Divorce Question

[Anonymous]

At what point do you simply stop caring about how your former spouse treats the kids? I have been divorced for several years and it still bothers me how checked out my ex is when it comes to caring for the kids. I wish it did not bother me.

[Anonymous]

How old? Get them therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what point do you simply stop caring about how your former spouse treats the kids? I have been divorced for several years and it still bothers me how checked out my ex is when it comes to caring for the kids. I wish it did not bother me.

You chose to have kids with him.

[Anonymous]

Never.

[Anonymous]

It's one of the reasons I stayed married - to intervene every time my oldest was verbally and psychologically harassed by his father. I even prevented two physical altercations, both started by my husband, by threatening to call the police and holding up my phone to record.

Now that my son is in college, I think I'm ready to think about leaving. My husband does not behave this way with our youngest. But I will always worry about his misuse of financial leverage over the kids. He has done that with me during our entire life together.

[Anonymous]

Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Now that my son is in college, I think I'm ready to think about leaving. My husband does not behave this way with our youngest. But I will always worry about his misuse of financial leverage over the kids. He has done that with me during our entire life together.

How has he “misused financial leverage” against you? I myself am trying to determine where to draw the line between healthy financial discipline as a family and manipulative behavior

[Anonymous]

It really turns into a teaching moment for the kids.

Not every human has the capacity for parenting, love, etc.

They need to find good things they can share with that parent that makes them feel loved. It might be as simple as watching football together on Sunday.

I think with therapy as a late teen they should be able to understand this.

You are bothered by what you can’t change or control. Not being bothered is your own mindset.

[Anonymous]

Never. I have been my father's next-of-kin since my 18th birthday and my mother has been my biggest support in helping me deal with him and his problems.

When you have a child with someone, you care for life. Because it affects your child for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Now that my son is in college, I think I'm ready to think about leaving. My husband does not behave this way with our youngest. But I will always worry about his misuse of financial leverage over the kids. He has done that with me during our entire life together.

How has he “misused financial leverage” against you? I myself am trying to determine where to draw the line between healthy financial discipline as a family and manipulative behavior

Blackmail. "If you don't do X, I won't give you money for Y". We are on a specific type of visa where I am not allowed to work, so I am dependent on him financially. His kids depend on him for college money. As soon as I get my green card, I can start building my own life and leave. I know that we will need to proceed with caution, because he has a punitive nature, and if I leave, he's the type to decide not to fund their college education as retribution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what point do you simply stop caring about how your former spouse treats the kids? I have been divorced for several years and it still bothers me how checked out my ex is when it comes to caring for the kids. I wish it did not bother me.

Never. I really desperately wanted to leave my husband when my child was 3 but stayed until he was 8 because l wasn’t ok leaving my kid alone with him for long periods of time. I was severely depressed by that time and l decided separating and having 1 healthy parent was better than having 2 unhealthy parents. It was the better of 2 bad options and a very hard decision.

[Anonymous]

Never, but you learn that you can’t expect YOU from everyone.