Sports carpools: What are some best practices for kid/teen behavior while a passenger in a car driving to practice?

[Anonymous]

I am a mom who is happy to drive a sports carpool to and from practice a few hours a week. The 4 teens in our carpool are typically very well-behaved. However, the vibe can get negative. I’m hoping to create a more pleasant experience for the 2-3 hours that we’re together each week.

Here are some ideas for making a sports carpool more pleasant for all:

1. Please do not tease each other too much, or criticize each other too much. Friendly banter is OK, but please do not go beyond that.
2. Please do not criticize the coaches during the carpool ride. It leads to an unpleasant carpool experience.
3. Please do not put down your own team, or talk extensively about how the team will not be good this year. This is demoralizing to the other athletes in the car.
4. Please ask before you eat messy food in the car. And if the driver is OK with food in the car, please take your food wrappers and Starbucks cups with you to put in the trash.

Thanks and I welcome any other ideas for “best practices” for a sports carpool. (Granted, my daughter would object to me presenting a list of "best practices" during our carpool, but I am hoping I can persuade her that at least #1-3 are kind of just common-sense.)

[Anonymous]

Don’t get in my car with your AirPods in and ignore me and my kid. It’s rude.

[Anonymous]

Uhh, these are teens. Stay out of 1-3. I am sorry to hear 4 is an issue for you at all. I'd be horrified if that were my teen, but I think you can speak up about not leaving trash and with messier food, Id' probably say, "hey, it is fine for this time, but in the future, can you not eat xyz in my car? It tends to make a mess."

[Anonymous]

What if you agree on fun ways to spend the carpool time - like cool podcasts over the stereo? Or on silent decompress from school time?

[Anonymous]

I'd say stick to #4. No messy eating because then I'd have to ban all eating. And absolutely they should clean up after themselves! Take all trash with you.

I'd be more wary of trying to control what they talk about. One way around this would be to offer to put on music or let the kids rotate who chooses it each ride or something like that (you should take a turn and lecture them about how good 90s music is/was).

[Anonymous]

I only have one. Please don't be too talkative or loud. I need quiet time and so does my kid. If you want to ignore us and listen to your music, GREAT.

[Anonymous]

Your proposed best practices while obviously good things to do, if shared with the kids as rules would be very strange.

Instead when you hear them getting negative pop in with a pithy response. My son uses “we don’t hate, we elevate” and change the topic to something more positive.

[Anonymous]

I think it's ok to once and while chime in and say something like "woah things have gotten negative," or "can we change the subject?" But rules seem overbearing, and not super effective.

Except about food- that's totally your call. Just let them know next time they're in the car. "Please don't make a mess and take your trash when you leave" Or have a no food rule.

[Anonymous]

#4 is a given and easily enforceable. While #1-3 are good for smaller kids, I think if they were presented to teens would essentially make for an awkward car ride in which no one says anything, and they all end up with airpods in listening to their own music. Kids need to be able to blow off steam. Agree that if it gets too heated, you can step in and ask them to tone it down.

[Anonymous]

We also had a carpool with four girls and I’m glad it’s over. Two of the girls would sometimes text each other and laugh, leaving the other two out. And while my DD liked the team and coach, the others didn’t and would spend much of the ride making rude comments. I would sometimes try to change the subject but my kid said in the other parents cars it was the subject of the entire ride. Made me so glad when they all joined different teams. Teen girls can be annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get in my car with your AirPods in and ignore me and my kid. It’s rude.

this is what they all do. what do you want them to do, sing songs together on the way to and from practice?

as long as they say "hi" and "than you" when they leave, whats the big deal?

[Anonymous]

1-3 is micro-managing.

I would say:
1. everyone must wear seatbelts
2. No food, no open drinks
3. No curse words
4. No yelling (distracts the driver)

[Anonymous]

#4 is the only one I would say to them. Don’t bring up 1-3. They are teens.

In addition, I have the following in general.

No loud sudden shrieks or screams. No flashes with photos in the dark. Both can startle me and cause an accident. I only calmly bring these up if they happen and they have happened more than once.

[Anonymous]

If you're really worried about the food, have your kid deal with it. My DD fixed a big carpool issue for me last year. We had a set of twins who would get into my car and slam doors on each other, take the seats closest to the doors when we had more kids to pick up, and generally make things take a long time.

She talked to them offline and fixed it. They would get in, ask who else was coming that day, and basically sit in the last row of the minivan with their equipment.

[Anonymous]

For teens, I think it’s crazy to have ground rules like this. This isn’t Kindergarten.
Agree with others that the only one I’d raise is #4.
I also hate anyone else playing music or videos from their phone- it’s distracting. Use headphones.