Cousins Relationship as they get older

[Anonymous]

Do you have a close-ish relationship with your cousins as you get older/become adults?

Went to a family function yesterday. I couldn't help but notice how the same age cousins (in this case teens) just didn't seem to be close/talking much. I can completely see them hardly staying in touch/seeing each other once the grandparents pass and they themselves become adults.

[Anonymous]

My cousin is 2 weeks older than me, and we're like sisters. I'm an only child, and she has a much older brother. Our mothers are sisters, and we played together staying from birth. We lived less than an hour away. We went to different colleges in the same city, and stayed close as adults. We have the same friction sisters do but I almost feel like she's my twin bestie.

[Anonymous]

I was close to some of my cousins growing up but we never see each other as adults. I haven’t seen most of them in decades.

[Anonymous]

Well OP it’s time for you and your siblings to suit up and form the flying monkey brigade! It’s your job now to pester, manipulate, pout pout, stamp your feet, sigh and never stop pushing and blathering on to force your soon to be young adults into yet another obligatory only relationship . Make sure to listen hard to travel plans and triangulate with siblings to try to get the adult kids to change their plans to include cousins. Don’t forget to throw a family reunion every year. Badger your adult children into thinking every invitation is a summons to drop everything. Keep your ears to the ground with your siblings, if you catch wind of any event where someone’s adult kid isn’t inviting a cousin, jump into action! Fix that puppy!

Or you could just let your kids grow up and choose their own relationships.

[Anonymous]

My husbands family yes, very much so. My family no.

I think it comes down to the relationship/effort of the older generation and just in general family expectations. I hope my kids take after his side and so far it seems that way. It is just ingrained in them to put the effort in.my kids are close with many of their second cousins (the kids of DH’s first cousins.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well OP it’s time for you and your siblings to suit up and form the flying monkey brigade! It’s your job now to pester, manipulate, pout pout, stamp your feet, sigh and never stop pushing and blathering on to force your soon to be young adults into yet another obligatory only relationship . Make sure to listen hard to travel plans and triangulate with siblings to try to get the adult kids to change their plans to include cousins. Don’t forget to throw a family reunion every year. Badger your adult children into thinking every invitation is a summons to drop everything. Keep your ears to the ground with your siblings, if you catch wind of any event where someone’s adult kid isn’t inviting a cousin, jump into action! Fix that puppy!

Or you could just let your kids grow up and choose their own relationships.

tldr

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a close-ish relationship with your cousins as you get older/become adults?

Went to a family function yesterday. I couldn't help but notice how the same age cousins (in this case teens) just didn't seem to be close/talking much. I can completely see them hardly staying in touch/seeing each other once the grandparents pass and they themselves become adults.

Yes. In my family, we saw each other often. Now we are in our 60s, they are close with their own siblings and all of our children don't really have any connection with each other. After our parents died, that was pretty much the end of the family.
How are we seeing each other as cousins now? At our respective funerals. There's been 3 so far. An accident and 2 cancers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a close-ish relationship with your cousins as you get older/become adults?

Went to a family function yesterday. I couldn't help but notice how the same age cousins (in this case teens) just didn't seem to be close/talking much. I can completely see them hardly staying in touch/seeing each other once the grandparents pass and they themselves become adults.

I grew up seeing some cousins once a month, and seeing some once every few years and everything in between. One cousin and I were at the same camp one summer, at one point one cousin and I went to the same gymnastics place. As an adult, I have some cousins I haven't spoken to in two decades and one I text with every so often. The one I text with is ten years older than I am, and as a kid she and I had nothing in common at all.

I live across the country from all of them and rarely go back. Some have kids now, who I've only met once, twice, or never at all.

[Anonymous]

I have a ton of first cousins and wouldn’t say I’m close with any of them. Close enough that we chat at family functions easily but not close enough where we spend time together independently.

Our DD and our niece are 4 weeks apart and live 8 hours apart and have been close from the beginning. They are young adults now and are closer than ever and visit and travel together regularly.

I think it’s more personality based than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Somewhat close but as adults but we are scattered across the country and the world (my parents were immigrants). We have family WhatsApp groups on both sides where people share pix, updates, chatter. Various subsets get together. We have done big family reunions every few years but it's gotten harder with kids and other commitments.

A bunch of us happen to be only children and I do think we are all looking for that sense of family/belonging and continuing that for our kids, so I do feel close to a lot of my cousins and want to keep those relationships going.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the same area with older local cousins and they all had issues with alcohol/drug/petty crimes and were generally a rough lot. We shared the same surname and I knew early on to lie and say we aren’t related! My parents kept us away from them for good reason.

[Anonymous]

I barely see the cousin I was closest too as a child. No ill will, just living different lives.

My kids are SO close with their cousins, I hope they are still in each other's lives as adults. I know I'll make an effort, and I hope my siblings do too, to keep them seeing each other regularly as they get older. There's so many directions they could all go though, so who knows!

[Anonymous]

Yeah. It really depends on things.

I have a large group of first cousins on both my Mom and Dads side of the family and I am definitely closer with those on my Mom's side. We'll see each other a couple of times a year, text and generally update each other regularly - we are all over the country and have vacationed together as well. I spent a ton of time with them growing up - regularly at their house, hanging out for family events, etc.

My closest cousin is 4 years older than me and our kids are the same age and get along really well when together.

My wife has a particular cousin that she is close with and talks to her on a regular basis.

You can't really force it - I would say I grew closer to them as I got older.

[Anonymous]

I didn't grow up with any cousins because they all lived in India. I thought that my kids and their cousins would be super tight, but now I see that there are no guaranteees!

Hang out with the ones who appreciate you the most!

[Anonymous]

I am close with mine but my kids will close only with a couple of theirs I think. The others are either much younger or they just don’t click. No animosity at all they just don’t have much in common and don’t seem to have a great time hanging out.