Do you still worry about your kids?

[Anonymous]

I am constantly worried about my kids. When I was a young adult I don't think my parents ever worried. They were fine not knowing how I'd find a place to live (even at 19!), didn't think to ask if I had money for food. Meanwhile I am the opposite now (maybe as a reaction to this) I constantly worry about whether they are doing well emotionally and physically, how school is going, do they have what they need, what I can do for them...But I wish I were less like this. Will this stop once they are in college?

[Anonymous]

My kids are both in college. When I know they are struggling with a problem then, yes, I worry. But most of the time our weekly conversations + occasional texts let me know that school is going well, they have good friends, they are doing what they need to do and so I don't worry.

[Anonymous]

Back in my day parents had too many kids to worry about each little challenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back in my day parents had too many kids to worry about each little challenge.

So true. Humans have it really easy these days, and having no real adversity in most human's lives now tends to lead people down the path of anxiety and worrying about things they shouldn't bother about.

[Anonymous]

I know my parents worried when I was a young adult. They still worry occasionally, and I'm in my 40s.

I worry about my college kid and high schooler. I will likely worry less if they become established with good careers, and find themselves decent spouses. But there will always be the occasional worry. That's natural.

[Anonymous]

She's 21, living with her boyfriend, working and going to college. I see her maybe once a month or every three or whenever. She's doing well. She's not as driven as I was, but is moving through life in a way that works for her. So I talk myself down from worrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back in my day parents had too many kids to worry about each little challenge.

Not only that but our parents couldn’t track us and were far less involved in our lives. And they expected we’d be independent by age 18.

I have one adult child with disabilities and I have to be pretty involved with his life. But with my others, I trust that they are competent and that I gave them the skills they need to be successful. I gave them a good start to life and now I expect that they will take care of themselves and I am confident that they will. I don’t spend much time at all worrying about them.

[Anonymous]

My parents still worry. My aunt was telling me how worried she was about her 2 boys this last weekend and they are 55 and 59.

[Anonymous]

For the most part:
They will call when they f#%ck up and need rescue, are sick, or extremely bored
They will text intermittently
They will call rarely

You worry less as time goes by. They f&#ck up less as they learn. You haven’t lived until you get the nightmare call from a rural European public hospital and have to organize their care while trying to travel to them, and as worried as you are, in the back of your mind, you’re also furious because the bf or the bff did not make sure they got to the private hospital for which you bought insurance (ahem totally made up example). This call comes after six weeks in which you received only two photos and one snarky response to an innocuous text.

Bad things are going to happen. You are going to have no control. It will feel less scary if you prepare them for independence. When they leave it’s a process. You will probably worry excessively. Just remind yourself it’s ok. You will be calmer as time passes. For most of us, we’ve seen our children almost every day for their entire lives, if they were at camp or vacationing with friends or family, you knew someone was watching over them. It’s natural that having them out there on their own feels scary.

Eventually they will mature a lot, and hopefully you hear from them more for happy reasons and not because they want you to fix something. They’re meant to be adults. If you end up with a functional adult, you did something right.

[Anonymous]

Of course I do! They are all successful and married with kids but they are still my children. I don’t lose sleep worrying about them but it’s in my DNA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course I do! They are all successful and married with kids but they are still my children. I don’t lose sleep worrying about them but it’s in my DNA.

Don’t worry…once you hit around 70+ it flips into reverse. Of course most of your kids will worry what your plan is to handle your elder years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course I do! They are all successful and married with kids but they are still my children. I don’t lose sleep worrying about them but it’s in my DNA.

My mother is 78 and was worried about me completing my homework for a class that I am taking for fun. Some things never change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I know my parents worried when I was a young adult. They still worry occasionally, and I'm in my 40s.

I worry about my college kid and high schooler. I will likely worry less if they become established with good careers, and find themselves decent spouses. But there will always be the occasional worry. That's natural.

+1

My parents have now said, after watching their grandparent friends and me/my siblings' families, that they were blessed with 3 kids who were good students who stayed out of trouble, and had no disorders or learning disabilities.

Unf that lucky background did not teach my brother and i to look out for invisible disorders. His wife is managing hers, my spouse is definitely not.