Ex violates our custody agreement

[Anonymous]

Ex violates our custody agreement but in small ways that don’t seem worth contesting. For example, we have right of first refusal. But when he doesn’t want to ask me he just puts the kid in a school’s out camp. We are supposed to request and get consent for the other to cover our custody days, and he just informed me that I’ll be covering a day more than I agreed. He is supposed to have clothes for the kids but will refuse to get them items they need, like a winter coat.

He is not well (had paranoid delusions and rage episodes prior to the divorce). I know this is all part of his likely personality disorder. Advice on how to handle apart from just documenting? I’m particularly annoyed about the custody day because I’m already with the kids 3/4 of this month because he didn’t want his summer vacation with them and he’s traveling for work (when we are supposedly 50/50). The kids feel rejected by him because he uses babysitters even when he’s not taking the full time and I just am over it all, especially because he fought me for 50-50.

[Anonymous]

He has paranoid delusions and rage?

I would want full custody, and I wouldn't care at all that the kids feel rejected by a dangerously ill person.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with him putting the kids in camp or babysitters when working. If he's traeling for work, he's working, so its not that he doesn't want to be with the kids, but he needs to earn income to pay for things. Ask him for money to buy clothes for his home and have him keep the clothes there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has paranoid delusions and rage?

I would want full custody, and I wouldn't care at all that the kids feel rejected by a dangerously ill person.

You have to show physical abuse or neglect of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has paranoid delusions and rage?

I would want full custody, and I wouldn't care at all that the kids feel rejected by a dangerously ill person.

It sounds like she tried for full custody and the court gave him 50/50.

I always care when my kids are hurt. Even if they have also been hurt in other ways. Your last comment is just bizarre.

[Anonymous]

You need to assume that you will eventually have your kids 100% of the time even if that isn’t what the piece of paper says. Personally, I would be grateful that my kids had 1 less day with someone with serious mental health issues — but I totally understand that this could cause massive inconvenience with respect to your own job, etc. Document so you can get child support modified (if this guy is capable of holding a job).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to assume that you will eventually have your kids 100% of the time even if that isn’t what the piece of paper says. Personally, I would be grateful that my kids had 1 less day with someone with serious mental health issues — but I totally understand that this could cause massive inconvenience with respect to your own job, etc. Document so you can get child support modified (if this guy is capable of holding a job).

Read the post. She’s upset he’s working and putting the kids in camp. He cannot have the serious mental health issues and hold down a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has paranoid delusions and rage?

I would want full custody, and I wouldn't care at all that the kids feel rejected by a dangerously ill person.

You have to show physical abuse or neglect of the kids.

Even then it is not likely to be changed. OP, I’d do the NAMI family to family course, your kids are at high risk for mental illness. Best to be prepared. You can’t change your ex. Radically accept that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to assume that you will eventually have your kids 100% of the time even if that isn’t what the piece of paper says. Personally, I would be grateful that my kids had 1 less day with someone with serious mental health issues — but I totally understand that this could cause massive inconvenience with respect to your own job, etc. Document so you can get child support modified (if this guy is capable of holding a job).

Read the post. She’s upset he’s working and putting the kids in camp. He cannot have the serious mental health issues and hold down a job.

You'd be surprised what people can continue working while doing. Sometimes rage issues are directed exclusively at family members and people outside would be shocked to know about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to assume that you will eventually have your kids 100% of the time even if that isn’t what the piece of paper says. Personally, I would be grateful that my kids had 1 less day with someone with serious mental health issues — but I totally understand that this could cause massive inconvenience with respect to your own job, etc. Document so you can get child support modified (if this guy is capable of holding a job).

Read the post. She’s upset he’s working and putting the kids in camp. He cannot have the serious mental health issues and hold down a job.

Well that’s just not true.

You can’t do anything, OP. Going back to court might get you a little more child support, but it will cost money and aggravation to reopen things. I don’t mean to sound unkind - I can see this is hard on you and the kids. But there isn’t much you can do.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to pull back and identify your desired outcomes, and then build documentation that will support that.

You can’t complain that he isn’t giving you ROFR and then complain he isn’t taking his parenting time. It’s contradictory, and it makes you look uncooperative in the court’s eyes.

It’s pretty reasonable to be able to put your kids in day camp so that you can work. Going to court because he is doing that will likely result in ROFR being clarified to just overnights, or even taken away entirely.

But to answer your question: yes, all you can do is document.