If you had a child as a single mom, how was your experience?

[Anonymous]

And would you recommend it for others? Also, what kind of financial issues, if any, lifestyle changes, difficulties, joys, did you face?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I adopted a newborn as a single woman (age 46.) This was 10 years ago. It has been amazing and cannot imagine life w/out my daughter. Finances can be tricky, but we manage. We do not live near family, but they are supportive (we visit, etc) and I have a strong local network of friends.

[Anonymous]

Following.

[Anonymous]

SMBC to 2 kids now 14 and 17. I would highly recommend it. I've loved every minute of raising my kids.

The good: It's all on me. I know what the expectations are and no one but me ever drops the ball. I can only blame myself.

The bad: I don't have anyone to bounce things off us. My parents are gone. I talk with my brother a lot about raising the kids but it would be nice to have someone as invested as me in their development.

Lifestyle changes: none except for having a child. I was 35 with my first and 38 with my second. I had already bought the TH in the good school district and was well into the mortgage by the time I decided to have kids. I used an in home daycare provider rather than a center. I also had a WFH job since before my oldest was born so I've always had flexibility. Lastly, I made over $100K before the kids were born. My biggest sacrifice has been my career trajectory but the kids are absolutely worth it. Now I'm at $275 and the house is paid off. The oldest is getting ready to go to college and life is pretty spectacular.

[Anonymous]

I adopted a toddler as a single mom. The joys do outweigh the challenges, but it can be difficult. Daycare is crazy expensive and even after that, there's aftercare and camps in the summer. My DD is now in her 20s, but there was a long period where I wasn't saving for retirement so I could meet all the expenses, so I now have less than I hoped.

One of most difficult aspects is how 24/7 the job is. There isn't much downtime, except for naps and when they go to bed. Even with a circle of friends or relatives, there were certainly times when she was young that I just wanted a break and there was nowhere to turn, particularly if I was sick.

But on the upside, we formed a very close bond with just the two of us, and experiencing all the joys of childhood, from bedtime stories to catching fireflies to trips to the beach, makes up for all the hard times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adopted a toddler as a single mom. The joys do outweigh the challenges, but it can be difficult. Daycare is crazy expensive and even after that, there's aftercare and camps in the summer. My DD is now in her 20s, but there was a long period where I wasn't saving for retirement so I could meet all the expenses, so I now have less than I hoped.

One of most difficult aspects is how 24/7 the job is. There isn't much downtime, except for naps and when they go to bed. Even with a circle of friends or relatives, there were certainly times when she was young that I just wanted a break and there was nowhere to turn, particularly if I was sick.

But on the upside, we formed a very close bond with just the two of us, and experiencing all the joys of childhood, from bedtime stories to catching fireflies to trips to the beach, makes up for all the hard times.

Any reason you chose to adopt?

[Anonymous]

My husband left when kids were vey young. No involvement. It wasn’t what I chose or envisioned, but I loved it. I made a commitment to give 150 percent to parenting so they never felt like they missed out on anything. It was hard, and exhausting, but it is the best thing I have ever done or experienced. I think I’m closer to my kids than traditional families. Tight knit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adopted a toddler as a single mom. The joys do outweigh the challenges, but it can be difficult. Daycare is crazy expensive and even after that, there's aftercare and camps in the summer. My DD is now in her 20s, but there was a long period where I wasn't saving for retirement so I could meet all the expenses, so I now have less than I hoped.

One of most difficult aspects is how 24/7 the job is. There isn't much downtime, except for naps and when they go to bed. Even with a circle of friends or relatives, there were certainly times when she was young that I just wanted a break and there was nowhere to turn, particularly if I was sick.

But on the upside, we formed a very close bond with just the two of us, and experiencing all the joys of childhood, from bedtime stories to catching fireflies to trips to the beach, makes up for all the hard times.

Any reason you chose to adopt?

Would you ask that of a married couple?

[Anonymous]

single mom of a donor conceived almost 2 year old. There is a very active SMBC DMV FB page if you are in the area. I met a small group of people in the thinkers/tryers stage about 4 years ago and that network has been super helpful to me in terms of learning about IVF, choosing a donor, and now having a kid. There are so many in the area!

