Moving in together, rent share question

[Anonymous]

What is the best way for two people who are moving in together to deal with paying the rent when one person earns more than the other? Not more as in $200k vs $60k but more like $80k vs $60k. Or does this matter? Does it matter if it's the man or the woman who earns more?

Planning on having this discussion soon and just looking for input and viewpoints. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

You move into a place the lower earner can afford (ie their portion) and then pay equally, or if you move into a place the lower earner couldn't afford 50%, you pay by %s

[Anonymous]

Each pay exactly half of rent and utilities, put some in one name some in other name. Higher earner just gets more to keep for themselves.,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the best way for two people who are moving in together to deal with paying the rent when one person earns more than the other? Not more as in $200k vs $60k but more like $80k vs $60k. Or does this matter? Does it matter if it's the man or the woman who earns more?

Planning on having this discussion soon and just looking for input and viewpoints. Thanks.

I don't think so. It should still be done equitably. I'd say get a place in a price range you can both comfortably afford and pay 50/50. I would never have been comfortable letting someone pay more. I'm a woman if that matters.

[Anonymous]

Get a place that allows both of you to comfortably pay half, if you’re not married.

[Anonymous]

You posted this already.

[Anonymous]

My strong opinion, assuming that you are moving in together as a bit of an "are we compatible enough for marriage?" trial run, is that you should each pay for half of your living expenses, and rent a place that you can both afford. The genders of the people are not relevant.

One of the risks of living with someone before marriage is that breaking up seems like such a high bar, that you stay together basically by default. If one person is going to have to take a big hit to their standard of living by moving out, that really increases that risk, in my opinion. You don't want to be in a situation where someone is thinking, ugh, I don't know if this relationship is really working for me, but if I move out I'm going to have to get a much crappier place.

There's also basic fairness. You both share the apartment, you both share the cost. You are NOT a financial unit. You keep your finances separate until/unless you marry. In fact, I'd say that merging finances and making joint financial decisions was the biggest immediate change to my relationship when I got married.

For what it's worth, I lived this. In the early 2000s, I lived with a boyfriend who made $80k to my $35k, and we found a place that I could afford to pay have the rent on (it was essentially a small place and it was like 50% of my take home pay). My then boyfriend saved a ton of money during that time. That was an added bonus - if we had gotten married, we would have had a really big nest egg to start our marriage with. But I ended up dumping him. And I could afford to keep up my standard of living. No regrets.

Oh - and one thing we did do that I think worked out well, is that he would give me, as a present from time to time, a vacation. Worked out great - he'd shell out for a trip for both of us, and we'd call it a "Christmas-Valentines-Birthday" present. Saved him from having to actually shop for a gift, plus losing that when we broke up wasn't big enough to impact my decision, as it wasn't part of my day-to-day life.

Strong recommend.

[Anonymous]

I like a proportional split, thought you're both pretty close in income. That works out to 43%/57%.

This sort of proportional split allows each partner to have their own spending money and not feel resentment over paying too much, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You posted this already.

No I didn't. Feel free to ask Jeff. Maybe it comes up often. If you link to the other one though, that might help as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My strong opinion, assuming that you are moving in together as a bit of an "are we compatible enough for marriage?" trial run, is that you should each pay for half of your living expenses, and rent a place that you can both afford. The genders of the people are not relevant.

One of the risks of living with someone before marriage is that breaking up seems like such a high bar, that you stay together basically by default. If one person is going to have to take a big hit to their standard of living by moving out, that really increases that risk, in my opinion. You don't want to be in a situation where someone is thinking, ugh, I don't know if this relationship is really working for me, but if I move out I'm going to have to get a much crappier place.

There's also basic fairness. You both share the apartment, you both share the cost. You are NOT a financial unit. You keep your finances separate until/unless you marry. In fact, I'd say that merging finances and making joint financial decisions was the biggest immediate change to my relationship when I got married.

For what it's worth, I lived this. In the early 2000s, I lived with a boyfriend who made $80k to my $35k, and we found a place that I could afford to pay have the rent on (it was essentially a small place and it was like 50% of my take home pay). My then boyfriend saved a ton of money during that time. That was an added bonus - if we had gotten married, we would have had a really big nest egg to start our marriage with. But I ended up dumping him. And I could afford to keep up my standard of living. No regrets.

Oh - and one thing we did do that I think worked out well, is that he would give me, as a present from time to time, a vacation. Worked out great - he'd shell out for a trip for both of us, and we'd call it a "Christmas-Valentines-Birthday" present. Saved him from having to actually shop for a gift, plus losing that when we broke up wasn't big enough to impact my decision, as it wasn't part of my day-to-day life.

Strong recommend.

Thank you for this. It really helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the best way for two people who are moving in together to deal with paying the rent when one person earns more than the other? Not more as in $200k vs $60k but more like $80k vs $60k. Or does this matter? Does it matter if it's the man or the woman who earns more?

Planning on having this discussion soon and just looking for input and viewpoints. Thanks.

The man pays rents and the woman keeps all her money. Income difference does not matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the best way for two people who are moving in together to deal with paying the rent when one person earns more than the other? Not more as in $200k vs $60k but more like $80k vs $60k. Or does this matter? Does it matter if it's the man or the woman who earns more?

Planning on having this discussion soon and just looking for input and viewpoints. Thanks.

The man pays rents and the woman keeps all her money. Income difference does not matter.

^ I knew I wouldn’t have to wait long for the usual DCUMad answer.

[Anonymous]

Both need to pay half. Gender nor salary matter.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for each paying your half until/unless you are married or legal equivalent.

Live within the range of what the lower earner can afford. If you do end up getting married and thus become a true financial unit, you will be grateful that the higher earner was saving/investing that money during the time you were simply cohabitating. If you break up, everyone keeps their own money and the lower earner doesn't feel trapped or hesitant to end the relationship because they've become accustomed to a living situation they can't really afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the best way for two people who are moving in together to deal with paying the rent when one person earns more than the other? Not more as in $200k vs $60k but more like $80k vs $60k. Or does this matter? Does it matter if it's the man or the woman who earns more?

Planning on having this discussion soon and just looking for input and viewpoints. Thanks.

The man pays rents and the woman keeps all her money. Income difference does not matter.

Exactly. And get married first. WTF is the matter with you. Your time is better spent becoming the kind of person that a provider would desire, rather than trying to do bookkeeping on who pays the electric bill.

You're inviting problems that you don't even need to have.