Is there anything I can do about this now?

[Anonymous]

My DD13 recently confessed that she’s really sad that I made her get rid of most of her favorite childhood toys. At the time she played with toys, I was struggling financially and the only way I could afford to fulfill wishlists was to sell old toys on FB groups. So we’d have purge sessions and then we’d buy new stuff with the money. We also had a space issue, but I could have probably figured out something had I tried a little harder, so I don’t love that excuse. My goals were short sighted and I feel really bad about it.

She mentions the things she misses the most, and some of them I have found used online and offered to replace, but she says it’s not the same. What can I do? I’m so guilt stricken!

[Anonymous]

Idk if this makes you feel better, but my mom saved EVERYTHING (she has a problem letting things go). Every time she comes to visit, she brings me a crate of junk that I have no desire to keep, but that I feel guilty getting rid of, because she saved it all these years and it's obviously important to her.

Someone else will surely chime in with a more helpful response, but I suspect your DD won't feel this way forever.

[Anonymous]

I have a 13yo DD. This age is hard. I would acknowledge her feelings and say that parenting is about making choices with situations given at the time. At the time you thought you were making the right one, not realizing how sad it would make her. I think acknowledging you made a mistake goes a long way with this age group.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Bringing them back won't bring back her childhood anyway. Time to make some new memories.

[Anonymous]

Be sincere and not dismissive in your apology. Maybe get one thing and not as a surprise or a way to make everything better but an attempt to make amends. She's deep in saying goodbye to her childhood and that's hard.

[Anonymous]

It's really cool that she would even tell you. I was sad that some toys and books disappeared in my childhood and I wouldn't dare say something because you couldn't be sad about toys.

13 is still young - maybe there is a game or lego or something she wants? Or some books? Or a blanket?

you can't replace things, but you have made room for new things...so try to enjoy those. and it is true that you wouldn't have kept everything anyway, but now is not the time to point that out.

I'm sorry - good luck!

[Anonymous]

You say "most" -- does she still have some toys and books from early childhood? Like did you keep an old lovey or a few favorite picture books?

If so, perhaps you can find a way to display these in a sentimental way to help her maintain that connection to her younger self.

If you don't have items, you could do a photo display from that time, not just posed photos but if you have photos of her playing with those old toys or reading those books. Get nice frames and display them somewhere prominent where she will see them regularly.

I also recommend getting her a nice "memory box" for moving forward. You can find these on Etsy and have them monogrammed or customized. Tell her you are sorry there are some things she misses from earlier childhood, but this box is a place for her to put things she wants to make sure she keeps now. Even at this age, there will be little things -- a diary, mementos from a class trip, friendship bracelets, etc. Show her that you understand this need she has to stay connected to her past and help facilitate it.

As a mom who is big on purging things, these are things I've done to support my sentimental DD who struggles to let go of old toys (without having to live in a hoarder house, since we live in a small apartment and can't actually keep everything).

[Anonymous]

It’s not really about the toys, it’s about being 13 and realizing she’s growing up. The best you can do is be patient and present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not really about the toys, it’s about being 13 and realizing she’s growing up. The best you can do is be patient and present.

Just about to post this ^^

The tangible part of her childhood is fading - especially with school starting in 2 weeks - and your DD is trying to grasp sonething for comfort and familiarity like her toys are (were).

It's hard. Nostalgic.

Validate her feelings (I'm guessing you too have fond memories of her playing Barbie for hours back in the day). Even reminesce together. Let her be bummed.
She'll start finding other things to pique her interest.

[Anonymous]

I'm having trouble understanding how you could have made any money selling old toys to buy new ones. Like, this stuff just tends to get more expensive as kids get older. Selling a handful of old stuffies and a play kitchen or whatever doesn't buy you much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm having trouble understanding how you could have made any money selling old toys to buy new ones. Like, this stuff just tends to get more expensive as kids get older. Selling a handful of old stuffies and a play kitchen or whatever doesn't buy you much.

I’m sure it was supplemental. Like, the kid wanted a $50 Lego Friends play set, but $50 wasn’t in the budget for one toy. So to make a $50 toy happen, we’d need to sell $25 worth of old toys to supplement the cost.

[Anonymous]

I'm from a toy hoarding family (lots of teachers, lots of educational toys).

You can apologize and validate her feelings.

She will be okay when she's big no matter what. I have fond memories of the "Busy Box" that was attached to my crib until I was about 2.5. My mom put it away and when we got it out for my kids, the plastic was brittle and it could not be used. That's just one example of the problems my family has had with long-term storage. Others include basement floods and an accidental throwing away of an item that was in an attic in a garbage bag to keep it dust-free.

Plastic is a particularly bad bet. I have some Lego sets from 2010 that have "Brittle Brown" in them. That makes it hard to build and disassemble them.

In the end, we all have to pare down what we move through life with. Even those that have lots of space. As an adult, I've limited what I buy so I can stay detached from things. And I'm still carefully outplacing toys to make sure they get loved and used. I have a good track record of success but it takes longer than leaving at the thrift store where I see lots of things put in the trash.

Your daughter may find that when she's older...a New In Box item might be emotionally okay.

Careful with childhood books. My husband regretted giving away a book and before Internet used bookstores it was hard to find again. Now it's easier but condition descriptions are incorrect quite often if you want a 100% clean book.

[Anonymous]

1. I suspect it's not the fact you got rid of the toys that smarts. It's the way you did it. Maybe you were a little abrupt about it and failed to emotionally accommodate small signs of anxiety and sadness in your child at the time. But when you're stressed yourself, that can be hard to do.

2. Also, teens will complain about anything. Brace yourself, OP, it will get worse before it gets better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not really about the toys, it’s about being 13 and realizing she’s growing up. The best you can do is be patient and present.

I think it's this too...just this short moment in her life.

If you just repeat the offer to rebuy a few things if she changes her mind, that's a help, I think. She may not want to now but maybe some things would be "just as good" with a few more years perspective. There are a lot of NIB dolls, for example.

[Anonymous]

Aw, do NOT feel guilty. I agree you should listen and validate. It’s not about replacing the stuff; it’s about helping her process what she’s feeling and why.