First year at public school. Child struggling.

[Anonymous]

Hi! My kid is at their first year at middle school and first year at a public school. They are really really struggling socially. First time in the district as well so no prior friends.

At what point do we just go broke to put them back into a private Christian school?

Anyone been there? Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Why is your child struggling and how do you think a Christian school would improve the situation?

[Anonymous]

Can you ask the teacher for help? A group project where the teacher assigns the kid to work with kids more open to. being friendly? A buddy? Lunch bunch? There are a lot of things that can be done to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your child struggling and how do you think a Christian school would improve the situation?

My kid feels like the kids in this particular school are more abrasive, threatening fights, demanding food and candy, cussing, pushing, bullying.

We have never experienced this in private although I am sure it exists as well. In the private at least they reinforce praying and morals everyday. Idk. I’m just lost. Kid and I are in tears.

We are just broke and can’t really afford it anymore. I guess we could if we move to a smaller home etc.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. One thing to consider is that the transition to middle school is always tough. Private doesn’t necessarily shield your kids from this stage of life - been there, done that, & it was still rocky at a catholic school. So I think some of the issues are the age cohort, not the school profile.

[Anonymous]

OP,

There are conservative families in publics, whose kids do not swear or fight, who don't have a social media presence, don't sneak out of the house or drink at parties.

You seem woefully ignorant on what publics are like. You should have prepared your child for this type of environment. Middle school was always going to be a difficult time anyway, in any school.

Stay strong. Your kid will survive and thrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you ask the teacher for help? A group project where the teacher assigns the kid to work with kids more open to. being friendly? A buddy? Lunch bunch? There are a lot of things that can be done to help.

I would at least try this. A former classmate left his public school for private school precisely because the school either could not or would not stop the verbal and (documented) physical abuse. So I understand how tough this can be.

The other options are to find a different, more affordable, private school (possibly secular) or return to the one you left.

I am totally sympathetic to DC’s situation, but public schools often (not always) are rougher than private schools. This is simply because privates have an easier time getting rid of badly behaved students than any public school does (although sometimes some privates will choose not to get rid of the behavior problems). There is no panacea, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

What was your plan for integrating this student into a new school? Clubs to join? teams to try out for? It’s not Kindergarden - students at this age are expected to make their own friends but having a structured vehicle to do so helps.

[Anonymous]

OP, private is almost always better. We couldn't afford it anymore and moved to public for high school. No bullying, but kid has no friends and is very unhappy. We considered transferring to another school nearby (this is allowed in many cases, if the nearby school is not overcrowded), but ultimately DS didn't want to move again. But if your DS is really miserable, you might try it. Bullying is no ok. If I had to, I would work more or move to a smaller home or find a cheaper private (or one that gives more aid).

[Anonymous]

Can your kid join some clubs or activities where they might meet some kids who have similar interests (and are less likely to have behavioral issues)? So sorry that it seems that people have to pay for private just so their kids aren't exposed to fighting, bad language, and behavior problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your child struggling and how do you think a Christian school would improve the situation?

My kid feels like the kids in this particular school are more abrasive, threatening fights, demanding food and candy, cussing, pushing, bullying.

We have never experienced this in private although I am sure it exists as well. In the private at least they reinforce praying and morals everyday. Idk. I’m just lost. Kid and I are in tears.

We are just broke and can’t really afford it anymore. I guess we could if we move to a smaller home etc.

This doesn't sound like anything my middle schooler reports. I have never heard about a fight at school. Last week I heard some 6th grade boys got in trouble for making a plan to overuse the bathroom pass, but it was more silly than aggressive. This particular teacher's class is exceedingly boring and the kids were looking for something to do to entertain themselves. Kids do like and trade candy at lunch, but not in a threatening way.

I think your kid needs to find a way to socialize in a controlled setting. Have they joined any clubs or sports? They could volunteer for the school play, for example. No one is going to threaten, fight or bully them at play practice. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

There are conservative families in publics, whose kids do not swear or fight, who don't have a social media presence, don't sneak out of the house or drink at parties.

You seem woefully ignorant on what publics are like. You should have prepared your child for this type of environment. Middle school was always going to be a difficult time anyway, in any school.

Stay strong. Your kid will survive and thrive.

I'm not sure what conservative has to do with kids not swearing, fighting, having social media, or behaving poorly. Some of the most poorly behaved kids in my child's social circle come from very conservative, religious families. We are non-religious and our children are rule followers without social media and no bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Has your child even made an effort to make friends? It's not hard for a quiet, well behaved kid to find his group, but he needs to make an effort to join some clubs, etc.

[Anonymous]

I moved right before middle school, so I sympathize with your kid. Being the new kid, knowing no one in middle school is very hard. I don’t think that is a private vs public issue, just a new kid and school level issue.

My kids swear by the “at least one friend in every class” rule. While you may not get along with everyone or even most people, there will be at least one kid in every class that you can get along with. Help your kid brainstorm through each class period who they like the best in each class and make a real effort to increase their connection to that kid. If you do this for 8 class periods you will end up with eight new friends.

If your kid legitimately can’t think of any kid in their (for example) math class that they like at all, ask the math teacher for a suggestion. The teachers will often pair up kids into groups and if they know that someone is trying to make friends can help with that.

[Anonymous]

I will never understand people who pay for private school for elementary school instead of saving up for private medical or high school instead. Unless the kid is dyslexic or something.