Men and midlife crises - have you watched a close relative go through one

[Anonymous]

A son or brother? I cut ties with my ex's family because when he went through his (he's still going through it at age 45), even though we always got along well. Ex's new gf is extremely different than me and younger. I wonder what his mother thinks especially.

[Anonymous]

People close rank and are loyal to their own regardless of what they know on an intellectual level.

It’s an interesting question that I’ve been contemplating because I watched a neighbor go through his and his mom has really wrapped him in care like he’s a 10 year old boy. And my DH is certainly in the midst of early stages of one, and when I’ve been able to step out of how I feel and look at it clinically, it’s clear that his mom sees it as a time to baby him and that he just needs lots of extra love. Same for my brother- even though my mom was judgey in how she spoke to me about it, towards my brother she was unconditional in her support and dismissal of any critics or pushback from others.

I think a lot of relatives probably find a way to see the little kid they once knew inside the mess because their relationship isn’t built on them being two equal adults.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think I know any man who went thru a mid life crisis. What changes are you seeing?

[Anonymous]

I watched a once-close colleague go through an intense and cliched mid-life crisis. It was heartbreaking to watch someone self-destruct so quickly and confidently - he threw away a good job/career, a great family, everything. And I think in the end he realized the damage he'd done but it was too late.

[Anonymous]

It’s easy to support family members in good times. It’s the support in tough times that makes it family.

[Anonymous]

You guys talk like it’s a personality flaw or even a choice to go through such a struggle. How about some compassion? Help a person out if they are a good friend or family. Don’t abandon them when they hit a common struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys talk like it’s a personality flaw or even a choice to go through such a struggle. How about some compassion? Help a person out if they are a good friend or family. Don’t abandon them when they hit a common struggle.

My ex wanted his family to believe that he deserved better than his wife. That he has the right to cheat. That he had a right to meet other people behind my back even during working hours both betraying me and his workplace. They ate up everything and gave him money to cheat and ideas to betray more quietly. I think this is all too common that people support the person in the midlife crisis by enabling. People need to be taught how to help a person in this situation more tactfully and in healthier ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys talk like it’s a personality flaw or even a choice to go through such a struggle. How about some compassion? Help a person out if they are a good friend or family. Don’t abandon them when they hit a common struggle.

My ex wanted his family to believe that he deserved better than his wife. That he has the right to cheat. That he had a right to meet other people behind my back even during working hours both betraying me and his workplace. They ate up everything and gave him money to cheat and ideas to betray more quietly. I think this is all too common that people support the person in the midlife crisis by enabling. People need to be taught how to help a person in this situation more tactfully and in healthier ways.

Same here. It’s disturbing and devastating to watch how easily some people throw morals and values out the window. It adds a second level of deep pain, when I’m already destroyed by my husband affair, betrayal, lies, and walking away from our family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I watched a once-close colleague go through an intense and cliched mid-life crisis. It was heartbreaking to watch someone self-destruct so quickly and confidently - he threw away a good job/career, a great family, everything. And I think in the end he realized the damage he'd done but it was too late.

How did he throw away his career?