If you were married 20 years or more how long did it take you to get over your divorce?

[Anonymous]

Do you ever get over it even if you wanted it?

[Anonymous]

Divorce, divorce, divorce. It’s all you people think about. What did you get married for?

[Anonymous]

Well our divorce is not usual.

He and I get along very well. He was a bad husband and I asked for a divorce. He tried to save it for years going to intense therapy. He really did try but after about 3 years I said it was still going to end in divorce but due to 3 years of therapy he wasn't a jerk about it.

I'd say if you do the work with a therapist, you can get over it in a few years. Really, really over it, like not care one bit.

I'd give yourself a year to mourn the death of your marriage. A year to rebuild your life but after that it's just self pity.

[Anonymous]

If he was a bad husband, he would have been a bad boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

It usually takes at least 50% of the time you were in the relationship.
10 year relationship = 5 years to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well our divorce is not usual.

He and I get along very well. He was a bad husband and I asked for a divorce. He tried to save it for years going to intense therapy. He really did try but after about 3 years I said it was still going to end in divorce but due to 3 years of therapy he wasn't a jerk about it.

I'd say if you do the work with a therapist, you can get over it in a few years. Really, really over it, like not care one bit.

I'd give yourself a year to mourn the death of your marriage. A year to rebuild your life but after that it's just self pity.

You sound selfish and cruel. Poor guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce, divorce, divorce. It’s all you people think about. What did you get married for?

The divorce rate is 40-something percent of all first marriages...so probably the same reason all those other millions of people got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce, divorce, divorce. It’s all you people think about. What did you get married for?

The divorce rate is 40-something percent of all first marriages...so probably the same reason all those other millions of people got married.

If your intention was to give a good reason, you failed remarkably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well our divorce is not usual.

He and I get along very well. He was a bad husband and I asked for a divorce. He tried to save it for years going to intense therapy. He really did try but after about 3 years I said it was still going to end in divorce but due to 3 years of therapy he wasn't a jerk about it.

I'd say if you do the work with a therapist, you can get over it in a few years. Really, really over it, like not care one bit.

I'd give yourself a year to mourn the death of your marriage. A year to rebuild your life but after that it's just self pity.

You sound selfish and cruel. Poor guy.

I was thinking the same except he no longer has to deal with her, so I guess it wasn't total loss for him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce, divorce, divorce. It’s all you people think about. What did you get married for?

The divorce rate is 40-something percent of all first marriages...so probably the same reason all those other millions of people got married.

60%+ divorce rate
40% is the non-divorced rate at best.

[Anonymous]

It's been 13 months since he blindsided me and I feel 90% over it.

He had an affair ten years ago and just kind of moped around about how it meant that he could only go out 90% of the time instead of 100% of the time. I am a SAHM with a chronic illness and I tried really hard to forgive, but you need the wound to be closed first for that to happen.

So I think I was just ready to be free of all of that stress and heartache. I could never feel safe. He's financially irresponsible, emotionally immature, and self-absorbed. I wish it had occurred to me to leave, but it seemed OK . . . we never fought, he gave me anything I asked for, we had an OK sex life. He makes a lot of money, so maybe that was a factor, I don't know. But it also means we can divorce and both be OK.

Anyway, a year ago I was a weeping mess, but i have been doing the work to grieve and find myself and practice gratitude.

Today my co-chump (the now ex-husband of the woman my stbx left me for) talked about what he does on his "lonely" weekends without his kids. I said, what if you called them your restorative weekends? So much comes down to our mindset. Same facts, different way of looking at it.

My marriage is over. I didn't want this for my kids or myself, but I'm going to make it the best life I can, just like if I were paralyzed or widowed or whatever else could happen to me. I have so much to be grateful for.

And I've worked really hard to detach from my ex and reach indifference. He can never make up for his failures, but that's OK, I'm OK. I'm not worried about forgiveness right now. I'm just living in gratitude. I'm grateful for our kids. I'm grateful for the good times. I'm grateful it's over. I'm grateful I get to steer my own course now.

[Anonymous]

I did not want the divorce. I hope to get over it eventually. It just takes time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce, divorce, divorce. It’s all you people think about. What did you get married for?

Ha! I did a lot of sh*t in my 20’s I would never do again. Marriage is but one.

[Anonymous]

Not long at all. I initiated it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been 13 months since he blindsided me and I feel 90% over it.

He had an affair ten years ago and just kind of moped around about how it meant that he could only go out 90% of the time instead of 100% of the time. I am a SAHM with a chronic illness and I tried really hard to forgive, but you need the wound to be closed first for that to happen.

So I think I was just ready to be free of all of that stress and heartache. I could never feel safe. He's financially irresponsible, emotionally immature, and self-absorbed. I wish it had occurred to me to leave, but it seemed OK . . . we never fought, he gave me anything I asked for, we had an OK sex life. He makes a lot of money, so maybe that was a factor, I don't know. But it also means we can divorce and both be OK.

Anyway, a year ago I was a weeping mess, but i have been doing the work to grieve and find myself and practice gratitude.

Today my co-chump (the now ex-husband of the woman my stbx left me for) talked about what he does on his "lonely" weekends without his kids. I said, what if you called them your restorative weekends? So much comes down to our mindset. Same facts, different way of looking at it.

My marriage is over. I didn't want this for my kids or myself, but I'm going to make it the best life I can, just like if I were paralyzed or widowed or whatever else could happen to me. I have so much to be grateful for.

And I've worked really hard to detach from my ex and reach indifference. He can never make up for his failures, but that's OK, I'm OK. I'm not worried about forgiveness right now. I'm just living in gratitude. I'm grateful for our kids. I'm grateful for the good times. I'm grateful it's over. I'm grateful I get to steer my own course now.

A very.wise and mature response. I hope you.continue to find hapiness.