What defines a close friend or a best friend?

[Anonymous]

I have a circle of three friends from school decades ago that refer to our group as best friends. Every week someone seems to reference social media posts with sayings about cherishing your best friends and shares it to the group. At Christmas they will give gifts that say things like “Best Friends are more than friends, they’re Sisters”. I feel terrible for feeling like they feel more strongly about our friendship than I do.

We’ve never babysat each other’s children and don’t have spouse/boyfriend contact information saved into our phones, we do not share credit cards or keep keys to each others houses or do more than text each day about social media or television shows and see each other Quarterly. They are an amazing group but the older I get, I really wonder if we are “best friends” or just a group of friends. I see and hear many examples of what people seem best friends on podcasts and television.

What makes someone your best friend? A close friend? How do you define it?

[Anonymous]

For me, it's not about who's up-to-date on my latest, but more who would be, and would be allowed to be, in a heartbeat if the excrement hit the air conditioning. My best friends are also old friends, junior high, some of them, and are all over the world at this point. We're not up-to-the-minute on each other's lives. But when my friend's marriage was falling apart a few years back, we were all in Colorado to help her sort through the rubble. When I've needed "OMG, someone talk me down" wisdom, these are the people I'd call. The roots run deep.

You wrote: "We’ve never babysat each other’s children and don’t have spouse/boyfriend contact information saved into our phones, we do not share credit cards or keep keys to each others houses..."

My besties wouldn't meet that threshold either.

"...or do more than text each day about social media or television shows and see each other Quarterly."

Yeah, I haven't seen some of mine in a lot longer than that, unfortunately. But if my life were to go to pieces tomorrow? They're the calls I'd make, and I know they'd show up, get caught up, and help me clean up as best they could. And I'd let them, knowing that love is judgment-free, drama-free, and string-free, because they've repeatedly shown me. Trust is built with consistent behavior over time, not recent intensity.

[Anonymous]

Are 11?

[Anonymous]

Are *you* 11?

[Anonymous]

I consider two of my childhood friends and one friend from my early 20s my close friends, in the sense if they needed help, they could ask me to get on a plane and I would. Even though we haven't seen each other much over the years, I will always care about them deeply.

[Anonymous]

I have a sister, a friend from college and a friend I met when my oldest was in kindergarten who I could call at anytime with any ask and they will help. These are people who my kids know they can call in an emergency and who we have traveled with on vacation. These three women are my best friends.

[Anonymous]

Best Friends is the label the others have put on the group. You would put another label on it like Close Friends. In the end, the relationship itself doesn't change regardless what you call it.