Does a person have to agree in order to go into assisted living?

[Anonymous]

FIL (90) has been in short term rehab after a series of incidents (falls, pneumonia, UTI, etc.). He is unable to get himself to the bathroom and cannot dress himself or take care of his activities of daily living. Sometimes he is completely lucid but other times he is hallucinating and certainly does not remember having recent conversations with MIL or any of us about his care. Medicare is releasing him on Sunday from rehab because he’s successfully walked 40 steps with a walker 2 days in a row. MIL is a bit younger but not physically able to care for him anymore. FIL refuses to hire anyone to help MIL with his things…but “she can hire someone to help her clean and unload the dishwasher”. FIL has no idea how hard it has been on her trying to care for him over the past several months. Many trips via ambulance to the ER, constant bathroom accidents resulting in a ton of laundry, not to mention he’s going to fall and take her down too and break her hip. He says he will check himself out of rehab on Sunday and take a taxi home if he has to, but he is not under any circumstance going to go to an assisted living place.

As his spouse, can MIL legally put him in AL if he is refusing? Or does she have to have durable power of attorney for healthcare in place? DH is prepared to go to the courthouse on Monday and get him declared incompetent if it comes to that. Does anyone know what our options are here? BTW, we’ve tried the “it’s just temporary for a week or so until we can get the house ready” excuses and FIL is not buying it.

[Anonymous]

Technically yes, but if he is of sound mind, it will be hard. I put my MIL in a nursing home but she had dementia and couldn't care for herself. She didn't agree.

You have to file paperwork and it takes months to get guardianship and his wife should do it, not son.

He needs a nursing home, not assisted living. He needs memory care.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the social worker and head nurse at the facility where he is now. See what they suggest. They may be able to stop him from being released. If they feel it’s unsafe they may be able to help her have him sent to assisted living. Otherwise MIL needs an attorney or adult protective services in her area to advise her. The best thing is if she can prevent him from being released from rehab until she can get this resolved. Make sure she uses words like unsafe home environment and unable to perform activities of daily living (toileting, dressing, etc.) and there is nobody at home to assist.

[Anonymous]

APS will not get involved. He is not being abused or neglected.

[Anonymous]

No.

Tell him you are hiring someone to help his wife. That's how we got elder care into my parents' house.

Then she should refuse to help him walk and have the aide do it instead.

[Anonymous]

Assisted living will not be able to cater to his needs. I would hire an assistant for your mil while you work out next steps.

[Anonymous]

Is there a thing where relatives can refuse the transfer back home? You need to tell the case manager that the home environment is unsafe, and that the patient is delusional when he claims that his wife can look after him. She cannot. Maybe present a signed affidavit from her or something.

[Anonymous]

^^ this. Reiterate that it is not safe at home, they will help you find an appropriate placement and explain to him why he can't go home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a thing where relatives can refuse the transfer back home? You need to tell the case manager that the home environment is unsafe, and that the patient is delusional when he claims that his wife can look after him. She cannot. Maybe present a signed affidavit from her or something.

+1
Infirm the discharge planner that you are concerned that this is an unsafe discharge. Explain that there is not sufficient help at home and see what they recommend.

[Anonymous]

I’d be surprised if assisted
Living would take him. He sounds like he needs skilled nursing.

But unless he’s incompetent, he has to agree

[Anonymous]

Don't let them release him! This is your opportunity. You make a big case for why it is unsafe for him to be home. She can make it clear she cannot care for him. Be adamant. They cannot release him to an unsafe situation. That is your chance for a placement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:APS will not get involved. He is not being abused or neglected.

Agree, but the wife is clearly being abused in carrying for him when the demands exceed her capacity and possibly puts her own life @ risk.

[Anonymous]

Tell social worker where he is now that he cannot go home as there is no one to care for him. It is not safe or him. Reuse to take him home, they will find a place for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell social worker where he is now that he cannot go home as there is no one to care for him. It is not safe or him. Reuse to take him home, they will find a place for him.

Rehab can’t keep him either if he doesn’t agree. Also if he stays, they pay.

The other problem OP is going to face is that a court will be hard pressed to declare FIL incompetent if the doctors haven’t. OP would do better trying to get doctors at the rehab to declare him incompetent. It takes two doctors to sign off on it.

Hard as this is, MIL may need to refuse to help if you cannot get doctors to declare him incompetent.

[Anonymous]

Technically, they are not legally allowed to release him into an unsafe environment. But in reality they do it all the time. So it all depends on what the discharge planner does.