Tell me about dating/being married to an engineer

[Anonymous]

I'm seeing one right now and it's getting more serious, but at heart I'm a creative. Can this work? Curious what you like about your engineer partner, what drives you crazy, and what is just simply different.

[Anonymous]

I’m not married to one (my dad was one though).
If you’re a creative you probably need one. He probably needs a creative too. It’ll work if you both want it to.

[Anonymous]

I am an aeronautical engineer. We are not different from others. But I'll say we are less narcissistic than lawyers. If you want a glamorous life with the possibility of living in a huge house find a lawyer. But I don't know those guys are like walking red flags.

[Anonymous]

Not that different maybe more liking organization and systematic solutions than gut feeling.
But engineers are very often neurotypical, if the person seems unusual maybe the are neurodivergent and that's a different question.

[Anonymous]

I’m a creative type with ADHD married to an anxious engineer. When things are going well, it’s a case of yin and yang. We’ve been married over 20 years. Just be aware that engineers can be very rigid, assuming that there is one right way to do everything. (I also attended university with a huge engineering department and roomed with female engineers). I’d say you need to learn to speak up for yourself early and often and not allow yourself to be bulldozed into always doing things the way he prefers. Usually I am happy to have some help with planning and organization, but it can be overwhelming and oppressive if I remain quiet too long. That is easy to happen because we agree on most things - met at church, same socio-economic and educational background. Best wishes!

[Anonymous]

I worked in a civil and structural engineering firm but I am not an engineer. The engineer will have stable, reliable employment.

I liked hanging out with our engineers.

Go for it.

[Anonymous]

I work with lots of engineers and have engineer friends.

They aren't very different from my other educated friends.

Wherever you get really bright people/high stats test takers, you will find neurodivergence.

There will be a focus on "finding solutions". If you relate to those articles that say "women just want to talk about their problems and be heard, and men want to solve them", there will be some of that in your life. That's a professional training influenced mindset.

[Anonymous]

They’re just regular people. What are you expecting, OP? A green-eyed goblin?

[Anonymous]

I’m the child of an engineer and married the child of an engineer, and work with a ton of engineers. I can’t provide perspective on a relationship with one but can share my experience of being in families with them:

My late dad: very hands-on engineering discipline. He excelled at working out practical problems around the house and doing repairs and improvements. Very tidy about his work, kept his tools and supplies organized but not in an uptight way, and could make or fix anything. Our go-to person for anything from school projects to Halloween costumes. He actually hemmed all of my dress clothes for work until he died when I was in my early 40s.

My FIL: engineering discipline that was much more about planning and then visiting the site. Definitely neurodiverse. Completely absent at home but bossy and stubborn when he did decide to participate. When my DH was growing up, FIL deliberately stayed at the office until bedtime. When he retired, FIL disappeared into a corner with an iPad. Anything that wasn’t his job was not something he could put energy into, particularly children and feelings. He moves houses when things start to fall into disrepair and it isn’t unusual to see “repairs” make of things like a piece of junk mail cardstock and masking tape. I think his brain can really just handle the parts of engineering that happened on a screen or on paper and literally no other aspects of life. It had a big and negative impact on my DH and his siblings. DH is neurodivergent but it too me ages to figure that out, and that is a challenge.

TLDR: all engineers are different, beware of neurodivergence and hyper focus.

[Anonymous]

Engineers can be creative. Just in a technical way. Technical solutions applied creatively.

WTF. The person who wrote "all engineers are different, beware of neurodivergence and hyperfocus" really had it right - that applies to ALL people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the child of an engineer and married the child of an engineer, and work with a ton of engineers. I can’t provide perspective on a relationship with one but can share my experience of being in families with them:

My late dad: very hands-on engineering discipline. He excelled at working out practical problems around the house and doing repairs and improvements. Very tidy about his work, kept his tools and supplies organized but not in an uptight way, and could make or fix anything. Our go-to person for anything from school projects to Halloween costumes. He actually hemmed all of my dress clothes for work until he died when I was in my early 40s.

My FIL: engineering discipline that was much more about planning and then visiting the site. Definitely neurodiverse. Completely absent at home but bossy and stubborn when he did decide to participate. When my DH was growing up, FIL deliberately stayed at the office until bedtime. When he retired, FIL disappeared into a corner with an iPad. Anything that wasn’t his job was not something he could put energy into, particularly children and feelings. He moves houses when things start to fall into disrepair and it isn’t unusual to see “repairs” make of things like a piece of junk mail cardstock and masking tape. I think his brain can really just handle the parts of engineering that happened on a screen or on paper and literally no other aspects of life. It had a big and negative impact on my DH and his siblings. DH is neurodivergent but it too me ages to figure that out, and that is a challenge.

TLDR: all engineers are different, beware of neurodivergence and hyper focus.

Your FIL is not an engineer and probably just liked telling other people what to do. He also sounds like an a-hole if that's the outcome of being 'neurodiverse'.

[Anonymous]

It’s amazing. He can fix anything and can tell me how things work. Very smart.

[Anonymous]

I'm an attorney married to an engineer. Before my husband, I dated law students/lawyers and am so grateful I didn't marry someone who is also in the legal field.

My engineer husband can fix anything, has a very stable, even-keeled personality, and is methodical about household chores and parenting tasks. He can be rigid and solutions-focused as a PP mentioned. When I want to vent about something instead of getting into problem solving mode, I need to tell him that.

[Anonymous]

My dad is an electrical engineer. I think he is on the lower end of the autistic spectrum (he agreed when I floated the idea past him). He is actually a very creative problem solver. He did/does however always think there's a specific way to do things. When he was younger if you did them differently it wasn't different but wrong. Now he's mellowed out in old age.

I'm the daughter, not the wife, but super creative and he could appreciate my dance choreography and give feedback, and I recall him doing art projects with me like stained glass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm seeing one right now and it's getting more serious, but at heart I'm a creative. Can this work? Curious what you like about your engineer partner, what drives you crazy, and what is just simply different.

it's very