Helping kids make decisions
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Anonymous
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My kids are awful at making decisions. They waffle, take forever, and then it seems like a majority of the time, they regret their choice and have a meltdown (well, the younger one anyway— 6 and 8yo)
Anyone else experience this? Any books or guidance on how to build better decision makers? This is everything from what to have for breakfast to whether to go to the pool. They will say they don’t want X (to go to the pool, for example) and then after it’s too late (dinner time, bedtime) feel like they missed out and whine that they should have gone. |
Anonymous
| Competitive games that require a lot of split second decision making. |
Anonymous
| 6 and 8? let them be OP |
Anonymous
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How do you respond?
I know families who are SO into validating feelings that the kids seem unable to move on. It’s almost like they’re feeding the fire and making the feelings deeper and take on more importance when they “oh man that IS a huge bummer honey, come here let me give you a hug, I know you’re SO disappointed!” I’m all for validating feelings but then helping my kids move on. Oh man, yeah it’s a bummer it’s too late to hit the pool, but we can go tomorrow! And also—maybe you’re giving your kids too many choices? I know that’s the parenting trend now, and again, I’m all for it, but I think we are tipping the scales and taking it too far. Kids lose their mind over a breakfast choice? Tomorrow everyone is having eggs and toast; take it or leave it. |
Anonymous
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Give fewer choices. And give closed choices. "Do you want strawberries or blueberries right now?"
Remind them whichever one they don't pick today they can have tomorrow. And remind them the stakes are VERY low. "You know what happens if you pick strawberries over blueberries? Nothing. You just get strawberries and life goes on." |
Anonymous
| Some have the 5 second rule when they meet my kids that also take forever to make choices. I just tell my kids to randomly pick one if they like all or don’t like any. |
Anonymous
| they are still little. give them fewer opportunities for choices. set a time for the pool and go. pick out clothes and breakfast the night before. and if they are still upset about missing out, say they can have the other thing at the next meal. practice with a choice or two a day. |
Anonymous
| ADHD? |
Anonymous
Honestly, we are exploring this. One child won’t accept just two choices — always considering option C even if we say it’s not an option. I am also questioning whether our gentle parenting is just not working and we need to be more authoritarian (I do really try to thread the needle of authoritative vs authoritarian but probably fail). We have tried basically all the strategies above, so maybe this is a question for the special needs forum. |
Anonymous
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Agree with give less choices overall.
My kid gets a choice of 3 things for breakfast, plus fruit that I choose based on what we have I know she likes. Don’t listen to whining. If they choose no pool they need to live with tbat choice. They can regret their decision but doesn’t mean u need to listen to whining |