Seeing Ex DH After 11 Years

[Anonymous]

I've been divorced from my ex Husband for 7 years. He had a 2 year long affair and that was the cause of the break up. I discovered it by acccident and he never would have owned up to it. We went our different ways and never spoke again. A close mutual friend of ours died last week and the celebration of life will have both of us there.

I'm definiately not angry or hung up at all anymore and am very happily married but I have no interest in pretending that 'bygones are bygones'.

How would you deal with interacting with him? I don't want him thinking I care and I don't want to appear hung up on it but I don't like or respect the guy or his behavior.

[Anonymous]

I'd say: " Hi, how are you?" And then avoid him after that. If he makes small talk , give him brief replies, small smile and excuse yourself.

Don't worry too much about it. Dont spend any energy on him or how to react to him . If you make a mess of the encounter, oh well! Who cares what he thinks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say: " Hi, how are you?" And then avoid him after that. If he makes small talk , give him brief replies, small smile and excuse yourself.

Don't worry too much about it. Dont spend any energy on him or how to react to him . If you make a mess of the encounter, oh well! Who cares what he thinks?

Agree with this. I'd also get it over with early, for example do you think you'll encounter him at a reception following the service? I would make eye contact, smile and nod, and then look away and ignore him. I would only engage if he approaches you, and then keep it short and sweet. You owe him nothing.

[Anonymous]

I would not even say Hi. I would ignore him.
Will you attend with your husband?

[Anonymous]

I would take the "living well is the best revenge" tactic. Get a facial, wax your eyebrows, fluff your hair, Spanx everything that jiggles, depute your eye bags, whiten your teeth, and polish your jewelry.

And then ... talk with everyone. Hug everyone. Listen intently to everyone. Except him. If you find yourself face to face, say "hello Chad, Excuse me while I freshen my drink/say hello to Whoever" and walk away.

You are above him. You barely remember him.

[Anonymous]

You f’ed the guy for how many years? Ignoring him is stupid. You know you still have love for him. Be cordial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say: " Hi, how are you?" And then avoid him after that. If he makes small talk , give him brief replies, small smile and excuse yourself.

Don't worry too much about it. Dont spend any energy on him or how to react to him . If you make a mess of the encounter, oh well! Who cares what he thinks?

Agree with this. I'd also get it over with early, for example do you think you'll encounter him at a reception following the service? I would make eye contact, smile and nod, and then look away and ignore him. I would only engage if he approaches you, and then keep it short and sweet. You owe him nothing.

This is the way. Distant eye contact, smile, nod, ignore. If he tries to engage, yes/no then walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say: " Hi, how are you?" And then avoid him after that. If he makes small talk , give him brief replies, small smile and excuse yourself.

Don't worry too much about it. Dont spend any energy on him or how to react to him . If you make a mess of the encounter, oh well! Who cares what he thinks?

I'm a total beeyotch. I'd say "Hi, how are you?" but if he started to answer I'd kind of laugh and say "Oh, I don't actually care." And then walk away. F any man who cheats. And for TWO YEARS! I'm not listening to how he has a sinus headache or just got promoted or is excited for a baseball game.

[Anonymous]

I mean do to speak?

Avoid, make no to low eye contact, keep your distance…

Other wise a simply Hi/Bye or Nod to acknowledge him.

Keep it moving..

[Anonymous]

Have ^

[Anonymous]

No need to interact at all. Don't trip over yourself avoiding him, but you can easily be in opposite sides of the room

[Anonymous]

The day belongs to the dead guy. Let him have his day. Keep that in mind.

[Anonymous]

Be polite, make small talk. Treat him like an acquaintance. There is no need to make a scene or a statement at someone’s celebration of life. If you can’t focus on the reason you are there and are instead caught up trying to be petty and spiteful about someone you haven’t seen in 11 years, then don’t go.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar (but obviously different) situation where I had to see my brother with whom I've had no contact in 9 years at a funeral. I did pretty much what everyone here is saying - I saw him, said hello, I hope you're well, and moved on. And that was it.

[Anonymous]

I never had the luxury of thinking mine won't cheat. He did and wasn't a big deal. Not sure why you hurt over something expected.
Most are dogs.