DS won't invite friends to do things

[Anonymous]

DS is almost 16, has 1-2 close friends, easy going, kind, but a bit reserved. He's a good student and an athlete. He's well liked by both peers and teachers at school. He's one of those kids that can hang with any group. But DS refuses to invite friends to do things, even though they'd likely say yes. For example, we have a decently fun hangout house for teens. Pool, outdoor kitchen, teen room that opens to the pool with shuffleboard, air hockey, poker table, tvs to watch games. DS refuses to invite friends over. He also refuses to invite friends to do things. Go to the movies, go to laser tag, whatever it is, he refuses to be the one to invite. He gets invited, but never reciprocates. He's always been this way, even when he was little, he gets SO nervous to invite people.

How can I help him with this? He's having such a lame summer because he refuses to stick his neck out and do the asking.

[Anonymous]

I have two girls like this and have no advice. Just commiserating. We also have a cool hangout house but they’re happy hanging out at home with each other or on their own.
I just try not to make it a thing, as long as he’s happy don’t make him feel like he’s doing something wrong.

[Anonymous]

What happens if you do the inviting?

[Anonymous]

A cool hangout house is one where the parents aren't there. It's always been that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens if you do the inviting?

Her son is 16, not 6. Enough said.

[Anonymous]

He clearly gets anxiety over the idea of having to be the host or leader. Honestly, I think you should be grateful that he has friends and that he gets invited to events. And is there any chance he sees you, mom, as totally overbearing and he's afraid you will hover and insert yourself if he had friends over?

[Anonymous]

My kids aren't inviters either. I think you either are or you aren't--adults are the same way.
When they were young I hosted many play dates but they were never really comfortable hosting until they knew the kids really, really well. Now as teens they rarely host. My son has been dating a girl and it took him 3 months to invite her over.

It's not that we're always home or hovering or anything like that. They've been this way since they were young. Thankfully they each have a lot of friends are invited to do many things by other kids.

My husband and I aren't the "party house" but we do have friends over for dinner, etc. So hosting behavior is modeled to them.

[Anonymous]

Does HE think he’s having a lame summer? Or are you deciding that for him?

[Anonymous]

My teens are the same way. DH gets really anxious about it, but I think it’s fine. We have a nice family and our home is a nice place to be.
I had a pretty big social life as a teen and young adult. But the only people I am still really close with from that time are my siblings, cousins, and parents. Why not just let him lean into those relationships. Those are the ones that really matter long term anyway.

[Anonymous]

My DS is the same way, but when I pushed too hard once, he confided that his friends were drinking and smoking weed and talking about stuff he didn't want to be a part of. He just wanted home to be a place to relax and be away from that.

Trust his decision.

[Anonymous]

My ds doesn’t invite either! I feel bad, but I always offer to pay if he’s invited somewhere and I always offer carpooling to “balance” the universe. It’s hard because you know it would probably be good for them and they should get used to uncomfortable situations, but forcing them to invite friends over is just not feasible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if you do the inviting?

Her son is 16, not 6. Enough said.

Except that’s not working. So maybe OP needs to get the ball rolling…..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if you do the inviting?

Her son is 16, not 6. Enough said.

Except that’s not working. So maybe OP needs to get the ball rolling…..

Do you have or know any teens?! If mommy invites his friends to come and play, he will be ostracized.

[Anonymous]

So what is he doing with his free time this summer? Does he have a job or volunteer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is almost 16, has 1-2 close friends, easy going, kind, but a bit reserved. He's a good student and an athlete. He's well liked by both peers and teachers at school. He's one of those kids that can hang with any group. But DS refuses to invite friends to do things, even though they'd likely say yes. For example, we have a decently fun hangout house for teens. Pool, outdoor kitchen, teen room that opens to the pool with shuffleboard, air hockey, poker table, tvs to watch games. DS refuses to invite friends over. He also refuses to invite friends to do things. Go to the movies, go to laser tag, whatever it is, he refuses to be the one to invite. He gets invited, but never reciprocates. He's always been this way, even when he was little, he gets SO nervous to invite people.

How can I help him with this? He's having such a lame summer because he refuses to stick his neck out and do the asking.

Stop pressuring him!