What do the teenage years look like for a DD with ADHD?

[Anonymous]

What does it look like? Especially for a DD who was flagged for inattentive ADHD by her teacher at age 5?

[Anonymous]

I would lower your expectations now as to their driving ability.

[Anonymous]

Difficulty with having friends due to social skills and maturity gap. May mature slower (not that that's a bad thing) and gravitate to younger kids.

Executive functioning will be a challenge as academics increase and logistical complexity increases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would lower your expectations now as to their driving ability.

This is the one thing I'm most anxious about. Mine is almost 12; combined type.

[Anonymous]

It depends how bad it is, OP.

My ADHD/ASD/low processing speed son, now in college, had a very hard time in high school, due to increased academic demands and his inability to work at a reasonable speed. But he never had any emotional outbursts or behavioral problems at school. No friends at all, of course, due to his asocial autism. He took Adderall during middle and high school, and we paid for lots of tutoring. He got his license at 17, but did not drive by himself until he was 20.

My daughter has a high IQ, rapid processing speed and some ADHD. She has a best friend and a circle of friendly acquaintances. When she doesn't get an A, it's because of inattentive mistakes due to her ADHD. She can get emotional and she has anxiety, but it's within the range of normal and so far we've handled it without any drugs or therapy.

You'll have to be vigilant, and be ready to
tweak med dosage, med type, mess around with tutors, put out emotional fires, be a therapist to your child, or get a therapist, etc... You'll need to follow her lead.

[Anonymous]

Mine had huge problem with sleeping, often walking in the bedroom at 1 or 2 am. The pediatrician recommend some over the counter medicine. But it is limited helpful.

My DD suddenly lost the ability to be “organized”. No one can bear that room: everything is on the floor, books under the piles of clothes…. After countless fights, our doctor officially said it is a typical symptom for ADHD.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is 5, I would just say not to worry about it yet. It's a long time between 5 and high school and a lot of things can change.

My DS (so different, I know) was diagnosed in 2nd grade and we spent a lot of time worrying about the future --- but it really makes sense to just keep your eye on the present and the goals - to be academically, socially and emotionally ok.

My DS had a lot of rough years - 9th was the absolute worse - bad behavior and a bad group of friends, etc etc. but therapy, change of meds, helped a lot (and for him, covid helped a lot get him out of the bad situation).

He does actually drive and he drives pretty well but he did have one accident that was his fault.

He is in college now and while he doesn't have a super hard major, he is doing well and has friends and is mostly organized.

If I could give myself advice for when he was first diagnosed, I would stay calm and expect things to change, be willing to get new providers or try new meds or whatever and involve him in his treatment plan as early as possible so they can learn for themselves what works and doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Difficulty with having friends due to social skills and maturity gap. May mature slower (not that that's a bad thing) and gravitate to younger kids.

Executive functioning will be a challenge as academics increase and logistical complexity increases.

Agree with all the above.

(Signed, Mom with DD teen with adhd).

[Anonymous]

If she doesn’t have a therapist, I would start with one as soon as you can. Better it already be established when things get rough.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She is 6 currently. She refuses to follow basic instructions like us telling her to brush her teeth, get dressed, and eat the breakfast we prepared, unless every step of the process is micromanaged. As in, the second you turn around, she stops getting dressed and does something else. I'm wondering how much longer she needs this level of micromanaging. Trying to get her to do something basic often turns into a huge argument.

[Anonymous]

OP all kids grow and learn, but for the level of micromanagement and friction you're describing, I wouldn't expect this to resolve on its own with time.

I'm assuming you haven't done much ADHD research or parent training if you're using words like "refuses," "micromanaging," and "turns into a huge argument". I would start with Russell Barkley, Dan Shapiro's Parent Child Journey, and Ross Greene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is 6 currently. She refuses to follow basic instructions like us telling her to brush her teeth, get dressed, and eat the breakfast we prepared, unless every step of the process is micromanaged. As in, the second you turn around, she stops getting dressed and does something else. I'm wondering how much longer she needs this level of micromanaging. Trying to get her to do something basic often turns into a huge argument.

You need to educate yourself about ADHD. That's the best thing you can do for her.

She's going to need executive functioning support for a long time, and you need to learn how to provide it so that you're developing her skills, not just hassling her. Yes it's annoying and difficult. That's why it's called a disability.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have two young-adult ADHD DDs. They come from a long line of ADHDers, at least three generations on my side of the family, and probably four based on descriptions of my grandmother.

The teenage years looked different for each of of my girls because they were very different people — one extremely social and gregarious who loved throwing herself into things and learned things very quickly, but who also had spells of great anxiety, the other deeply introverted with slower processing speed. Both could be “stubborn” (I hate that phrase, it’s so negative), particularly when young.

The short story is that I loved having teenagers. We had some challenges, but we also had fun. They did all the things that teenagers do — learned to drive (took a little longer), they did activities, got into colleges, they held summer jobs. They were awesome teens — not perfect, but great.

I could tell you more if you like but I strongly advise you don’t worry about teen years yet. Focus on the now. Learn about ADHD. Learn to work with who she is, not against her. Develop a sense of humor about the ADHD— not only will you need it, it will HELP, far more than the alternative. Make sure she knows you like her. Make sure you DO like her. Notice what she does right, not merely what she does wrong. Have some fun together as you’re figuring it out. Get support for yourself if you’re struggling. And do not — absolutely do not — get too hung up on the “advice” of extended family members or friends or teachers who begin sentences with the phrase “You just need to…” If it were that simple, it wouldn’t be ADHD.

The best thing I did for my ADHD girls was to shake my own anxiety and loosen my grip a little. Only then could I be open to different ways of engaging. I have learned a lot by being their parent — and other parts of my life are better for the things I’ve learned. I hope when your DD is older, you look back and say the same. Happy to answer questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is 6 currently. She refuses to follow basic instructions like us telling her to brush her teeth, get dressed, and eat the breakfast we prepared, unless every step of the process is micromanaged. As in, the second you turn around, she stops getting dressed and does something else. I'm wondering how much longer she needs this level of micromanaging. Trying to get her to do something basic often turns into a huge argument.

One helpful model I have found is that ADHD kids are about 3 years behind in certain areas. For your original question about the teen years, its much less noticeable when your 16 year old has the executive function of a 13 year old versus your 6 year old with the executive function of a 3 year old. And it will be way less noticeable as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Difficulty with having friends due to social skills and maturity gap. May mature slower (not that that's a bad thing) and gravitate to younger kids.

Executive functioning will be a challenge as academics increase and logistical complexity increases.

Agree with all the above.

(Signed, Mom with DD teen with adhd).

Same here. Mine is 12 and getting out the door for school and coming home are just nightmares. So bad with transitions and now add in constant sneering, eye rolls, sarcasm, all the while thinking she knows everything but forgetting her lunch, books, homework, and everything else constantly no matter how many reminders, charts, and other things we try to stay on top of it. It's rough.