Moms who used donor eggs, are you going to reach out to the egg donor?

[Anonymous]

I was an egg donor 14 years ago and wonder what happened with my donation. I selected “open ID” but have never been contacted. I also reached out to the agency who refused to tell me if there were any live births. I respect the family’s decision not to engage with me if they want although I hope the family was at least honest with the kid(s) about being donor conceived.

People on the other end… have you reached out to the donor? Do you plan to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was an egg donor 14 years ago and wonder what happened with my donation. I selected “open ID” but have never been contacted. I also reached out to the agency who refused to tell me if there were any live births. I respect the family’s decision not to engage with me if they want although I hope the family was at least honest with the kid(s) about being donor conceived.

People on the other end… have you reached out to the donor? Do you plan to?

For sure, they didn't tell their kids. I'd venture a guess that very few are truthful with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an egg donor 14 years ago and wonder what happened with my donation. I selected “open ID” but have never been contacted. I also reached out to the agency who refused to tell me if there were any live births. I respect the family’s decision not to engage with me if they want although I hope the family was at least honest with the kid(s) about being donor conceived.

People on the other end… have you reached out to the donor? Do you plan to?

For sure, they didn't tell their kids. I'd venture a guess that very few are truthful with their kids.

Only 9% know: https://www.wearedonorconceived.com/2020-survey-top/2020-we-are-donor-conceived-survey/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an egg donor 14 years ago and wonder what happened with my donation. I selected “open ID” but have never been contacted. I also reached out to the agency who refused to tell me if there were any live births. I respect the family’s decision not to engage with me if they want although I hope the family was at least honest with the kid(s) about being donor conceived.

People on the other end… have you reached out to the donor? Do you plan to?

For sure, they didn't tell their kids. I'd venture a guess that very few are truthful with their kids.

That is very sad given that the psychological consensus is that being honest is preferable. And now it’s so easy to find out from DNA tests. :/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an egg donor 14 years ago and wonder what happened with my donation. I selected “open ID” but have never been contacted. I also reached out to the agency who refused to tell me if there were any live births. I respect the family’s decision not to engage with me if they want although I hope the family was at least honest with the kid(s) about being donor conceived.

People on the other end… have you reached out to the donor? Do you plan to?

For sure, they didn't tell their kids. I'd venture a guess that very few are truthful with their kids.

That is very sad given that the psychological consensus is that being honest is preferable. And now it’s so easy to find out from DNA tests. :/

23andme is going under. Young people don't want their DNA out there anyway. They'll probably never suspect a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an egg donor 14 years ago and wonder what happened with my donation. I selected “open ID” but have never been contacted. I also reached out to the agency who refused to tell me if there were any live births. I respect the family’s decision not to engage with me if they want although I hope the family was at least honest with the kid(s) about being donor conceived.

People on the other end… have you reached out to the donor? Do you plan to?

For sure, they didn't tell their kids. I'd venture a guess that very few are truthful with their kids.

Only 9% know: https://www.wearedonorconceived.com/2020-survey-top/2020-we-are-donor-conceived-survey/

Where is the 9% number from? The link you pasted said over 50% were told.

[Anonymous]

I think the "consensus" has changed about sharing this information with donor conceived children. When we made the decision to go the donor route 3 years ago, everyone involved (fertility clinic, donor agencies, egg banks, etc) was very clear that what's best for the child is to be told, and told early. We had to speak to a counselor about this as a required part of the process. There are now lots of children's books that cover this topic in age appropriate ways, but that certainly wasn't the case 10-15 years ago.

To the OP, I'm sorry you aren't able to learn anything from the clinic. But if you eggs did result in a live birth, there is at least one family out there who is eternal grateful for your decision to donate.

[Anonymous]

We told our donor conceived child the truth from a very age. DC is now in their late teens. They tell me that they simply aren’t interested in knowing more than what is on the donor form, that I am their mom, as well as their dad is their dad, and they are good.

Honestly, I would love to thank her directly. But I always told DC that it’s their information and their decision, so it’s up to them.

YMMV. I know that there are groups out there representing very unhappy donor conceived children. I don’t know how much it matters that you have someone socially filling that genetic role, that you have a stable family, etc.

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend who used a donor egg. The child is still younger but she has always been upfront with her child about being "adopted." I don't know if contact with donor will ever happen, but I will say that she is so thankful for her baby, and that child is a total sweetheart.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who donated their eggs. They only contacted her when they wanted siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the "consensus" has changed about sharing this information with donor conceived children. When we made the decision to go the donor route 3 years ago, everyone involved (fertility clinic, donor agencies, egg banks, etc) was very clear that what's best for the child is to be told, and told early. We had to speak to a counselor about this as a required part of the process. There are now lots of children's books that cover this topic in age appropriate ways, but that certainly wasn't the case 10-15 years ago.

To the OP, I'm sorry you aren't able to learn anything from the clinic. But if you eggs did result in a live birth, there is at least one family out there who is eternal grateful for your decision to donate.

My kid is now 10 and this was the protocol then. He knows that someone else helped but no details. If he wants to look into it later I won't stop him.

[Anonymous]

My 15-year-old daughter knows that she was conceived with a donor egg. I sort of assume/expect that she will want to contact the donor when she’s 18. I haven’t brought it up with her because I would rather wait until she’s 16 or 17 to talk more directly about it and she hasn’t asked me.

The decision will be hers, but I hope she wants to contact the donor mostly as I would like to thank her myself.

[Anonymous]

My three donor-egg-conceived children are now 23, 20 and 20. Donor wanted to be anonymous in 2001 but I got very good at google and was able to find her. Yes I had told my kids from the time they were babies that there was a donor. I believe kids should be told. When I Facebook messaged the donor just to confirm that I had found her, she was quite upset because she wanted to remain anonymous (my guess is she never told her own family that she had donated). Anyway , I told the kids that she doesn’t want to be contacted. But we know her name and one of my kids from time to time googles to see what she is up to ( and she has always been online and findable). Same child joined ancestry when she was 18 and we are hoping to someday find what I think could be four half-siblings. So , OP, you should get your dna on ancestry! And thank you for being a donor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My three donor-egg-conceived children are now 23, 20 and 20. Donor wanted to be anonymous in 2001 but I got very good at google and was able to find her. Yes I had told my kids from the time they were babies that there was a donor. I believe kids should be told. When I Facebook messaged the donor just to confirm that I had found her, she was quite upset because she wanted to remain anonymous (my guess is she never told her own family that she had donated). Anyway , I told the kids that she doesn’t want to be contacted. But we know her name and one of my kids from time to time googles to see what she is up to ( and she has always been online and findable). Same child joined ancestry when she was 18 and we are hoping to someday find what I think could be four half-siblings. So , OP, you should get your dna on ancestry! And thank you for being a donor

Wow that's f&cked up that you did that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My three donor-egg-conceived children are now 23, 20 and 20. Donor wanted to be anonymous in 2001 but I got very good at google and was able to find her. Yes I had told my kids from the time they were babies that there was a donor. I believe kids should be told. When I Facebook messaged the donor just to confirm that I had found her, she was quite upset because she wanted to remain anonymous (my guess is she never told her own family that she had donated). Anyway , I told the kids that she doesn’t want to be contacted. But we know her name and one of my kids from time to time googles to see what she is up to ( and she has always been online and findable). Same child joined ancestry when she was 18 and we are hoping to someday find what I think could be four half-siblings. So , OP, you should get your dna on ancestry! And thank you for being a donor

She gave you 3 beautiful kids, why didn't you respect her wish?