Why isn’t there chemistry?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating a guy who is exactly what I’ve always wanted, on paper. Attractive, in very good shape, successful, wealthy, we have a lot of common interests (far more than I’ve had with other men), similar intelligence and humor, he’s generous and skilled in bed, etc.

But I just don’t feel IT for him. There’s no butterflies, no sparks. Although he’s very good in bed I don’t get turned on the same as I do with men I have intense physical chemistry with.

Why? What causes that chemistry and those butterflies? While I recognize it’s short lived and not how I should pick a partner, I do miss it, and I feel bad because I know he *does* have butterflies for me.

[Anonymous]

It’s pheromones. Yours aren’t a great match. It might be nature’s way of telling you you’ll breed less than optimal offspring with him, or that there will be fertility issues when your eggs and his sperm try to coordinate.

Or it might just be that you aren’t attracted to what is best for you and need therapy to figure that out.

[Anonymous]

That’s just how it works. I don’t think science can explain it 😅.

[Anonymous]

Try this.

https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness

You might just be holding back emotionally unable to trust and build intimacy based on something in your past.

[Anonymous]

You two aren't a match. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating a guy who is exactly what I’ve always wanted, on paper. Attractive, in very good shape, successful, wealthy, we have a lot of common interests (far more than I’ve had with other men), similar intelligence and humor, he’s generous and skilled in bed, etc.

But I just don’t feel IT for him. There’s no butterflies, no sparks. Although he’s very good in bed I don’t get turned on the same as I do with men I have intense physical chemistry with.

Why? What causes that chemistry and those butterflies? While I recognize it’s short lived and not how I should pick a partner, I do miss it, and I feel bad because I know he *does* have butterflies for me.

In good shape, wealthy, successful ...Is he Ken? And are you Barbie? I don't know I'm not saying you are delusional in your quest of the "perfect man" but maybe you should drop some your ideas for a bit and just meet man and get to know him. If you are looking for a build a bear type of man, you are also manufacturing chemistry...just saying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating a guy who is exactly what I’ve always wanted, on paper. Attractive, in very good shape, successful, wealthy, we have a lot of common interests (far more than I’ve had with other men), similar intelligence and humor, he’s generous and skilled in bed, etc.

But I just don’t feel IT for him. There’s no butterflies, no sparks. Although he’s very good in bed I don’t get turned on the same as I do with men I have intense physical chemistry with.

Why? What causes that chemistry and those butterflies? While I recognize it’s short lived and not how I should pick a partner, I do miss it, and I feel bad because I know he *does* have butterflies for me.

In good shape, wealthy, successful ...Is he Ken? And are you Barbie? I don't know I'm not saying you are delusional in your quest of the "perfect man" but maybe you should drop some your ideas for a bit and just meet man and get to know him. If you are looking for a build a bear type of man, you are also manufacturing chemistry...just saying

😂

[Anonymous]

Please send him my way!

[Anonymous]

"Butterflies" are the dumbest possible way to pick a mate.

This is yet another reason why getting rid of the "patriarchy" - in which dad picks your husband - was a disaster.

[Anonymous]

He sounds great. Maybe read some spicy books.

[Anonymous]

Life ain't Hallmark movie Ruthie.

[Anonymous]

Build-a-Bear Man, yes, please. Where do I sign up?

[Anonymous]

It’s there or it’s not.

[Anonymous]

It’s a combination of your early experiences (mostly non sexual ones) that you recognize in his micro actions and he in yours.

Also it’s not always fleeting!

[Anonymous]

That's how life is. Men aren't perfect, neither are women. If chemistry is important, move on. What happened to all the men you had great chemistry with?