Settlement and Parenting Plan

[Anonymous]

What issues arose that you wish had been addressed in your settlement agreement and parenting plan? Which items were you glad you included?

[Anonymous]

Depends how old your kids are. Be very thoughtful about making a plan that will be suitable for them as they age, get very busy with activities, and demand more autonomy. Think about how you'd like them to handle, for example, rejecting a new partner or stepfamily and refusing to go to one or the other house.

Front load savings, lock up money in trusts and 529s rather than believing your ex will pay in as agreed to.

Don't fight for a provision you won't be able to enforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends how old your kids are. Be very thoughtful about making a plan that will be suitable for them as they age, get very busy with activities, and demand more autonomy. Think about how you'd like them to handle, for example, rejecting a new partner or stepfamily and refusing to go to one or the other house.

Front load savings, lock up money in trusts and 529s rather than believing your ex will pay in as agreed to.

Don't fight for a provision you won't be able to enforce.

Refusing visitation/custody to the other parent is meaningless as courts rarely enforce it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Front load savings, lock up money in trusts and 529s rather than believing your ex will pay in as agreed to.

Don't fight for a provision you won't be able to enforce.

Can you lock up money in kid trusts without asking/telling spouse after he files for divorce. He is a greedy cheating deadbeat underachiever and is targeting the account I had saved for the kids (but titled jointly). Or do I have to ask him? Makes me sick that he has lied continually and betrayed us all and now wants to steal money from the kids (in addition to getting lots from me)

[Anonymous]

Be careful to state that during vacation periods/holidays, the usual "every other weekend" routine is suspended. My sister's exH would never agree to forego his 2X/month visitation with the kids, which meant that could only take them out of town from Monday to the following Friday, thereby losing the two weekends on each end of the time period.

Including a right of first refusal for any time that the other parent would put the kids into paid care or with their new partner during their parenting time is important.

Think through whether you want to "force" the other parent to spend time with the kids, vs. you'd prefer to have them with you whenever he doesn't want them. And if the kids are going to spend more time with you, then the other parent should pay more child support.

I went through each year ahead until my youngest kid turned 18 and determined which years I would have them for Christmas. (We rotated each year.) In my family, we celebrate on Christmas Eve, so that meant I needed to have the kids the day before 12/23 in order to travel.

I didn't include language about which of us would drop kids off at college their freshman year, or which of us would take them on college tours. It worked out in my situation since my ex-H didn't care about those things. But in retrospect, I wish I'd included it.

If you're religious and your religion involves kids going through important and/or expensive ceremonies while teens, add language about who makes decisions and how those events are funded.

[Anonymous]

Provide that you will share the cost of extracurriculars. if your kids are young, you may not know yet what hobbies/sports/activities are in their future.

I am getting a small amount of child support bc I have majority custody, but my ex refuses to contribute anything toward extracurriculars. If your kid has an expensive activity or travel sport, this adds up fast. We have music lessons, travel sports, and some private instruction/clinics for the travel sport. I understand these things are optional, but kids were doing them before the divorce and I am trying to maintain that for them. The travel sports costs are killing me, and their dad refuses to help pay for any of it though he makes a ton more money than I do. He thinks I'm living large off his meager child support payments and has even accused me of "spending it on myself." I wish we had included a provision to split these expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Front load savings, lock up money in trusts and 529s rather than believing your ex will pay in as agreed to.

Don't fight for a provision you won't be able to enforce.

Can you lock up money in kid trusts without asking/telling spouse after he files for divorce. He is a greedy cheating deadbeat underachiever and is targeting the account I had saved for the kids (but titled jointly). Or do I have to ask him? Makes me sick that he has lied continually and betrayed us all and now wants to steal money from the kids (in addition to getting lots from me)

Short answer: no. And him making sure he gets his rightful percentage of marital assets isn't necessarily "stealing money from the kids."