If you had an affair that lasted longer than a year, tell me about it
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear? |
Anonymous
how long has your affair been going on ? |
Anonymous
| Why is one year a marker for living a double life, guilt, and shame? |
Anonymous
| That's a pretty long time. You definitely are in dangerous territory as feelings will have developed by now. |
Anonymous
|
H did it for 18 months, his garbage therapist commended him for his compartmentalization skills.
I knew it most of the time it was going on, the children noticed his personality shift. Likely because of the stress of living many lies he couldn’t withstand the slightest inconvenience without having an existential meltdown and tantrum. Just be honest and leave |
Anonymous
If you don't feel the whole double life/guilt/shame thing from the start, you're not of high enough integrity to magically catch on later. A year+ "affair" is a one-sided open marriage, and such a blanket disrespect for your spouse that you should be isolated from society for your extraordinary selfishness. If you don't love your spouse enough to be honest with them about where your time/money/resources/attention are going, FOR A YEAR, you're a trash human being. Your spouse is either a clueless idiot, or aware and unable to justify leaving (or, perhaps, financially unable to leave). None of this absolves the cheater one bit. Cheaters are absolute garbage excuses for people. Expecting them to grow a conscience over time is ridiculous. |
Anonymous
| I was already separated. He was not. It lasted 5 years. We were together 20 years ago before we reconnected. Hardly saw each other…no double life. |
Anonymous
I had numerous affairs over several years. I didn’t think about it. |
Anonymous
| We should bring back stoning. Cheaters don’t make mistakes, they are the mistake. |
Anonymous
You are dysfunctional. Lacking character and empathy. |
Anonymous
100% agree |
Anonymous
|
I had a very fraught “emotional affair” for 2 years and both of our marriages were/are on life support. I can’t really know the inside of his marriage but his description of it as miserable was pretty consistent and credible, my marriage was also miserable.
Sometimes in that type of very lonely circumstance you find someone who makes you feel seen and you develop feelings for them. Despite being very attracted to one another we did not progress to a physical affair, and I’m glad for that at least. And for awhile he was my lifeline. I know he is trying to do right by his children and I hope he can repair his relationship with his wife but I no longer speak to him. The whole thing was so strange and sad and frankly stupid. My husband was very forgiving, I think probably because it only really seemed like a friendship to him. I am less judgmental as a result… people do wrong things for all kinds of reasons. If they can fix what is broken inside themselves they can be redeemed. I’ve done a lot of work to figure out how I reached that emotional place and how I can break the patterns that led me there. |
Anonymous
| I have not had an affair nor has my husband, but I'm a little fascinated by he super long term affairs. A year doesn't seem THAT long. WhenI was headed to college my BFFs father was outed (FAFSA?) As having an entirely separate family of the same makeup. 3 daughters with wife one and 3 with mistress, all the same age. The mistress lived in a house that was nearly identical down to the furniture of the wife's home. UMC vs more MC area but otherwise pretty much the same. I'd love to know the psychology behind that kind of setup, it makes NO sense to me why that would be desirable or how it was hidden so long. |
Anonymous
| I'm having an affair with my child's tutor. I year this month. |
Anonymous
This. |