23 and me

[Anonymous]

My 18YO says many friends are doing this and DC is thinking about it. Wrinkle: I adopted this child and wonder if/how genetic siblings and others might reach out.

I adopted my baby from a state with a registry where birth parents can register to connect with a child they placed for adoption. Due to agency’s sloppy paperwork, I have always known birth parents’ names and old (still current?) address. I have no issue with that direct connection, just do not who else might appear.

I know nothing about 23 and me, not even the cost. Has anyone BTDT when an adopted child becomes an adult?

[Anonymous]

My best friend’s brother was reconnected with his birth daughter. Both birth parents had other child via their marriages (to separate adults). No other siblings.

[Anonymous]

They just had a walk out, they are not to be trusted. There are questions about what will be done with all the private info they hold. People who have used them can go on and delete their info, and should do so immediately .
That being said, most adopted kids have access to trustworthy searches for free, ask at the agency.
Mine are adopted too.

[Anonymous]

My understanding is 23 and Me is in bankruptcy and looking for a buyer. I don't know any specifics, such as regulations on what the buyer can or cannot do with all the DNA data.

[Anonymous]

If he is looking for that info and you already have it, why not just offer it to him. That data is totally unregulated at this point and could affect things like insurance rates for his children (totally hypothetical but also possible).

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t use 23 and me but he’s 18 and should be allowed to make that decision for himself. Is he interested in reaching out to siblings or just wants to know his ancestry? He can decide how much or little to get in touch with potential relatives.

[Anonymous]

I have an adopted child too OP and worry about this. She is the result of an assault and bio father is unknown. I’m concerned about his family finding her. I’m not sure how the site works though.

[Anonymous]

We gifted each of our kids ancestry.com. Only one actually did it. No results but she was happy to know her nationality.

And after each adoption, I made a book for each kid that contained all of the information I have about their birth parents, history and adoption. It contains everything I could think of to help with their birth parent searches should they decide to go that route. It sits on a shelf in our living room so they don’t have to ask to access it. I am not sure why you wouldn’t share the info you have since it seems important to your child.

Finally, SIL did ancestry.com and found cousins that no one knew about. We’ve
Connected with them. They are in our lives in a distant manner - see them once every other year, follow each other on Facebook kind of thing, which isn’t that different than with other cousins.

[Anonymous]

I will make all the information I have about my children (adopted at birth) when they are adults. I used to think I’d give it if asked, but they may not feel comfortable asking for it even though I’ve told them I’d understand. If there are siblings, I hope it’s a positive relationship. It’s their information, just help them understand it may or may not be a good result and support as best you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will make all the information I have about my children (adopted at birth) available when they are adults. I used to think I’d give it if asked, but they may not feel comfortable asking for it even though I’ve told them I’d understand. If there are siblings, I hope it’s a positive relationship. It’s their information, just help them understand it may or may not be a good result and support as best you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 18YO says many friends are doing this and DC is thinking about it. Wrinkle: I adopted this child and wonder if/how genetic siblings and others might reach out.

I adopted my baby from a state with a registry where birth parents can register to connect with a child they placed for adoption. Due to agency’s sloppy paperwork, I have always known birth parents’ names and old (still current?) address. I have no issue with that direct connection, just do not who else might appear.

I know nothing about 23 and me, not even the cost. Has anyone BTDT when an adopted child becomes an adult?

The person decides whether to make themselves available to be contacted by biological relatives. Have you asked him what he’s looking for? Would he be willing to talk to a professional to prepare for whatever might happen, whether positive or not? My biggest fear for my kids is to feel rejected by their bio parents, so I’d want to prepare for that just in case.

But it could be great for him, OP. I’d be thrilled for my kids to reconnect with their bio parents and any siblings if it’s healthy and loving for them.

[Anonymous]

If your kid wants their DNA on the Dark Web forever, sure, go ahead.

[Anonymous]

I would be hesitant to use that service but I would provide them with all the information you have and let them decide. We have an open adoption and know everyone involved. We keep in contact with the maternal side. There is some questions to the birthfather but I know how to contact them and have shown my child their social media (the child has no interest in him given the situation) but if there was contact I'd want a paternity test. Don't keep secrets. They will find out one way or another with easy access to these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 18YO says many friends are doing this and DC is thinking about it. Wrinkle: I adopted this child and wonder if/how genetic siblings and others might reach out.

I adopted my baby from a state with a registry where birth parents can register to connect with a child they placed for adoption. Due to agency’s sloppy paperwork, I have always known birth parents’ names and old (still current?) address. I have no issue with that direct connection, just do not who else might appear.

I know nothing about 23 and me, not even the cost. Has anyone BTDT when an adopted child becomes an adult?

The person decides whether to make themselves available to be contacted by biological relatives. Have you asked him what he’s looking for? Would he be willing to talk to a professional to prepare for whatever might happen, whether positive or not? My biggest fear for my kids is to feel rejected by their bio parents, so I’d want to prepare for that just in case.

But it could be great for him, OP. I’d be thrilled for my kids to reconnect with their bio parents and any siblings if it’s healthy and loving for them.

You need to start preparing them young. My child's birthfather rejected them. Honestly, they don't care. They know about all the siblings I know about that I found online and I'm very open and honest about what happened. They don't want contact so its a non-issue. They aren't impacted at all by it. Different kids handle things differently.

[Anonymous]

I'd do Ancestry, not 23. Too much uncertainty about the company's future and data security.

That said...it's been a joy and blessing to be in ruinion with my family separated by adoption and reunited through DNA matching. I am closer to my reunited sister and her family than I am to the brother I gre up with. Kinship bonds are not a threat to adoptive parents. A connection to ancestors and to extended kin can be so meaningful and important.