Autism diagnosis as teen

[Anonymous]

My son had level one late diagnosis as a teen. Today I noticed he was trying to send an email just like a text to adult in an authority position. I tried to coach him to include a salutation and thank that adult who thinks he was taking care of somethings for him ( Team activity and the adult here is the coach) My son didn’t understand the need for it. I tried to explain it to him. He was in tears and said why didn’t you teach me these things when I was a kid I saw all the other kids being much more polite than me. his question broke my heart he is right I never really taught him as a kid of these things. I mostly picked up these things myself as a kid and I assumed he would too. I did notice that he doesn’t greet others when he meets them. He was always socially shy so I didn’t push him. We feel like a failure is it too late to those skills, he is in high school . We got a diagnosis last year which makes it clear that he needed a lot of support. May be I was in denial but I did try my best took him to different specialists depending on his struggles but no one pointed to Autism until now.

[Anonymous]

The right answer here is that plenty of people taught him, but it doesn't come easily and that's OK. He's working on it now

[Anonymous]

Similar experience here—kid was diagnosed at age 16. Soooo many things I didn’t realize they didn’t get. I try not to beat myself up over the past, and focus on teaching them the things now…

Agree with PP, so many things don’t come easily.

[Anonymous]

Don’t beat yourself up. We do our very best with the knowledge we have. My DC in high school needed to be shown how to use a house key. By junior year of college, they managed to study abroad for a semester! The skill acquisition speeds up as the brain develops. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Even if you taught it all, he might not have been receptive at the time. Sometimes too much "teaching" starts to feel like criticism and can erode a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Curious for those who had late diagnosis what kind of services and support you got for your DC?

[Anonymous]

Whether or not he has a diagnosis all kids need to be taught manners.

[Anonymous]

Autism can be an ongoing thing, as much science points to it being environmental. In simple terms, it could be getting worse by exposure.
Read up on it. There are a few reasons it is rapidly increasing, and it's not just loose diagnosing.
It's too late for exposure when he was a fetus and a child, but he can limit enviro-toxins and causes from here on with some minor lifestyle changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son had level one late diagnosis as a teen. Today I noticed he was trying to send an email just like a text to adult in an authority position. I tried to coach him to include a salutation and thank that adult who thinks he was taking care of somethings for him ( Team activity and the adult here is the coach) My son didn’t understand the need for it. I tried to explain it to him. He was in tears and said why didn’t you teach me these things when I was a kid I saw all the other kids being much more polite than me. his question broke my heart he is right I never really taught him as a kid of these things. I mostly picked up these things myself as a kid and I assumed he would too. I did notice that he doesn’t greet others when he meets them. He was always socially shy so I didn’t push him. We feel like a failure is it too late to those skills, he is in high school . We got a diagnosis last year which makes it clear that he needed a lot of support. May be I was in denial but I did try my best took him to different specialists depending on his struggles but no one pointed to Autism until now.

You picked up those things from other parents who took time to teach their kids.

[Anonymous]

We got a somewhat late diagnosis. I completely understand why you’re beating yourself up (been there), but the truth is that if your ds is so high functioning that specialists missed the diagnosis for years, then most interventions for autism wouldn’t have been appropriate or helpful for your son anyway. Your ds just needs practical, hands-on coaching for social interactions, which is what you’re giving him. The best things he can do now are to pay attention to the behaviors modeled by others and to speak up and ask questions when he’s not sure what kind of response is called for in a situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son had level one late diagnosis as a teen. Today I noticed he was trying to send an email just like a text to adult in an authority position. I tried to coach him to include a salutation and thank that adult who thinks he was taking care of somethings for him ( Team activity and the adult here is the coach) My son didn’t understand the need for it. I tried to explain it to him. He was in tears and said why didn’t you teach me these things when I was a kid I saw all the other kids being much more polite than me. his question broke my heart he is right I never really taught him as a kid of these things. I mostly picked up these things myself as a kid and I assumed he would too. I did notice that he doesn’t greet others when he meets them. He was always socially shy so I didn’t push him. We feel like a failure is it too late to those skills, he is in high school . We got a diagnosis last year which makes it clear that he needed a lot of support. May be I was in denial but I did try my best took him to different specialists depending on his struggles but no one pointed to Autism until now.

I don’t believe he is autistic. It’s becoming the new adhd over diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if you taught it all, he might not have been receptive at the time. Sometimes too much "teaching" starts to feel like criticism and can erode a relationship.

This. This is what we faced with an ADHD teen who is big in to blaming us now. It was just such a tricky balancing act. We succeeded in some things and failed in others. It had been tough. I would accept the criticism without over justifying it, but try to get everyone, yourself included, focused on the future.

[Anonymous]

I'm case it helps you feel better, it's a widespread problem, so your child is not alone. I have many friends in academia who gripe about college students who email them as if they were texting. No honorifics, salutations, or sign offs, just a basic demand.

I try to teach my AuDHD kid to avoid this and they just think I'm being old fashioned. "No one emails like that, mom." They should teach it at school!