Passing
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Is there such a thing as stolen valor for queerness?
I am hopelessly straight but I wear a pride watch. I got my career start working in an HIV AIDS outpatient clinic in NYC in the 1990s and made (and lost) many gay friends. I wear the watch partly to remember them. I have a trans nephew and I wear it so he has visible evidence that I’m proud of him when we are together. And I wear it because I have a gay stepdaughter whose comfort and sense of being loved and accepted matters very much to me. I also wear it because I think gay rights are human rights. There are a bunch of new people at my workplace and I’m pretty sure a lot of them think I am a lesbian and honestly I think there are at least of few of them who are including me in conversations that they might not otherwise if they knew I was straight. Does any of this matter? I don’t want to stop wearing my watch but I will if I’m doing something hurtful. Thanks in advance for your feedback. |
Anonymous
|
If you are having conversations that are personal I would tell them your sexuality. Or share a personal story of yours so they get the hint. if they are your friend they will not care.
Why would you not? Of course wear that watch. My DH does in support of my niece because my sister and BIL are hateful sub humans. |
Anonymous
| I think it’s weird to wear a pride watch to the office no matter your sexuality. |
Anonymous
Why is that weird? |
Anonymous
I don't. Wear it, OP. You can mention an opposite sex partner if you feel like people are confiding in you in a way they wouldn't be otherwise, but I don't think performing straightness should be an expectation pretty much anywhere. I worry about this occasionally because I'm a woman married to a man who wears/has some styles that are coded queer...but I'm not actually straight. So if anyone assumes I'm not, then finds out I'm in a hetero relationship, and is offended...I dunno, they can be pissed about bi women marrying dudes as much as they want, it's a whole thing, but I just don't have the energy for it to be MY thing. |
Anonymous
|
The watch is fine but I think you should make it clear you’re an ally if people are assuming you’re queer.
I wouldnt call it stolen valor unless you’re actually claiming an experience you haven’t had, which you are not. Also, as a sort of footnote, this isn’t what passing means. When I saw your post I came in shaming it was about something very different. |
Anonymous
|
Passing typically refers to trans folks passing as their gender… weird thread.
Just be clear why you wear the watch. Just because you have an opposite sex partner doesn’t necessarily mean you’re straight either. I’m bi, married to a man. Your coworkers are almost certainly thinking you’re a part of the alphabet crew… we wear this stuff to signal to one another, so be prepared for people to be taken aback… |
Anonymous
| Sounds like cultural appropriation. |
Anonymous
Nope. |
Anonymous
| You're right on the vibes. It sounds like your hobby is "Queer stuff". Some people are gonna have a Labradoodle mug at work, other people have a Lord of the Rings poster, you have a Pride watch. Eh, everybody's got a hobby. |
Anonymous
| My husband wears a trans pride bracelet to his job every day because we have a trans kid and this is a time we feel we need to be vocal in our support. I don’t think anyone thinks he’s trans, or if they do he is REALLY passing well. I’m not sure what passing has to do with your question but you don’t have to tell people about your orientation. But I also don’t know why anyone would be upset. |
Anonymous
| I am a bi man who has been in a long term relationship with my wife. Do people probably judge my commitment to LGBTQ? Sure. Do I care enough to deny my own experiences or identity? Of course not. LGBTQ people are used to being judged inaccurately. |
Anonymous
Only weird if you are not part of the community.... OP - You are not passing. You are straight. Don't complicate things... |