Is it wrong to take payment for activities?

[Anonymous]

My seventh grader is getting to the stage where they want to invite a friend to everything. Family outings to an amusement park, concerts, etc. I sometimes don't mind an extra kid coming along, but sometimes if it's an event we budgeted carefully for, the extra cost feels too high. Part of the reason we had one kid was economics. Spouse and I are not in high earning fields.

I mentioned the cost being a factor about an upcoming outing to a show in DC plus dinner, etc. (the tickets were actually a gift from grandparents who have moved away from physical gifts to experiences, not necessarily something I would have splurged on myself). The middle schooler said, I already talked to friend and they saw there were still tickets available and the friend would pay their way.

I was taught that if you're inviting, you cover the cost, but is it common to accept money for these type of outings? I'd be able to say yes to friends coming more often that way but it feels awkward to take money from a child.

[Anonymous]

You didn't ask, the friend offered. That's fine. They'll buy the ticket.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same. If I invite someone then I pay. Since the tickets were a gift it will be easier paying for her. And go to an inexpensive restaurant.

Tell your daughter sometimes it’s just you and sometimes she can ask a friend.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends. It's awkward to have someone invite your child somewhere and the cost is very high because then you have to turn it down due to cost. It's even more awkward if you're not sure who is supposed to pay.

[Anonymous]

In my circles, the guest pays for their ticket but I'm happy to cover parking and dinner. It just needs to be communicated early. Hey - the girls want to go to X. Tickets are $xx each. I'm happy to take them if Larla wants to join Carla.

[Anonymous]

I’d tell child not to go around you again but let the friend buy their ticket this time, since they already talked and already offered. But for future budging, having an only child means the kid will want to bring a friend a lot in the next few years and that seems fair to me. It ends in mid high school when they do more without you, so family events are more rare and ok to do without a friend.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine. And it’s fine to set it up that way. You take my kid— I am happy to pay

[Anonymous]

Since it was offered upfront and is a more expensive outing, totally fine to accept the $.

[Anonymous]

People pay their own way these days. Rarely do parents pick up the tab for something unless it’s a birthday celebration. So rest assured, it’s completely ok for your kid to communicate the cost of something and to say Venmo it.

[Anonymous]

I always pay and usually the friend's parents pay except when its expensive. We've been invited to expensive things and just declined when asked to pay so its ok to ask but just phrase it in a way understanding of cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn't ask, the friend offered. That's fine. They'll buy the ticket.

+1 This is fine.

In the future, you could coordinate with the other parent. "It looks like there's a performance at xyz on whatever date and tix are $50 each. Should we take the girls?" Or "The girls want to go to xyz and tix are $50 each. I'd be happy to give them a ride."

Your DD is getting to the age where kids meet up to do stuff without parents and pay their own way. By the time they're driving, you'll never be included again lol.

[Anonymous]

Something like this needs to be coordinated with the parents. Do the parents know they are expected to buy the ticket?

[Anonymous]

The rule is that the person who invited pays all the planned costs that weren't agreed upon to split in advance, and the guest contributes something appropriate to enhance the experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since it was offered upfront and is a more expensive outing, totally fine to accept the $.

Yes this. It's great when people take initiative and offer to organize an outing, invite my kid etc. I always offer to pay and unless cost is de minimus the other parent usually says sure and we just Venmo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since it was offered upfront and is a more expensive outing, totally fine to accept the $.

+1 covering the extra dinner cost is more than adequate.