What if you don’t like your teen?

[Anonymous]

I love her but i don’t like her as a person- 90% of her personality. The other 10% is made up memories i’m grasping of when she was little and pleasant. Overall, She was a difficult, handful child.

There I said it. You can still love your child but not like them.

[Anonymous]

There were times I outright hated my teenager for the rude dismissive ungrateful behavior. So I get it OP. Hang in there. If you can maintain the relationship it does get better. Mine started turning it around at 18.

[Anonymous]

Nobody does. It hopefully gets better after 21.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody does. It hopefully gets better after 21.

Not true. I love and like both my teens. They aren’t perfect, but they’re sweet a good percentage of the time. I know I got lucky. I was not this type of teen with my own parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love her but i don’t like her as a person- 90% of her personality. The other 10% is made up memories i’m grasping of when she was little and pleasant. Overall, She was a difficult, handful child.

There I said it. You can still love your child but not like them.

Without some examples we aren’t sure exactly what you’re dealing with, but is she just stubborn? Willful? Ignore what I say before if it’s outright defiance, getting in trouble at school, drugs, etc.

If on the more mild - but still annoying side - it could be a count your blessings thing where it could be worse. Your kid’s willful determination and “attitude” can be useful in the future (I have a kid like that).

And don’t take it personally! Teens do have a lot on their plate, we tend to think oh wow all you have is school, but I do think the pressure they have is much more than we did as teens. And they just, after keeping it together for school, teachers, peers, coaches, let it all out when with their parents where it’s safe to do so. They simply don’t have the maturity yet to vent or blow off steam without being a-holes.

Does your teen have a way to blow off steam? I’ve found with my kids that physical activity is so important. For my DS it was sports, and for my DD whose organized sport career has ended with the soon end of HS, she hits the gym regularly.

[Anonymous]

I’ll admit to it. We are very different people, both in our interests & personality/outlook on life. I don’t think we would gravitate towards each other if we weren’t family.
I keep this to myself & have only spoken to DH about it. I try to find ways to connect & I tell her I love her all the time, do things for her to show it, etc. But spending time together is not really enjoyable.
When I see mothers & daughters out enjoying each other’s company, I get a little wistful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody does. It hopefully gets better after 21.

Not always. One is very pleasant now at 25. I’m waiting for the 22 year old who was pretty great until 15. I’m not sure though with that one.

[Anonymous]

My 17 year old is now starting to grow on me as a "friend"...we are very different people with different interests and priorities, but I am more optimistic that we will "like " each other as we grow older.

[Anonymous]

Give it time. Somewhere between 19 and 21 changes. Hopefully, your relationship will improve by then.

[Anonymous]

Is it to sullen teen behavior you don’t like or literally her personality?

[Anonymous]

I’m sure my mom felt the same. Our relationship didn’t improve until I moved further away. Sometimes distance helps! Being up in each others business 24/7 is ripe for disagreements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure my mom felt the same. Our relationship didn’t improve until I moved further away. Sometimes distance helps! Being up in each others business 24/7 is ripe for disagreements.

Completely agree. My mother and I could not live together happily. I am absolutely positive that she couldn't stand me. But we are great for a lunch together or a phone chat. We realized we have the same sense of humor, though we have totally different approaches to life.