Did things calm down after divorce finalized?

[Anonymous]

XH is making my life hell during the divorce process. It has gone on a year and a half now. I thought once the process was over, things would subside, but I just listened to a podcast about high conflict people, and it said the divorce date is just a blip on the calendar. If anything, high conflict people will keep dragging things out. In your experience, has this been true or not?

[Anonymous]

I am divorced from my high-conflict, personality-disordered ex and unfortunately, no, things didn't calm down because there are children involved. It has been an ongoing nightmare. The same is true for two friends of mine in the same situation. We support each other in our situations. Look up One Mom's Battle; you will find a lot of helpful resources and information.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Same situation as above poster

[Anonymous]

If your ex is high conflict NPD, you need to go low contact - i.e. only to communicate regarding kids. Nothing else will work. Ex will continue to try and make your life hell and ruin your peace. Sorry you are in this too.

[Anonymous]

You don't mention kids. Would have been all calm without kids as I wanted noting but out.
With kids, it was a big fight both times.
I backed completely off and one ex calmed down. Hard to fight if nobody engages with them.
The other one ended up fighting within himself as I didn't engage at all. I already had experience that not engaging is the way to go.
Ex is no more and we are safe.
I couldn't fight because of risk to safety to all of us. I was criticized by so many for not fighting.
None of those recognized the danger as they didn't know him.

[Anonymous]

Agree with previous posters. I’m almost 6 years out, fully divorced, and have paid 6 figures to my lawyer in 2024 alone. Buckle up bc it won’t be over until your last child is 18.

[Anonymous]

Not been true with me. My high conflict ex was a problem after the divorce (because he was busy trying to get into a serious relationship and ignored the kids) then he was a problem when his girlfriend started becoming more involved in the kids lives. I had to fight them both on most things they wanted, they lost, and now they quiet and no longer high conflict.

[Anonymous]

There is the potential for it to get worse the minute either of you have a new SO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your ex is high conflict NPD, you need to go low contact - i.e. only to communicate regarding kids. Nothing else will work. Ex will continue to try and make your life hell and ruin your peace. Sorry you are in this too.

Interesting. The prevalence of NPD was be very high -- I think every divorced woman I know was married to one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not been true with me. My high conflict ex was a problem after the divorce (because he was busy trying to get into a serious relationship and ignored the kids) then he was a problem when his girlfriend started becoming more involved in the kids lives. I had to fight them both on most things they wanted, they lost, and now they quiet and no longer high conflict.

You fought them legally? Or just through arguing?

[Anonymous]

I have only fought legally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have only fought legally.

Why did they lose? And how are your kids? Do they see your ex regularly?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Yes, one of my children sees the dad more regularly and the other has chosen not to. They have fought on odd things like changing the custody schedule or provisions in the agreement to suit them and their schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have only fought legally.

Why did they lose? And how are your kids? Do they see your ex regularly?

Because she probably told lies. Said she ran off her kids father.