. Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

6-6-6-6.

[Anonymous]

When I got married
Same religion
No adoption if we could not have kids
I was never going to be a stay at home mother if we did.
Not tit for tat if we had kids.
Must have same political beliefs ie pro choice & liberal.
Must be educated with a graduate degree.
Must be a hard worker.
Must love reading.
Must be fiscally responsible.

I am very lucky I found all of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these posts about relationship incompatibilities like the one on early birds and night owls and vegetarians/vegans and meat eaters are really eye-opening. People want to find someone they are attracted to, similar values, available, feel the same about kids or not kids, and more but then there are these more lifestyle issues like sleep schedules, approach to food, approach to fitness.

I feel like the list of what many people will not compromise for is really long. How many people who meet your criteria are you actually meeting? I just can't believe there are that many people that would generate that spark who also happen to be compatible in all these other ways. Am I wrong?

And people wonder why so many women are single and why men have dropped out of the dating world entirely because of how women have become.

[Anonymous]

I think people are not expecting to get everything on their list at the same time, and will compromise as needed for someone they really like and feel a spark with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are not expecting to get everything on their list at the same time, and will compromise as needed for someone they really like and feel a spark with.

People who rely on feels like that are the ones to avoid. They will cheat and not remain committed in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these posts about relationship incompatibilities like the one on early birds and night owls and vegetarians/vegans and meat eaters are really eye-opening. People want to find someone they are attracted to, similar values, available, feel the same about kids or not kids, and more but then there are these more lifestyle issues like sleep schedules, approach to food, approach to fitness.

I feel like the list of what many people will not compromise for is really long. How many people who meet your criteria are you actually meeting? I just can't believe there are that many people that would generate that spark who also happen to be compatible in all these other ways. Am I wrong?

Imo look for decent character, even temper, ability to humor life, healthy ambition and good financial sense. No alcohol, drugs, violence, legal issues, broken relationships, credit debt etc. More points if decent enough family with no legal, financial, substance abuse or serious mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

*things like looks, money, dressing etc should be at the bottom of the list after initial criteria is met.

[Anonymous]

I think I’m pretty easy overall. Perhaps that why I’m married. But if Inwere to enter the dating market today I’d be looking for someone who was the following (in no certain order):

-Fit
-Fun
-Kind to others
-Enjoys sex

That’s mostly it.

As far as deal breakers go - people who are at the extremes politically. I want to date a gravy seal militia member or a blue-haired screamer.

Also, I wouldn’t date anyone who was unkind to others - even if they were a gravy seal or blue-haired screamer.

[Anonymous]

*and education. You don't want to gamble on someone who didn't have the grit to finish a basic undergrad degree.

[Anonymous]

*mutual physical and emotional chemistry is probably number one check point BUT not the only checkpoint on its own.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter if you two share same eace, religion, culture, politics or hobbies, as long as neither person hangs at extreme fringes. In that case even if everything is same but you aren't as extreme, avoid them.

[Anonymous]

I’m 40F, divorced, 2 kids. I’ve found the older I get, the longer my list of requirements gets.

At this point in my life I basically expect princess treatment:

- He must plan and pay for dates
- He must make my life easier. For example, if I’m having a rough day with the kids, he should DoorDash us food.
- Must be a gentleman: open doors for me, pick me up, look nice for me.
- Salary is less important since I’m not looking to get married anytime soon, and won’t have anymore kids, but I expect him to make enough to pay for dates and trips.
- Must be attractive.
- Must be interesting. I’m not going to have anything in common with a middle manager who plays video games in his spare time.
- Absolutely no socially awkward men. I need someone I can bring around friends and to work functions.

Basically, a man must make my life significantly better and easier.

Marriage is a whole other thing, but he would have to be extremely rich and no kids. The only real benefit of marriage for me at this point is if it leads to large amounts of wealth for myself and my kids.

[Anonymous]

Most people are delusional with over inflated sense of self worth and value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 40F, divorced, 2 kids. I’ve found the older I get, the longer my list of requirements gets.

At this point in my life I basically expect princess treatment:

- He must plan and pay for dates
- He must make my life easier. For example, if I’m having a rough day with the kids, he should DoorDash us food.
- Must be a gentleman: open doors for me, pick me up, look nice for me.
- Salary is less important since I’m not looking to get married anytime soon, and won’t have anymore kids, but I expect him to make enough to pay for dates and trips.
- Must be attractive.
- Must be interesting. I’m not going to have anything in common with a middle manager who plays video games in his spare time.
- Absolutely no socially awkward men. I need someone I can bring around friends and to work functions.

Basically, a man must make my life significantly better and easier.

Marriage is a whole other thing, but he would have to be extremely rich and no kids. The only real benefit of marriage for me at this point is if it leads to large amounts of wealth for myself and my kids.

I'm not trying to be unkind but what are you offering other than aging body, someone else's kids, hunger for wealth, attitude and expectations?