DS hiding feelings to spare mine?

[Anonymous]

10 yo DS with ADHD/anxiety generally comes across as happy and silly. He has kids who seek him out to play, but doesn’t have a consistent friend group.

He started at a new summer camp which is a typical big loud setting where he was the only new camper in his group. He got off to a rough start socially, but within two weeks things seemed to smooth over.

Tonight however, as he was falling asleep he started talking about the social dynamics at camp, saying that some kids were being mean, calling him stupid and that most of his days juts aren’t so great there. We had to fill an unscheduled week later this month and when I asked what he wanted to do he said he wanted more time there. I’m so confused and feel so sad, because I was previously under the impression that he was having a great summer.

FWIW, he had gotten kicked out of a camp once a few years back when he was 7 for fighting/hitting. He certainly continues to struggle with emotional regulation, but has been able to get through the school year and summer activities without too much additional intervention from teachers/counselors.

We recently need to stop meds due to side effects, and he actually seemed to be doing fine off them, though we are discussing a medication change with his doctor. I just feel a little blindsighted by the contrasting accounts of what I thought was happening and this most recent update. Can anyone empathize or offer any input?

[Anonymous]

Can you stil him down and have a more nuanced conversation about it?

I have a DC with ADHD/anxiety, medicated for both, who went to sleep away camp this year for a couple of weeks. I got letter telling me how much they liked it, and at pickup, DC told me they loved it and wanted to go back next year. Then as we are talking about signing up to go again next year, DC telling me they really don’t want to go back.

My other DC also went to sleep away camp, also has ADHD/anxiety, was in a cabin of kids who mostly seemed to exclude them and pick on them. They talked about the other kids being mean in the letters home, and the camp counselor letters did not mention this DC making friends. This DC is dying to go back next summer for a longer session.

For my first DC (who doesn’t want go back), I think they like their routine at home and while they love the camp, they don’t love the activities and being with friends enough to want to go back.

For my DC who had a tough time socially, they loved the activities and being away from home and got to hang out with their sibling when things were tough with their own cabinmates, so even though the kids were mean, they are looking forward to going back. They are also the kind of child who gets a lot out of validation from counselors/adults, so as long as they are around they can sort of tune out the mean comments (even though they do hear them).

[Anonymous]

I think it can be true that he sometimes has a hard time at camp and he’s having a good summer and is generally happy. Sometimes the hard, struggle times are that way because good things are happening - friendships, new experiences, growth. So I wouldn’t jump to him hiding sadness from you. Maybe it’s all true, the good and the bad.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he just couldn't think of any other camps to suggest and figured he could get through an extra week of this one, even if it's not so great.