It's not always easy but I just can't imaging my life any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband left when kids were vey young. No involvement. It wasn’t what I chose or envisioned, but I loved it. I made a commitment to give 150 percent to parenting so they never felt like they missed out on anything. It was hard, and exhausting, but it is the best thing I have ever done or experienced. I think I’m closer to my kids than traditional families. Tight knit.

Same here although I was never married. I think people don’t expect a kid like mine to do as well as a kid from an “intact” family but he’s doing the same as any other kid. He’s in college now. The hardest part by far is the financial stuff. His dad finished paying CS at age 18 so college has been a huge stretch. My DS understands this and he has an excellent work ethic. He had two summer jobs this past summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adopted a toddler as a single mom. The joys do outweigh the challenges, but it can be difficult. Daycare is crazy expensive and even after that, there's aftercare and camps in the summer. My DD is now in her 20s, but there was a long period where I wasn't saving for retirement so I could meet all the expenses, so I now have less than I hoped.

One of most difficult aspects is how 24/7 the job is. There isn't much downtime, except for naps and when they go to bed. Even with a circle of friends or relatives, there were certainly times when she was young that I just wanted a break and there was nowhere to turn, particularly if I was sick.

But on the upside, we formed a very close bond with just the two of us, and experiencing all the joys of childhood, from bedtime stories to catching fireflies to trips to the beach, makes up for all the hard times.

Any reason you chose to adopt?

Would you ask that of a married couple?

Yes I would. I always wonder about people who adopt vs giving birth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adopted a toddler as a single mom. The joys do outweigh the challenges, but it can be difficult. Daycare is crazy expensive and even after that, there's aftercare and camps in the summer. My DD is now in her 20s, but there was a long period where I wasn't saving for retirement so I could meet all the expenses, so I now have less than I hoped.

One of most difficult aspects is how 24/7 the job is. There isn't much downtime, except for naps and when they go to bed. Even with a circle of friends or relatives, there were certainly times when she was young that I just wanted a break and there was nowhere to turn, particularly if I was sick.

But on the upside, we formed a very close bond with just the two of us, and experiencing all the joys of childhood, from bedtime stories to catching fireflies to trips to the beach, makes up for all the hard times.

Any reason you chose to adopt?

Would you ask that of a married couple?

Why are people so eager to be offended?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adopted a toddler as a single mom. The joys do outweigh the challenges, but it can be difficult. Daycare is crazy expensive and even after that, there's aftercare and camps in the summer. My DD is now in her 20s, but there was a long period where I wasn't saving for retirement so I could meet all the expenses, so I now have less than I hoped.

One of most difficult aspects is how 24/7 the job is. There isn't much downtime, except for naps and when they go to bed. Even with a circle of friends or relatives, there were certainly times when she was young that I just wanted a break and there was nowhere to turn, particularly if I was sick.

But on the upside, we formed a very close bond with just the two of us, and experiencing all the joys of childhood, from bedtime stories to catching fireflies to trips to the beach, makes up for all the hard times.

Any reason you chose to adopt?

Would you ask that of a married couple?

Yes I would. I always wonder about people who adopt vs giving birth

Because there are already so many kids out there that need homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adopted a toddler as a single mom. The joys do outweigh the challenges, but it can be difficult. Daycare is crazy expensive and even after that, there's aftercare and camps in the summer. My DD is now in her 20s, but there was a long period where I wasn't saving for retirement so I could meet all the expenses, so I now have less than I hoped.

One of most difficult aspects is how 24/7 the job is. There isn't much downtime, except for naps and when they go to bed. Even with a circle of friends or relatives, there were certainly times when she was young that I just wanted a break and there was nowhere to turn, particularly if I was sick.

But on the upside, we formed a very close bond with just the two of us, and experiencing all the joys of childhood, from bedtime stories to catching fireflies to trips to the beach, makes up for all the hard times.

Any reason you chose to adopt?

Would you ask that of a married couple?

Yes I would. I always wonder about people who adopt vs giving birth

NP here. What do you wonder about specifically?

[Anonymous]

Joyful and very hard.