Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?

[Anonymous]

Three kids under six. One spouse commutes and is home 6pm-7:30 am. Other spouse wfh and is off for the day after pickup. Considering a schedule where wfh spouse moves out and comes to pick up kids at 7:30, picks them up from school and drops them off at 6 having fed them. Then wfh spouse has them Saturday at noon for the rest of the weekend (so two nights total a week at their place). No acrimony between stbx spouses.

[Anonymous]

The parent who drives them to school, picks them up and feeds them should probably have full custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parent who drives them to school, picks them up and feeds them should probably have full custody.

Well the other parent feeds them breakfast, makes lunches and bathes them and puts them to bed so it's not that simple.

[Anonymous]

I've seen this happen with ex's who lived across the street from each other. 50/50 custody. As the kids got older they went back and forth as it suited their day/activities. Mom and Dad were flexible. Even the kid's dog was included. It was good for about 5 years.

Is what you want now reasonable for the long term? Are you both ready to commit to it?

[Anonymous]

Yeah it’s called a healthy marriage and relationship the kids get to see both parents every day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah it’s called a healthy marriage and relationship the kids get to see both parents every day

Sounds nice! Unfortunately that's not possible and I'm asking for help while in a really vulnerable place. I hope someday when you're in the same someone extends you kindness instead of judgement.

[Anonymous]

If you live very close together (as in less than a 5 minue walk) then it could work otherwise it seems to just be using the wfh parent as a driver and and a way to limit nights at their place to probably try to get more child support.

The non wfh parent seems to see this as they should have the kids anytime they are home and the wfh parent gets the leftover crumbs. Seems more like the wfh parent is seen as a nanny and not an actual parent.

Where would wfh parent take them when they are picked up at 7:30? Is their role just to drive there, pick them up, and ferry them to school? Does their school start shortly after 7:30.

This plan seems like it is being done with only one person's interests in mind (the parent gone all day) and not considering the kids or the wfh parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you live very close together (as in less than a 5 minue walk) then it could work otherwise it seems to just be using the wfh parent as a driver and and a way to limit nights at their place to probably try to get more child support.

The non wfh parent seems to see this as they should have the kids anytime they are home and the wfh parent gets the leftover crumbs. Seems more like the wfh parent is seen as a nanny and not an actual parent.

Where would wfh parent take them when they are picked up at 7:30? Is their role just to drive there, pick them up, and ferry them to school? Does their school start shortly after 7:30.

This plan seems like it is being done with only one person's interests in mind (the parent gone all day) and not considering the kids or the wfh parent.

Actually the wfh parents gets way more time with the kids- 1 hr in morning and 3 hrs after school with oldest kid, 6 hours after school with younger two, vs 2 hours a day total for commuting parent. Wfh parent will be the one receiving child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you live very close together (as in less than a 5 minue walk) then it could work otherwise it seems to just be using the wfh parent as a driver and and a way to limit nights at their place to probably try to get more child support.

The non wfh parent seems to see this as they should have the kids anytime they are home and the wfh parent gets the leftover crumbs. Seems more like the wfh parent is seen as a nanny and not an actual parent.

Where would wfh parent take them when they are picked up at 7:30? Is their role just to drive there, pick them up, and ferry them to school? Does their school start shortly after 7:30.

This plan seems like it is being done with only one person's interests in mind (the parent gone all day) and not considering the kids or the wfh parent.

Actually the wfh parents gets way more time with the kids- 1 hr in morning and 3 hrs after school with oldest kid, 6 hours after school with younger two, vs 2 hours a day total for commuting parent. Wfh parent will be the one receiving child support.

Is the commuting parent planning on paying the WFH parent as a childcare provider?

I think that if the commuting parent pays the WFH parent enough alimony or childcare payments to let them continue to work very part time, then a plan where the WFH parent continues to be the daytime childcare provider can make sense, but nights should still be closer to 50/50.

[Anonymous]

I guess it makes me wonder what happens when the eldest has after-school activities and weekend activities? How does that work with the little one's nap? This kind of thing is why people with so many small children don't divorce-- the logistics are a nightmare.

Is the wfh parent ok with hardly any weekend time? No day trips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it makes me wonder what happens when the eldest has after-school activities and weekend activities? How does that work with the little one's nap? This kind of thing is why people with so many small children don't divorce-- the logistics are a nightmare.

Is the wfh parent ok with hardly any weekend time? No day trips?

The wfh parent has the kids all weekend except Saturday mornings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess it makes me wonder what happens when the eldest has after-school activities and weekend activities? How does that work with the little one's nap? This kind of thing is why people with so many small children don't divorce-- the logistics are a nightmare.

Is the wfh parent ok with hardly any weekend time? No day trips?

The wfh parent has the kids all weekend except Saturday mornings.

Oh right. So is the other parent ok with hardly any weekend time?

[Anonymous]

It seems like the balance of time when the children are awake is heavily weighted towards the wfh parent. Is that on purpose?

[Anonymous]

I think this could work well for a while. The only issue I see here is that RTO parent doesn’t get a full weekend day. So you may want to have WFH parent do Thursday and Friday nights instead. Then RTO parent gets all of Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you live very close together (as in less than a 5 minue walk) then it could work otherwise it seems to just be using the wfh parent as a driver and and a way to limit nights at their place to probably try to get more child support.

The non wfh parent seems to see this as they should have the kids anytime they are home and the wfh parent gets the leftover crumbs. Seems more like the wfh parent is seen as a nanny and not an actual parent.

Where would wfh parent take them when they are picked up at 7:30? Is their role just to drive there, pick them up, and ferry them to school? Does their school start shortly after 7:30.

This plan seems like it is being done with only one person's interests in mind (the parent gone all day) and not considering the kids or the wfh parent.

I really disagree. if the parents can pull this off, it’s an arrangement that provides a lot of consistency for the kids while seeing both parents a lot of the time. It is unconventional and does involve the WFH parent being willing to do a lot of back & forth, but also capitalizes on the greater flexibility of their job.